DazdNinLove Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 I met a wonderful lady, almost 3 years ago. She was in a relationship, that ended very ugly. Prior to the end, she endured a lot of abuse from her partner. We became friends right at the end, maybe a week after they broke up. She ended up in a whirlwind of court dates, he eventually got sent to prison, and she was able to pick up the pieces and move forward. We talked for hours on end, daily, via video chat, while she was going through this. I’ve watched her laugh, I’ve watched her break down..I tried to help her the best I could, with what we had. Over the years, I’ve talked to her family and friends, everything feels so right. I’m absolutely in love with this woman, even more so, being the only rock she needed through the hard times. Which leads to my dilemma. Her hardship has completely terrified her from letting me in 100% She will not Move forward enough to let me in, physically. She says she’s ready, and ends up breaking down saying she’s so scared... and from what she went though, I understand. We talk everyday still, every waking hour we are not working. We video chat every night and sleep together until morning... I’d wait forever for her... but I guess I just want to know, what more can I do to help her understand she doesn’t have to be scared? If anything.. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 She doesn't trust you. Sorry. You're also a bit weird to stick around for someone who has this much baggage to deal with. No one in their right mind would want a relationship with someone who needs time/therapy/work to get herself back to feeling ok again. You don't seem right or like you're thinking straight (this makes you appear a bit off and unsafe/not able to make sound decisions) and she needs time. Link to comment
DazdNinLove Posted October 12, 2019 Author Share Posted October 12, 2019 I get she don’t trust me. She doesn’t trust anyone at this point. To say I’m weird is insulting. I was a friend to her in her time of need.. and feelings happened. Regardless of her baggage, she’s a human.. and her personality, soul and physical beauty, sticks out way more than her baggage.. Thank you for your advice. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 No offense meant. Just take a step back and cool off. She's not ready for whatever you want. You can't make anyone be a certain way. Trying to do that will just backfire on you. Link to comment
DazdNinLove Posted October 12, 2019 Author Share Posted October 12, 2019 I’m definitely not trying to make her be a certain way, or feel anything she doesn’t want to feel. Guess I just wanted to know what I could do, to show her the world isn’t her ex.. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 She'll get there when she gets there (when she's ready on her own). This has nothing to do with you. Check out white knight syndrome. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 Hopefully she is in intensive therapy. You must not rush her. If you truly care for her you will let her get better before even thinking about trying to have a relationship. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 Have you two never met in person? Link to comment
Carus Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 Just want to second checking out White Knight Syndrome. Been through that myself. You’re certainly not weird. Us men certainly have a certain biological ‘provider’ mentality...but that can also backfire in todays day and age. Not much more you can do except it sounds like YOU are now getting to the point where you need to decide how much longer YOU can hang in there... Pushing her will not work either but that kinda goes without saying* Carus* Link to comment
MirrorKnight Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 How long ago did she end her abusive relationship and her ex-partner was sent to prison? To be honest, this woman is clearly still damaged, her wounds are raw and she is in emotional turmoil. I question the motives of a man who provides comfort at a moment of vulnerability and weakness for this woman, but who clearly has his own agenda with her. I'm sorry if you find this offensive, but I do not consider this White Knight syndrome at all. She will not Move forward enough to let me in, physically. This basically means "I am frustrated that she will not have sex with me". Just being nice to somebody when they are hurting, being a rock, whatever, does not mean that she owes you anything ... and frankly I find it rather manipulative. Where is her family and female friends in all this? Why are you her "only rock"? If you truly love her, support her as a platonic friend, wait for her to heal fully and then see if the attraction is mutual. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 How do you know each other? Have you met in person? There is not much you can do. She has to come to terms in her own way in her own time. To say I’m weird is insulting. Link to comment
SarahLancaster Posted October 12, 2019 Share Posted October 12, 2019 I'll also ask. Have you met her in person? Link to comment
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