I’m back again

9 month relationship ended a few weeks ago because I found out he was texting an ex asking her out for coffee so they can “talk about everything” and how he still wants her to be in his life as a friend and then maybe it’ll lead to more. The crazy thing is, he sent these to her the day before he and I went on a family vacation with his family. And during the entire vacation he was showing me nothing but love and affection. I just don’t get it.

It’s been a few weeks since the BU and 3 weeks of NC. And then he text me last night and asked if we could get together for a talk sometime. I told him I have nothing to say to him. He said “fair enough” and disappeared. I stalked his FB, we are not fb friends, but his page is not private. He posted a new profile pic of him at the beach, looking so happy.

I guess I’m wondering if he’s feeling indifference towards me with his swift “fair enough” comment and NC. What do you think? I do miss him, but he’s clearly not over his Ex. I know I’ll be over him soon enough because I still had my guard up somewhat. What sucks the most is I was very careful when I began dating men again, not ignoring red flags, etc. I’m thinking I must be meant for a solo life.

Well, I think it doesn't matter what he thinks because you broke up with him. You said it's over. He accepts it. He's trying to move on. He'll probably try to get back with his ex. If you're now having doubts about splitting up with him, well, you should have thought about it before you broke up with him. If you're the kind of woman who can't stand their guy talking to any other woman when he's in a relationship, then that's the way you are. From what you described, I don't think your ex crossed the line. A lot of people keep in touch with their exes. But if it upsets you, then it upsets you. You should move on too.

Telling his ex that he still wants her in his life as a friend and maybe it’ll lead to something more serious isn’t crossing the line? Ok.

Unfortunately it sounds like he/they want to reconcile. Him wanting a recent ex buzzing around as a "friend" is a red flag. Yes that is a good reason to end things. Why be a back up plan?

Telling his ex that he still wants her in his life as a friend and maybe it’ll lead to something more serious isn’t crossing the line?

Hey Wiseman, good to see you again....well...kinda :(

Yes, He wanted her back. I'm sorry, but you were a rebound.

I hope that he i blocked?

Hi Holly,

That’s the weird thing. I wasn’t a rebound. When he and I began dating, he told me he had been single by Choice for 2 years after a 2 year relationship. I was so happy to hear this.

When I read his texts to her, the only positive thing was he didn’t lie to me about how long they had been broken up. Because he got mad when she asked him if he’s single. He didn’t answer her question. Instead, he said to her, I’m paraphrasing, “it’s been almost 3 years since you and I have talked or seen eachother . Can we just meet up like 2 normal adults without the drama?” She turned him down and he basically dismissed her with a nonchalant “your choice, cya.”

So no, I wasn’t the rebound. Have I blocked him? No. I will when I feel it’s time. Blocking doesn’t help me if I implement it right away.

Hi Jenny,

One of my ex's had been divorced for three whole years, and he had still not moved on. In fact, I was the first serious gf he had had since the divorce.

It seems you want this fool back. He has never moved on from this woman.

Yes, he crossed the line and yes, you were right to not feel secure in this relationship.

Classic wants his cake and eats it too.

He wanted to know she was out there for him, waiting on a string, and now he's doing the same thing to you, texting you. He might be dating her now, or dating someone else, but he's texting you to keep you on that string. I'd be willing to bet that you and his ex aren't the only females he's got going. I'd love to get a hold of his phone.

Telling his ex that he still wants her in his life as a friend and maybe it’ll lead to something more serious isn’t crossing the line? Ok.

How long had he been broken up with the ex when you two began to date?

If he said "maybe it'll lead to something more serious" to her it seems more like you were like a rebound to him or that he'd monkey branch back to her if she wanted to get back to him.

I don’t want him back. But I’m just not ready to Block. I can’t explain it. If he called me today and sent me flowers, I would reject him because my trust is gone.

Hi Holly,

 

That’s the weird thing. I wasn’t a rebound. When he and I began dating, he told me he had been single by Choice for 2 years after a 2 year relationship. I was so happy to hear this.

 

When I read his texts to her, the only positive thing was he didn’t lie to me about how long they had been broken up. Because he got mad when she asked him if he’s single. He didn’t answer her question. Instead, he said to her, I’m paraphrasing, “it’s been almost 3 years since you and I have talked or seen eachother . Can we just meet up like 2 normal adults without the drama?” She turned him down and he basically dismissed her with a nonchalant “your choice, cya.”

 

So no, I wasn’t the rebound. Have I blocked him? No. I will when I feel it’s time. Blocking doesn’t help me if I implement it right away.

He basically avoided telling her he was in a relationship.

Maybe you weren't the rebound but I wouldn't believe the "single by choice" for years. I had a guy I was with telling me he dumped his girlfriend because he didn't love her anymore but out of nowhere dumped me and got back to her. As far as you know he might not have been over her all this time and constantly attempting to get her back or like others said he likes stringing his exes along to have them in the backburner "just in case" like he seems to want to do with you now.

They had been broken up for 2 years and no contact for 2 years when he and I began dating. I was with him 9 months. So they had been broken up almost 3 years.

In April (5 months ago), you put up this thread:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=549361&page=6

About your ex from years ago who texted you regularly, even though he was in a 5-year relationship. His texts included references to sex with you, your body parts, etc.

So, you were receiving these texts while you were with your recent exBF?

What a tangled mess. Your long-ago exBF, who now has a 5-year long GF, was sexting you while you were with your 9-month long current BF, who was texting his ex.

Figuring out your patterns of why you are continually drawn to these loser types, where you don't seem to be able to exit the web quickly enough, will help you in the long run.

I don’t want him back. But I’m just not ready to Block. I can’t explain it. If he called me today and sent me flowers, I would reject him because my trust is gone.

Then, why not block? Are you not blocking because you like the attention?

I am wondering why she has such a dislike for him? Did he cheat on her? I am thinking that she should have blocked him, too.

They had been broken up for 2 years and no contact for 2 years when he and I began dating. I was with him 9 months. So they had been broken up almost 3 years.

How do you know that he did not try to reach out to her or others, earlier?

This suggests they've been involved/messaging all along, regardless of when the "official" breakup was.

"Can we just meet up like 2 normal adults without the drama?” She turned him down and he basically dismissed her with a nonchalant “your choice, cya.”

In April (5 months ago), you put up this thread:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=549361&page=6

 

About your ex from years ago who texted you regularly, even though he was in a 5-year relationship. His texts included references to sex with you, your body parts, etc.

 

So, you were receiving these texts while you were with your recent exBF?

 

What a tangled mess. Your long-ago exBF, who now has a 5-year long GF, was sexting you while you were with your 9-month long current BF, who was texting his ex.

 

Figuring out your patterns of why you are continually drawn to these loser types, where you don't seem to be able to exit the web quickly enough, will help you in the long run.

What did you get out receiving texts from the sleazy ex with the gf?

That ex is out of the picture and I in no way have any feelings for him at all. If he died tomorrow, I would be neutral about it. He’s just someone that I used to know, that I liked the attention from, and that I’ve known a long time. He canoe into my life when I was at a low point, unemployed, famiy problems, recently broken up with someone that I really loved. I was vulnerable and I loved the attention. I’m different now. I did not entertain his texts last Spring. That guy is in my past and I cringe to even think of his name. I did not “cheat” or in any way cyber cheat/text cheat with the guy that I’m now writing about. It’s not a mess and I’m not a mess. I tried bring very careful with how I screen Men. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, if anything. People can hide behind several masks and for some reason, I attract this type and they seem fine to me until the mask comes off. I really can’t blame myself for their deception.

I thought of that, too. I guess I’ll never know.

If you keep on meeting creeps, then you are the common denominator. You are ignoring red flags and character flaws.

There are many great men out there. You need to discover why you are not attracted to them.

I never asked him why they broke up to begin with, I assumed it was in his past and I just left it there. It’s hard to say if she disliked him or if she was just being a strong confident women. Anyway, you are right, I should Block. I’m feeling like I should block after reading these posts. It’s over, I could never trust him, I have nothing to hear or say from him. Why leave it open. Blocking.

What are the recent ex's friends like?

I never asked him why they broke up to begin with, I assumed it was in his past and I just left it there. It’s hard to say if she disliked him or if she was just being a strong confident women. Anyway, you are right, I should Block. I’m feeling like I should block after reading these posts. It’s over, I could never trust him, I have nothing to hear or say from him. Why leave it open. Blocking.

I think it would be a good idea to ask why a long-term relationship ended.

Holly, the men I meet don’t seem like creeps until I’m well involved with them. They are all successful, independent, strong confident men.