Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Broken up but still in daily contact

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    15

    Broken up but still in daily contact

    About 9 months ago me and my partner of 20 yrs have split (became like brother and sister according to her, i suppise she wsz right bit i never wanted to split) We raised 2 lovely girls now aged 16 and 21.
    My partner hax moved out and i am living in the house we morgaged together. She rents a place. Its wierd cause we have daily contact via phone and see each other a few times a week. A few weeks back we went away to a caravan for a lonv weekend as a family and had a great time - upon our return home we both cryed as we went our seperate ways (youngest is with me eldest with her).
    I cant stop thinking about our early days together and how we were, we were inseperable. It really hurts. Will these feelings ever cease? I can never see myself witb amother woman. What is wrong with me?
    Its even as sad as im in certain rooms and have flash backs of the girls being young and all the good times.
    If she called time why cant i just walk away?
    Thanks in advance

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,362
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. It sounds like there is someone else and that she was starved for affection for quite some time. All you can do is co-parent the best way you can and hope your kids come out alright. You are going to need contact because you have children and apparently have some financial/residential issues that need to be cleared up. When a women leaves her home and a child behind, she has been desperately unhappy for quite a while and decided this was her only option.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,610
    Gender
    Female
    Starved of affection is more than likely the case. I'm sorry that this is happening. You may be riddled with regret and upset at the change or loss of a long term partner. Everything you're feeling is not out of the norm. I think it's wonderful that you're able to spend time as a family despite what's going on between both of you as a couple but I'd be cautious and check in with yourself and your own feelings often. I'd consider speaking to someone trained or trusted (or both - either a therapist or a very good, trusted friend, preferably not a mutual friend of the both of you) about your feelings of loneliness and misgivings that the disruption has caused. Don't keep that grief inside you. It'll eat you up inside out.

    Continue spending quality time with your friends and continue your own self-development. You'll need to learn a new you, your new identity outside of your marriage which has ended. Don't stay stuck here. Grieve and keep developing and getting to know yourself and engaging in new and old hobbies/interests.

  4. #4
    Member Spucky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    15
    If she cried then emotions are far from off.
    You cannot walk away cause you care about her and still you hope for a happy family.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    15
    Yes that is very true. I suppose deep down i hope for a rekindlling. Question is how long do i wait?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,362
    Gender
    Male
    Unfortunately there is nothing to wait for. Now is the time to reflect and reorganize. Focus on your kids and co-parenting. Do not buy into those get-your-ex-back scams telling you to use no contact as a tool, write letters, etc.
    Originally Posted by Darcus30
    Question is how long do i wait?

  8. #7
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    The emerald city
    Posts
    744
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Darcus30
    Yes that is very true. I suppose deep down i hope for a rekindlling. Question is how long do i wait?
    First, Wiseman is right. Do not buy into some internet scam youtube about waiting 30 days and writing a stupid letter. Won't work.

    Secondly, she will actually appreciate it if you man-up at this point. May not get her back, but it will get her, and your self, respect back.

    You need to sit her down for a proper separation discussion. There are lots of logistics and financials to discuss, so text her a list. Kids. Selling mortgaged property. Financial split up. Changing wills. Christmas arrangements.

    You tell her, this is her choice, now there are practical consequences.

    Then you need to breath out, and start the next day of your life without forlorn hope and expectation.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    California
    Posts
    4,130
    Gender
    Male
    What you are going thru is natural. A lot of people shield themselves and their hurt by reflecting back to the good days. Nothing wrong with it because those times are parts that made you who you are today. So its natural to go back and have quick thoughts and images to happier times.
    What I will suggest is just go out and find a counselor in relationships. No doubt there is 304,503 thoughts in your head and trying to sort them out is going to drive you mad. Talk to a professional who can help you deal with this and give you clarity and guidance.


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •