Started seeing ex again, but new insecurities surfaced

My ex girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me about 5 months ago (we were living together for most of the relationship). Some of the reasons why were that we both stopped making efforts to keep the romance going quite some time ago, and we had problems we put under the carpet instead of dealing with them properly. Since we broke up, we had a chance to settle some of these problems, and things are a lot clearer and better between us now. During the time we weren't together, she dated a guy for about 2 months who, apparently, made her feel extremely desired. Now, we started seeing each other again about a month and a half ago, spending a lot of time together, and occasionally having sex. When she first told me she had started seeing this guy, which was in January, she was quite verbal about how nice he was and how well he treated her. The thing is, I made the mistake of asking if the sex was better with him, and honest as she is, she said yes.

We had a conversation about that again a couple weeks ago when I noticed her libido seemed to be down, where I again made the mistake of asking if the other guy was a better sexual partner than me, and if that was the reason why she had more libido with him and less with me, and she again said yes. She stressed that it's not that I'm bad, it's just him who is incredible. Now, I'm feeling super insecure, and I don't know how to shake that feeling off/be a better and more desirable lover with her. Ultimately, I want us to get back together, because she is my favorite person in the world, and on my part, the best sex I ever had was with her. I know it seems messed up that she could say to me that the guy she dated was more attractive and a better love-maker than me, but then again, I really dug with my questions. I know I shouldn't have. What should I do? Thanks a lot!

Well, you asked the question. You might say, you asked for it and you got it. Since you went down that rabbit hole, you should follow it to where it leads. Ask your girlfriend what did he do that was so good? Maybe he did more foreplay than you. Maybe he did more oral. Maybe he had a special move he did. You might as well ask, especially if it'll make her happier with you.

I did ask, and she said that it was not really about how he did things, or what things he did, but more about his general vibe. She said she couldn't really describe it, but he just had a way with her that really turned her on.

I did ask, but she said it wasn't that he was more skilled than me or did anything I didn't do, but more about his general attractiveness and the way he behaved with her, in and out of the bedroom. She couldn't give me any specific answer, and just said that some people just really have a way physically. I don't know what to do with that information.

well... really you should not have asked. but you did.... honestly, i don't think women or at least this woman (me), feels sex is the deal breaker. so that's on your side.

why don't you try something romantic and show that effort?

find the right time. that's important.

secondly, don't bring it up.... let that convo die.... you are together. all your doing is causing doubt by bringing it up... maybe for both of you.

you mentioned sweeping under the carpet was a problem in the past. so i want to be clear... I'm not saying fall into that pattern. I'm simply saying turn that focus from him and your feelings of insecurity into your relationship.

water your own grass and it will be just as green.

That's great advice! Thank you! Indeed, she did mention that she said these things to me because in her mind, it was clear that that guy was in the past, and she didn't think of these things as that important. Thanks again!

That's great advice! Thank you! Indeed, she did mention that she said these things to me because in her mind, it was clear that that guy was in the past, and she didn't think of these things as that important. Thanks again!

That's unfair on her part I would say. Sure honesty is a good trait and all but it's just one of the white lies you tell to who you're with 'you're the best sex' 'you're the most handsome guy I know' it's just standard things you say to make sure your partner doesn't get these insecurities.

I'm pretty sure if you had slept with someone in between and said this stuff then she would go crazy at you for saying that and not want yo have sex again for fear of being worse.

I did sleep with other women in between and I told her, but of course I didn't tell her that it was better, and actually it wasn't. I know, I would never say something like that to her even if it was true and she asked, but she did say it to me now, and I can't shake this feeling off. I can't keep from thinking "she has less libido with me because I'm not as attractive and good in bed as that other guy" or "she'll never enjoy sex with me as much as with that guy". I don't know what to do from there. I told her we should spend at least a week without seeing each other so we both have time to process that , but now I'm not sure if I'll be able to have sex with her ever again, even though I love her and she's the most attractive person in the world to me...

It sounds like she's trying to stick it to you, not reconcile. It would be best to stay apart.

During the time we weren't together, she dated a guy for about 2 months who, apparently, made her feel extremely desired.When she first told me she had started seeing this guy, which was in January, she was quite verbal about how nice he was and how well he treated her. The thing is, I made the mistake of asking if the sex was better with him, and honest as she is, she said yes.

I don't think she realized (or realises) that these things are hurtful. I think she said that to make me understand why she was drawn to him.

And why do you need to know that or how good he is in bed, for that matter? Unless she's a clueless teenager this is TMI.

I think she said that to make me understand why she was drawn to him.

Well I kind of asked, I was in a weird mood at that moment, and I felt like digging. That wasn't the best idea, of course. Maybe it was immature of her to tell me that indeed.

She is an . It seems as if she were honest to hurt you instead of being honest to help the sexual relations. Sounds to me like she still wants to be apart. Maybe she needs a place to live again and that is why shes back.

I never said we got back together. We started seeing each other again, we didn't get back together.