Confusing answer when I asked her on a date

Hi all!

I asked a girl out on a date a few days ago, and the answer I got was a little confusing. There was some hesitancy, but she then said that she was already in a relationship, which wasn't going well for her. She agreed to go out for some drinks, but only as friends.

I have a few friends I can trust with the same information and they say "Go for the drinks!". But I couldn't meet up in private with her, pretending that I'm there just under the "friends" heading... It would be lying to her and to myself.

- Was she just trying to say no politely?

- Or is she agreeing to drinks as friends because she wants to see where else it leads, knowing that she couldn't possibly meet under any other pretense because of her existing relationship?

- Or am I just reading between the lines and hoping on something that is simply not to be?

It's the fact that she specified that her existing relationship wasn't going well that has got me thinking... "Is there more to this?"

Should I ask her again to go for "drinks as friends", or should I just back away?

Any and all help would be greatly appreciated. It's worth knowing that I'm not the sort of guy that just asks out the next girl instead... The next chance might be a year away!

Thanks!

She is in a relationship. I think you should tell her that you reconsidered - that you are looking for someone to date and since she is in a relationship, its not right to go out with her.

If she is interested in you and someday is not in a relationship - she knows where to find you.

The next chance might be a year away!

Don't be desperate. going out with a woman who is in a relationship is poor boundaries/desperate/helping her cheat - however you want to look at it. use this as practice that you CAN ask a woman out. Just next time you ask someone out - either find out if they have a boyfriend or if they say they do, decline the date -- its not what you are looking for. Just ask someone out soon -- you can do it.

I agree with *abitbroken* Why do you want to be simple friends with someone you actually want to be more with? I'll also ask: How could you trust someone who is in a relationship that is willing to go for drinks with a guy that has asked her out on a date? That is inappropriate and crosses a very fundamental romantic relationship boundary.

Give her a pass.

The way you get into a relationship with someone is typically the same way you lose them.

Do you need more friends? If not, pass.

I wouldn't be her transition guy or in her friendzone. Ask her to contact you when she's free to date so you're both clear that you're not interested in "just friends", won't help her cheat, etc.

she was already in a relationship, which wasn't going well for her. She agreed to go out for some drinks, but only as friends.

It screams loud and clear (which you know) - Yes I'll go with you and see what happens.

It will get messy for you if you go down that track. Is she really that worth it?

Just wanted to say thanks everyone. I think you have helped me see some sense, and you're all right... It's not really something I want to go down. Thanks again!

I'm not sure what you find "confusing" about her having a boyfriend? Either way, it doesn't matter how you slice it, it is what it is.

Hi all!

 

I asked a girl out on a date a few days ago, and the answer I got was a little confusing. There was some hesitancy, but she then said that she was already in a relationship, which wasn't going well for her. She agreed to go out for some drinks, but only as friends.

 

I have a few friends I can trust with the same information and they say "Go for the drinks!". But I couldn't meet up in private with her, pretending that I'm there just under the "friends" heading... It would be lying to her and to myself.

 

- Was she just trying to say no politely?

- Or is she agreeing to drinks as friends because she wants to see where else it leads, knowing that she couldn't possibly meet under any other pretense because of her existing relationship?

- Or am I just reading between the lines and hoping on something that is simply not to be?

 

It's the fact that she specified that her existing relationship wasn't going well that has got me thinking... "Is there more to this?"

 

Should I ask her again to go for "drinks as friends", or should I just back away?

 

Any and all help would be greatly appreciated. It's worth knowing that I'm not the sort of guy that just asks out the next girl instead... The next chance might be a year away!

 

Thanks!

You need to back away. She told you she was in a relationship. There are plenty of single woman out there that are looking just like you. You’ll find a great girl who’s looking for the same things you are. Just keep looking.

She is in a relationship. She should not be going out for drinks with you, if she knows that you like her. That's terrible.

How would you feel if you were her bf? You have already seen who for who she is.

It would also be sleazy of you to try to move forward with this. Don't be that guy.