Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: I think my Ex's friend and I are mutual crushing?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Posts
    1

    I think my Ex's friend and I are mutual crushing?

    Im an 24 yr old INTJ girl. A month ago, I ended a 9 year relationship with my manipulative boyfriend, Corey. I am also friends with his friend Dylan, who I've known for years too. Dylan doesnt agree with him behaviour though and has seen it over the years, he thinks Corey is a total knob. Well I think im in love with Dylan (he's an INTP). We have A LOT in common, we share the same Christian views, Geopolitical views, Eschatology, same interests, humour, the whole shebang. As I am fairly an observer, I've always noticed when we'd see each other in person he tends to stare at me a lot and he's very shy; we do also share memes 24/7 on messenger. I want to tell him how I feel about him but I'm not sure how that'll turn out. I guess thats a silly question because the only way i'll know is if i just TELL HIM. I just don't want to make him feel under pressure or weirded out because of the predicament we're both in - which I totally understand. A few weeks ago I asked if he wanted to still stay in touch (due to obvious reasons which i understood if he didn't want to) and he said he still does and that its fine, and then he sent me a crispy meme along with that message - following he proceeded to "like" my crush memes on my IG page. How should I tread in this circumstance.. should I wait a little bit longer to tell him due to the break-up still being quite "fresh"? I just don't know how he'd take it.. also... ONLY catch: they live a few doors up from each other!!!!! :S

  2. 01-24-2020, 07:34 PM

  3. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,981
    Gender
    Female
    Jeez, you've had a boyfriend since age 13. How about finding out who you are without a man? Why do you want to jump into a relationship so soon? Have some fun freedom. You have all the time in the world, years down the road, to get serious with someone. What are your interests besides having a bf?

    Your ex's friend is no real friend. A real friend would avoid flirting with his friend's ex. Your man picker was broken before and it's still broken. Be alone so you can move on and work on your self esteem and value yourself as a solo person. Spend time with girlfriends. Get a hobby. Travel. If you don't have a good career, work on that area of your life. You're only young once. Make a bucket list of things you can do now that will be harder to do when you settle down and have a family. You'll thank yourself later, no doubt.

  4. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,248
    Gender
    Female
    What is INTJ and INTP?

  5. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    13,301
    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    What is INTJ and INTP?
    Personality types! You take a quiz and it slots you into a category.

  6.  

  7. #5
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    2,635
    Gender
    Female
    You have only been single for 30 days after 9 years of being in a relationship. It sounds like you are trying to rebound to avoid the discomfort of the void created from no longer having a boyfriend and having to process your part in the ending of the relationship.

    Imo, it would be a very bad idea to get involved with your ex's friend. If he actually gets with you, that would mean that he is someone who is not loyal and who is liable to stab a friend in the back. You really don't want such qualities in a partner. Imo, you need to avoid your ex's friends and family at this point and focus on building your new life without them.

    You also sound like someone who finds it more comfortable observing people from the sidelines of the internet/ analysing people from afar rather that getting out there and interact in real life. Eschatology views? LOL. I love greek words and that was one I never thought I would ever read in an Enotalone post! Imo, that's also a sign of overanalyzing. The same goes for using the Myers-Briggs type indicators to determine compatibility.

    Yet, no amount of observing and overanalyzing can replace real life experience. Imo, you need to get out of your comfort zone and start meeting new people. Take up a new group hobby, volunteer for a good cause and focus on getting to know who YOU are at the age of 24 rather than focusing on an ex's friend making guesses and dodgy calculations from afar. He may seem like an easy choice but imo, he is unlikely to be a healthy one. Good luck.

  8. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,508
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. You were with him since you were 15? Do not chase his friends. Step away from him and all his people. Do not date for revenge or to make anyone jealous.

    It would be best to block and delete your exbf and all his people including his friends. Focus on your own life and everything you missed out on being stuck in a bad relationship way too young for way to long. Do not use Dylan to get Corey back. It's immature.

    Focus on your career, take some classes and courses join some clubs and groups, volunteer. Make some of your own friends and do not waste all your time sending memes.
    Originally Posted by ckg1073
    Im an 24 yr . A month ago, I ended a 9 year relationship I am also friends with his friend Dylan, who I've known for years too. we do also share memes 24/7 on messenger. I want to tell him how I feel about him ONLY catch: they live a few doors up from each other

  9. #7
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    deleted
    Posts
    1,639
    If you date him, you might ruin the friendship between him and your ex. Not nice.

  10. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    14,613
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by ckg1073
    Im an 24 yr old INTJ girl. A month ago, I ended a 9 year relationship with my manipulative boyfriend, Corey. I am also friends with his friend Dylan, who I've known for years too. Dylan doesnt agree with him behaviour though and has seen it over the years, he thinks Corey is a total knob. Well I think im in love with Dylan (he's an INTP). We have A LOT in common, we share the same Christian views, Geopolitical views, Eschatology, same interests, humour, the whole shebang. As I am fairly an observer, I've always noticed when we'd see each other in person he tends to stare at me a lot and he's very shy; we do also share memes 24/7 on messenger. I want to tell him how I feel about him but I'm not sure how that'll turn out. I guess thats a silly question because the only way i'll know is if i just TELL HIM. I just don't want to make him feel under pressure or weirded out because of the predicament we're both in - which I totally understand. A few weeks ago I asked if he wanted to still stay in touch (due to obvious reasons which i understood if he didn't want to) and he said he still does and that its fine, and then he sent me a crispy meme along with that message - following he proceeded to "like" my crush memes on my IG page. How should I tread in this circumstance.. should I wait a little bit longer to tell him due to the break-up still being quite "fresh"? I just don't know how he'd take it.. also... ONLY catch: they live a few doors up from each other!!!!! :S
    You must be past the age of being an adult since you had been dating your ex for 9 years so I'm going to assume that you putting so much emphasis on being connected to Dylan because you share memes in Insta as you being naive due to not having dated outside a committed relationship for so long. Those meme mean nothing and tell you nothing about how he is feeling about you.

    My suggestion, regardless of how he feels about you one way or the other: Quit trying to jump into some kind of 'thing' with him or any other guy right now. You need time to heal, to get yourself out there and date other guys that aren't in your inner circle. Dylan is probably the worse person you could get involved with at this point. Jumping from one friend to another does nothing to help you grow or to hone your confidence and self worth so don't do it. Get out there and meet men and learn what its like to have to work for a connection with someone... Its what will help you grow in maturity and romantic savvy and most important...it will teach you how to be comfortable in your own skin and how to be a happy SINGLE person. You have no idea what that is like if you jump from one commitment to another.


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •