Relationship with my best friend

My (19f) best friend (21f) that I met in college (and had a major crush on) recently told me that she had feelings for me. After talking and talking until the small hours of the morning I think we both realised we had been mirroring our feelings for each other in strength and nature. I like her very very much, and we are both desperate not to mess this up. We hang out every weekend and most evenings and love each other’s company.

I have never met anyone with the same bizarre combination of interests and hobbies as me and I don’t want to lose her.

How do we keep ourselves from ruining it while still acting on these feelings, since we both agreed we can’t half them any longer.

You can't have it both ways. Either you remain friends and stop thinking of her romantically or you take the plunge and have a relationship with her. If she doesn't want a relationship, I recommend that you start weaning yourself from her company, as it will hinder your progress in finding someone who is right for you.

We definitely both have feelings and both want a relationship, but as with most things, we see eye-to-eye that we don't want to mess up our relationship.

I never could have guessed that her feelings could have ever been as strong as mine, but now that I know I just want to how fast/slow to proceed, what to change/not change.

I've had very little experience with relationships, and she tells me that her experiences have rarely ended well (part of the reason she's so worried about moving forward).

But I really feel like she's different, I may be being naive but I have never met anyone in my life that I can relate to as much as her.

My social anxiety is pretty intense but around her I'm so relaxed.

After this deep conversation, you've basically passed the point of no return. If you decided not to date but continued the same close friendship as you do now, what woman will date you when she finds out that you two hang out and had once had that discussion? I know I wouldn't date a guy who had a female close friend he thought of having a romantic relationship with.

These male/female super close relationships are common when you're in high school and college, but when people move on to the major adult years where they are getting serious with a long term partner and maybe having kids, or moving away for a job, or busy with a career and new friends, etc., that friendship often gets placed to the back burner or totally fades away.

The relationship can't help but change or end in the future. If the both of you share chemistry and interests, I'd go for the romantic relationship. And if it's a wonderful experience and yet it ends at some point anyway, that's okay, because as I said, your friendship as it is now can't go on as it is forever. People usually are happy they took a risk, even if it didn't work out, versus letting opportunities pass them by. Take care.

I agree with Sarah here, if you're not 100% sure and have to ask so many questions then i don't recommend entering a relationship with this girl.

My (19f) best friend (21f) that I met in college (and had a major crush on) recently told me that she had feelings for me. After talking and talking until the small hours of the morning I think we both realised we had been mirroring our feelings for each other in strength and nature. I like her very very much, and we are both desperate not to mess this up. We hang out every weekend and most evenings and love each other’s company.

I have never met anyone with the same bizarre combination of interests and hobbies as me and I don’t want to lose her.

How do we keep ourselves from ruining it while still acting on these feelings, since we both agreed we can’t half them any longer.

I feel like if you decide to go into a relationship with her you have a great chance of success, as you have this great foundation in your friendship, common interest, etc.

Your worse enemy here is your over- thinking and anxiety.

I feel like if you and her allow yourselves to flow things naturally, keep an open communication and are ALWAYS honest to one another you can have a meaningful romantic relationship.

keep us posted

It is going to be difficulty for the both of you regardless unfortunately. If you go into this romantically relationship not at 100% it is doomed to fail in the long run and if you just decide to stay friends well you are still going to have those romantic feelings for each other. They are not just going to mysteriously go away. You and her have to make a decision 100% either way which it is going to be. No one on here is going to be able to give you advice either way.

The way that you remain friends is to get a replacement for your love - date others.

If you want to become lovers, make a pact that if you two do break up, you both have to go to counseling if necessary to save the friendship. It can be done in many cases.

Did she mean romantic feeling or best friend type feelings? Do you know if she is gay? What is your apprehension?

My (19f) best friend (21f) that I met in college (and had a major crush on) recently told me that she had feelings for me

^^^^^^^^^it's romantic feelings. They are already friends.

I'll say something else about this.......... trying to decide weather to be friends or lovers is a good problem to have - some people have trouble finding either.

I have a similar situation........my BFF is a lady and attracted to me....... I like her too, but it would be a long distance relationship......... so I am meeting other women, trying to find a lover.........I would like to keep my BFF as a friend.....because you can have only one lover but you can't have too many friends! And I know there are other women I can fall in love with out there.

You cannot lose friendships that you're meant to have for many years. It happens naturally over time (whether a friendship succeeds any number of life events). Stop holding onto people so tightly for fear of losing them. Live openly and be genuine about how you feel and what you think. Beyond that you're trying to control something that is out of your power to control. You've both been honest with each others' feelings. Now just live your lives, together or whatever you decide.

Try and work through your anxieties because I think a lot of your worries are stemming from loss of control. If you want to succeed in anything you do need to practice some fluidity and flexibility in life. Learn to roll with the punches and stop struggling. Adapt and think on your feet. Go with your gut instincts and make the proper decisions and cross one bridge at a time.