Is she worth a second chance?

So I have been dating this girl for a little over 3 months. She was friends with a lot of guys who she would Snapchat a lot, mostly pictures of me and things she was doing when she was with me. I never thought anything of it until recently one of those guys got in contact with me (one who she used to hookup with before we started dating) and brought to my attention that she had sent him a picture of her boobs about a month into our relationship. Originally when I brought it up to her she denied that it ever happened. But after constant questioning she came clean and said it was a one time thing and a huge mistake after she got home from drinking one night. I got confirmation from the kid who she sent it to that he had asked for more pictures and even asked her to come over that night which she did not send more and did not see him. However she would continually talk to this kid even after she sent the picture (before I found out about it) and said he was just a friend. I know for sure it was only one time and that one night because the kid said so himself. Since I found out, she has gone to the extent of completely blocking communication with him and all guys she would talk to that really were just friends to prove to me that she loves and only wants me. Do you think she deserves a second chance with me? Or was the lying, hiding, and actual act of sending the picture enough reason for me to never be able to trust her again?

After only dating 3 mos, cut your losses. She's not worth all this drama. How old is she? This sounds like high school stuff. First she lied then she claimed she was drunk. Do you want to wonder what else she lies about or does when she's drunk?

She doesn't sound like a class act. If it's just for sex then tell her that and keep it at fwb (how she's acting) and for relationship material find someone whose not a lying floozy.

she had sent him a picture of her boobs about a month into our relationship.she denied that it ever happened. after she got home from drinking one night.

No way.

Messaging other guys, sending nude pictures of herself to others, blatantly lying to you about it. Giving "drinking" as the justification?

Red flag on top of red flag on top of red flag.

This girl is bad news. Three months. Dude don't even waste your time, she has no character and you'll be kicking yourself later if you willingly latch your life to this girl.

RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm guessing you're both very young. Young people do stupid things sometimes. It was a month in, she was drunk, hmm.

Personally since she's blocked everyone, I'd say give her a chance. The other guy was just stirring up trouble because he most likely wants to date her, or he's ticked at her for not going to his house. Probably thinks she's a tease and his maturity level is so low that he told you.

You seem to proceed from the premise running around getting drunk is a natural, normal thing to do. What did you do last night" Oh I got drunk and took off my clothes and sent some other guys my naked photos". I'd like to suggest the counter that getting drunk is not normal, it isn't healthy, this world is replete with alcohol problems and millions have had their lives destroyed by it. I'd propose that a person being able to drink alcohol without stopping before becoming drunk is a very bad sign and it is not "normal" or a good thing to ever do. People acting as if getting drunk every other weekend is no big deal and completely naturally I'd say is foolish and misguided.

Her getting drunk in and of itself is a red flag, not to mention the LYING you just glossed completely over and sending nudes is just an avalanche of red flags. I disagree completely with your "ahh, they were drunk give them another chance" stance.

LYING is a huge red flag. You didn't even acknowledge this.

I can only say that the friends/relatives I have who gave their love interests second chances after egregious behavior--it ended up not working. They all went back to their bad behaviors. As Maya Angelou said, When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

I agree with SweetGirl. It sounds like you may be high school age. If that's the case, you're no where near married to the girl, or even in a serious relationship. Its high school. It's been three months. If you have fun with her, let it go and enjoy her company while she's in your life. I know it feels like a big deal right now, but don't take life so seriously when you're so young. It won't be long before you won't have the luxury of not taking life so seriously.

Messaging other guys...

God forbid she have male friends!!

@OP

Personally, this behavior would be enough for me to cut my losses and move on. The fact it may have been a genuine mistake wouldn't bother me, I could live with that and trust her not to do it again, but to me it would signal an incompatibility between us both as I consider that type behavior to be immature and disrespectful, indicative of her character, which wouldn't sit right with me.

So, it's not a question of what we think, it's a question of what your boundaries are in a relationship and whether or not she's broken them. It sounds like she has, in which case I would end things with her. Unfortunately, if this is the type of thing she does when drunk...it's a possibility she may do it again.

I thought i was going to say End it. But reading your original post, I have a different take.

It was soon after you started, and my guess is that you two jumped into a relationship right away. When we do that, we often are ahead of ourselves in many ways.

The desire to be together is authentic. At the same time, it is easy later to question our judgment, because we have so little history. I think what happened here is she missed the carefree way of her single life, and in a weak moment, reached out for a familiar source of comfort/etc.

She has blocked, which is hard to do. If she feels you have imposed that on her, she may break NC just to voice her ownership of her choices. NC can be difficult not because of emotional ties but because of habits and coping mechanisms.

Anyway: All couples have conflict. If you asked for different advice, I might advise to date one another, go slowly, and hold off on commitment until you have several months of experience with each other's character.

If you two do other things well, if you both are steiving towards respect for each, if you can step back and enjoy her rather than control or monitor her, then you have a chance to stay together longer.

In many respects, only you can answer this question. Do you understand her and can you let her come to you at her pace? Do you need to be her supervisor? If the former, give it a go. If the latter, let it go.

If you don't respect her, who she is the sort of spirit she has, then don't pursue. If you choose to pursue, then choose also to understand and respect. She isn't the devil. She may be a risky investment, but she wants to make it work.

And please, wait to have sex next time until 90 days? Or even 30 days? That will weed out people who are less serious.

We are both 21 years old we are not high schoolers. The fact that she did this makes me question her maturity and question if she can truly be loyal towards me. However, this is the only thing that has ever come up and I do love her a lot. I want to give her a second chance but I’m struggling with myself to get past the fact that she would go behind my back and do this.

Oh come on. She's obviously very young, and she did something stupid one month in.

I'm not judgemental to something so unimportant. She didn't sleep with the guy or get physical.

She blocked everyone , people deserve forgiveness sometimes. He obviously matters to her since she blocked everyone.

And for the second time you didn't even acknowledge she blatantly lied to him. Being young has nothing to do to whether someone is a liar or not. If someone is already doing shady things and lying to your face about them they are bad news.

Are you ever even going to fess to the fact that she's lying to him? OP's job is to find a good, healthy, high quality girlfriend. Not wait around for your "young" person to outgrow their drinking, lying, strip for guys phase.

How old to you have to be until be can consider lying, drinking flashing her nakedness at guys bad qualities to have in a girlfriend.

OP, I hope you have higher standards than this girl here. You'll be the winner in the long run. Don't settle. Go find an honest more modest girl who doesn't have a drinking problem. I promise you'll be happier in the long run.

I find it interesting that her go to when drunk is to send nude pics of her breasts to some other guy. If she wanted to entice someone with her nude breasts, why wasn't it you she sent the picture to?

They were a month into the relationship. People do stupid things when drinking. If you never have, then good for you.

She's young, she got caught, she shouldn't have lied but still she did not physically cheat. She blocked everyone since.

There's lots of girls doing stupid things because they don't have the maturity to know that they shouldn't be sending nude anything to any guy ever, unless it's a trusted relationship that's committed. Even then bad things happen with the pics sometimes. I'm still chalking it up to immaturity and a drunken moment.

That's the THIRD time you've made excuses by refusing to acknowledge lying. She wasn't DRUNK when she lied to him she was sober. Your acting as if she answered him honestly. She didn't she was willing to lie. Lying is a character issue......not being young (unless your five) or being drunk. She lied and she was sober when she did it.

Proceed with caution. There's plenty of girls you could date who will sext you pics, instead of other guys.

I want to give her a second chance but I’m struggling with myself to get past the fact that she would go behind my back and do this.

We are both 21 years old we are not high schoolers. The fact that she did this makes me question her maturity and question if she can truly be loyal towards me. However, this is the only thing that has ever come up and I do love her a lot. I want to give her a second chance but I’m struggling with myself to get past the fact that she would go behind my back and do this.

She did it at the start. Would she do it today?

At 21, maturity IS going to be an issue. You're not in high school, but many of your peers will mature substantially in the next five years. Don't judge her entire character through this one lens.

Don't ignore it either

As you point out, you are struggling. She might turn out to be an angelic powerhouse, but if you are struggling, it doesn't matter.

She might be this, she might be that. You don't know, and perhaps it doesn't matter. Her acts in Month 1 have turned you off, so accept that and move on.

If you end it, be a stand up character and put it on yourself. Say you recognize the efforts she's made but in fact, you are struggling to invest as required to make it work.

As an aside, I know more than one marriage that has sustained actual and sustained infidelity, and to good effect. There are no hard rules, there is only what works for you

She claims that she lied to me about it because she realized it was wrong of her, wanted to forget about it and didn’t want one stupid mistake like this to ruin our relationship. So much has happened as well since the night the picture was sent, from me meeting her family to us getting a lot closer too.

She claims that she lied to me about it because she realized it was wrong of her, wanted to forget about it and didn’t want one stupid mistake like this to ruin our relationship. So much has happened as well since the night the picture was sent, from me meeting her family to us getting a lot closer too.

Well beware. You don't paint the picture of a classy lady with high character and maturity. Getting drunk, undressing for other men, blatantly lying to your face because the truth wouldn't be convenient for her. Doesn't sound like a good girlfriend to me. I mean, if you are desperate and can't get anyone else than I guess she's your only shot at companionship. If you've got options and can meet other women than you seem to be settling.

I disagree, because when I'm exclusively dating someone and I've had a few drinks and feel frisky, I would send the guy I'm dating pics of my goodies (if I were inclined to do something like that in the first place). I wouldn't send them to some other random guy.

Do you believe it was a "mistake"? Did she intend to send those pics to you but got his name on accident? Because otherwise it was a deliberate act. If she wasn't too drunk to take the pic and send it, she wasn't too drunk to think about what she was doing.

And if it was a deliberate act, I'd wonder what she'll do the next time she's drunk and feeling frisky.

I don't know if you feel this is a "dumpable" offense. But if it were me, I'd be concerned about the next drunken outing and what might result. It's not a comfortable way to conduct a relationship.

She claims that she lied to me about it because she realized it was wrong of her, wanted to forget about it and didn’t want one stupid mistake like this to ruin our relationship. So much has happened as well since the night the picture was sent, from me meeting her family to us getting a lot closer too.

I believe her.

Again, does this work for you?

Well beware. You don't paint the picture of a classy lady with high character and maturity. Getting drunk, undressing for other men, blatantly lying to your face because the truth wouldn't be convenient for her. Doesn't sound like a good girlfriend to me. I mean, if you are desperate and can't get anyone else than I guess she's your only shot at companionship. If you've got options and can meet other women than you seem to be settling.

For balance:

Many adults get drunk when out with friends, and at 21, its a relatively new skill - learning how to handle one's liquor.

Their relationship was new and fast; her mistake was a sign of her being committed too fast and then doubting herself.

She did not interact with him physically, and has since blocked him.

In the two months hence, she has been a great partner for the OP.

Does it make it right? No. Does it make it the sum totalof who she is? Of course not.

Within the first month is an important detail. Six months in? No. One month? Look past it, realize you went too fast, make future decisions strongly but with a rescission period (like, say, buying a sofa). This is a person who follows her instincts, and needs time with an idea before she is 100% committed.

Again, nobody is saying it was right. But it was a decision made during, for her, a time of transition. If your gut is telling you to accept her, then do. Let it go.

Thank you everyone for the input