Feelings for Housemate

Hey, so I've just finished my second year of uni and have lived with this girl, Eve, for the past two years and have gradually got more and more closer, flirting etc. Little signs over the last few months have escalated my thoughts that she may feel something for me: other housemates asking me what's going on between us, her sister making a comment about us being a couple. About 2 weeks ago our whole house were out at the club, and I drunkenly told her I liked her a lot which she said the same to me, and then I went to kiss her and ended up kissing her cheek and she said sorry and I went off. She tried to call me a couple of times but I ignored and we didn't speak about it but carried on as normal for another week.

This last Friday she brought it up whilst we were at a bar and basically said she was crying after it thinking I wouldn't talk to her and that if she didn't have me she would be broken. She said she just sees me as a friend and doesn't want to ruin our third year living together and the house dynamics, but said maybe something could happen at the end/after uni but that she doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now as she's not in the right headspace. She mentioned not being surprised it happened and that her mum and sisters would always ask her what was happening with us. I had been on a couple of dates with a girl back home and someone must have told Eve as she mentioned this to me and said don't wait around for me, I said I would hold out for her. When we later got home we spoke about it more and she said she wanted to make it clear she just wants to be friends and that's about where things were left as we've all gone home for the summer and I won't see her for another 3 months.

So, I'm still left a little confused as to whether she likes me but doesn't want to ruin things whilst we're still housemates/at uni, or if she just sees me as a friend and that's it? Thanks.

She was trying to be polite and cushion the blow, but in the end she was crystal clear with you - she only sees you as a friend and that is all.

Also, when someone throws in that you should go ahead and date others, they really really mean for you to move on to someone else.

Sorry, but use these three months away to get over her and maybe under someone else. Enjoy your summer, but forget this girl.

Yeah, girls are not very good in saying no to people. That's where a lot of communication problems come in, but she's saying no. Sorry. You're just a friend.

I would accept that she only sees you as a friend. Maybe its not a good idea for you to have female housemates in general if you fall for them.

Also, 1/10th of me says if you think she is lying - ask her "if i moved out, would you date me?"

Yeah, girls are not very good in saying no to people. That's where a lot of communication problems come in, but she's saying no. Sorry. You're just a friend.

Its not because she is 'girl' - its because she is a housemate - and doesn't want the drama to follow when she rejects you, or the drama to follow if she dates you. She didn't want to say "NO NOT IN A MILLION YEARS" because she didn't want housemate life to be stinky - and she didn't want to say "take me now" because there would also be fallout with other housemates and she doesn't want that either.

I would accept that she only sees you as a friend. Maybe its not a good idea for you to have female housemates in general if you fall for them.

Also, 1/10th of me says if you think she is lying - ask her "if i moved out, would you date me?"

 

 

 

 

Its not because she is 'girl' - its because she is a housemate - and doesn't want the drama to follow when she rejects you, or the drama to follow if she dates you. She didn't want to say "NO NOT IN A MILLION YEARS" because she didn't want housemate life to be stinky - and she didn't want to say "take me now" because there would also be fallout with other housemates and she doesn't want that either.

Yeah, I'd be lying if I didn't hope it was because she didn't want potential drama to follow because of the housemate situation.

I'm not in a situation where I can leave the house next year and wouldn't want to put her in an all or nothing situation. I feel like I'm just going to enjoy my summer and next year just continue our friendship as it was and if anything transpires by the end of the year great but I won't set my heart on it. Maybe if I've still got feelings by the end of uni I may casually mention what we spoke about before, as the whole housemate situation wouldn't be an issue.

It's ok to have a crush on her. However do not make passes at her. It's inappropriate and creates awkward drama and tension. She has the right to live there free from being hit on. Get on some dating apps and find other girls to date. A house share is not a singles bar where you hit on whomever you find attractive. Stop making her uncomfortable before she reports you for harassment or one of you has to find a new place.

It's ok to have a crush on her. However do not make passes at her. It's inappropriate and creates awkward drama and tension. She has the right to live there free from being hit on. Get on some dating apps and find other girls to date. A house share is not a singles bar where you hit on whomever you find attractive. Stop making her uncomfortable before she reports you for harassment or one of you has to find a new place.

For one, I made one drunken pass at her which I have no intentions of repeating. Secondly, my house is mostly comprised of girls, it's not like I can't help myself around women, I mean for one I've kept these feeling undeclared for 2 years, it's not something I wanted to bring up because of awkward repercussions. Also, I'm not desperately in search of a partner, as I mentioned there's a girl back home who I went on a couple dates on but for me I don't want a relationship whilst at uni because of long distance, which I mentioned to Eve and she agreed to maybe waiting after uni to pursue anything and remaining friends as it stands. I'm not setting my heart on that and will keep things as they were before as strictly friends and if anything happens it does but that's not for me to push I know.

It as clear as day that she just wants to be friends and nothing more. That "wait until after we graduate" is really just a nice way of saying no. Of all the ambiguous scenarios I've read on this forum, this one is a shining beacon of a girl who just wants to be friends.