Trying to hold my new family together

I had a baby 6.5 weeks ago, me and the father live together, broke up a month ago, but kinda together now, well, I've agreed to stay and try so's not to break up the family....

I'm really trying to make things work, but it's a real challenge

I've told him I'm no longer having sex with him at all, due to his behavior....

Obviously he wasn't happy about that, but wont let us break up properly. So I suggested he finds a FWB or we have an open relationship or something along those lines. I made this suggestion because I am staying (which he begged for), so's not to break up the family, but obviously it isn't fair for me to deny him sex and not expect him to go elsewhere. He flat out refuses, says he won't go with anyone else, even with permission. He only wants me. But I don't want him.

I know it's a strange arrangement, but why would he turn down the chance to have the perfect family life at home and the FWB when ever he wants it, especially when he knows he is getting nothing from me and isn't happy about that?

What the heck? Sounds awful. Not everyone thinks like you, that's why. Some people really do want one person and one person only to love.

Why are there so many posters/people lately who think like you, that's what I wonder.

Wow, don't raise your child in a loveless household. That is bound to mess your child up.

That, in itself would only be adding fuel to the fire, (imo). Would you want your children to be raised in this environment?

OP:

I can't believe you are saying this:

"....to have the perfect family life at home "

How on earth could such an arrangement be "perfect". Chaotic and ruinous would be more like it.

But our child wouldn't even know, what happens outside the family unit happens outside the house.... That way he is happy and I can't be made out to be a btch for leaving and taking his child, like he tried to do last month when I started to make arrangements to leave

Words fail me YoungMum.

The baby may not know now, this minute. But trust me when I tell you that children notice things and are much sharper than we think.

You deserve better, the child deserves better.

But our child wouldn't even know, what happens outside the family unit happens outside the house.... That way he is happy and I can't be made out to be a btch for leaving and taking his child, like he tried to do last month when I started to make arrangements to leave

That is so so so naïve. Kids KNOW. They are not stupid and nor do they lack observation skills.

He told you very clearly that wouldn't make him happy. It sounds like he wants an actual real family of the three of you.

Did you two have a solid relationship prior? Did you plan the baby? What happened that you are where you are now?

Hell, I knew my dad was screwing around when I was 4.

But our child wouldn't even know, what happens outside the family unit happens outside the house.... That way he is happy and I can't be made out to be a btch for leaving and taking his child, like he tried to do last month when I started to make arrangements to leave

Oh YoungMum, your user name says it all. You dont know what you dont know. Your idea is terrible and it is no way to raise a child. Kids are very observant and they lack the words to be able to express the disfunction they see in the home. You'd be better off to find a place to live for you and the baby and let the baby daddy do his own thing. There is nothing "perfect" about your family and it's bound to fail before too long.

But he is also really not happy about me not being interested, I'm staying because he begged me not to split up our family, and last time I tried to sort somewhere local for my son and I he got straight on the phone slagging me off to everyone saying I was taking his kid away and how much of a btch I am....

No we've never been solid, and no the baby wasn't planned, I was on the pill.

Alot has happened, every month there is new evidence of him cheating, and he doesn't deny it, just goes red and leaves the if I try to talk to him about it (which is the main reason I've made this suggestion, figured if he is cheating anyway, then giving permission would make it better for him, but like I said, he reckons he doesn't want anyone else, which makes no sense)..... We are in trouble and facing eviction because of his debts and the fact he won't face his responsibilities.... He is extremely jealous, to the point he screams and shouts at me (while I'm holding baby) about things I've not even done,or scenarios he has made up in his head, and he gets funny everytime my phone goes off, even if it's my dad.... He has no respect for boundaries and always pushes to get what he wants regardless of my feelings (even when I strongly voice them).... He is a habitual lier, sometimes it's just silly little things, other times it's quite serious stuff, about his childhood and other things.... The list goes on.

I understand there will come a time when baby will pick up on things, but we have everyone fooled at the moment, social services are involved for other reasons, and even think we are a great couple and work great as a team for our son.

I'm more than aware that I probably sound stupid and naive, but I'm trying to make the best of my situation.... I can't leave, but don't want him, so at least this way he gets a release and still has the family he wants.... If he wasn't already cheating then I'd understand, but he is/was, and won't ever admit it because lying is the norm for him....

This is a disaster your child will pay for. I promise you that .