Long term partner and marriage - make or break?!

I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 8 years now. In general it has been good, we had an episode 2 years ago where she questioned the relationship - was I her soul mate? the one etc...at that time she didn't know what she wanted as she loved me and wanted to work on things.

We worked through those issues and she had some councelling. This mainly revolved around her abusive father who was aggressive in the marriage towards her mother. We talked things through and moved forwards nicely, have had some great times together and wonderful holidays together this year. We have lived together for 7 years.

Now in the last few weeks I noticed she was a bit down and wont be intimate with me. I asked whether everything was ok, she says she is not sure and is under pressure at work but also 'sometimes questions if we are meant to be together' and if I were to ask her to marry she would say "she does'nt know!".

I am not really sure what to think, we worked through things last time but can this keep going on? I would eventually like to marry and have kids however time is ticking as we are both 40. I fought for the relationship last time but know I can't force someone to marry, I guess marriage isn't mandatory anyway (we have been together longer than some marriages last) however I would like to move forward in life and not be stuck not knowing in which direction we are heading.

I love her very much and would like to marry and have children with her, but then I think it may be best to let her go this time, let her find out for herself!

Have you asked her directly if she wants to end things? Is this an encore of "was I her soul mate? the one etc"?

I hate to be black and white about this but I've been where your girlfriend is and if after 8 years her response is "don't know" rather than YES!! then ask yourself "if I knew she would never marry me how long would I stay". And stay only that long.

You moved in together after one year --- to me, if you are looking for a wife, you don't move in - you get married -- or if you insist that there must be a living together period then you already are on the same page about what it means and how long it goes on until you get married. I think that she is used to living with you - and you both sort of committed without thinking eachother was the "one"/ it could be also because she didn't sort out her feelings from the past.

I have news for you -- the "one" is who we choose to be the one. If she is having doubts that there might be someone else she should be with - i would let her go. It could stem from her past and she may never marry anyone at all -- or maybe its just not you - but you deserve someone who wants you. I think if that after awhile if she does marry you, it will pop up in your mind later that she doesn't fully love you.

as a word of encouragement, when i met my guy he was 41 -- he is the love of my life. So glad that he didn't stick around with the woman who didn't really want to marry him and cut bait. The clock is not ticking as loudly for you as a man - you can meet a woman in her 30s and have kids or adopt a bunch with a woman in her 40s (though some 40 year old women have babies and conceive naturally)

Does she want children? Might this be why she keeps having doubts about staying with you?

"I love her very much... like to marry... children with her, ...to let her go..."

- After so much time, so conflicted, and you think it's her?

The abusive Father is why she's becoming distant?

Maybe it's just so she can say she tried everything?

My guess is she met someone who knows what he wants.

My guess is, she said what she said in the hope that .... maybe ...hopefully, you'll finally ask her to marry you. I think it was a way of testing you. Together eight years. Two years ago she was questioning if you were the one - probably because after 6 years together you never asked her to marry you. Now, she's been to counselling and two years later, you STILL have not popped the question, yet, at the same time, you keep stating "the clock is ticking, we are both 40, I would like to marry her and have children" ...etc etc ......BUT you don't bother proposing.

My vote goes for she is tired of waiting. Don't blame her.

This in itself indicates that you never had and still do not have any intention of "marrying and having a family with her". It sounds like you don't want to marry anyone, her in particular and just want to coast along living together. If you want a family you need to find someone who is ready, willing and able to do that.

I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 8 years now. We have lived together for 7 years.