I don't know how in the world I am ever gonna meet someone

I'm a 29 year old guy who everybody thinks that I have women falling over me left and right and it's far from the truth. I'm a pretty good looking dude, very heavily into physical fitness and fashion, I'm extraordinarily successful (solid six figures) but I'm also very big into family, I love kids, I come from a great family, I have great friends, I am extremely loyal, affectionate, easy going, etc... I think I'm a good combination of superficial and character traits that people say is important. I have received plenty of female attention throughout the years but it's never anybody even remotely close to who I can see myself dating.

My problem is a bunch of different areas - first thing I want a woman who is similar to myself - which means the following

- at least somewhat attractive, into fitness

- very loyal/nice

- classy/well spoken/at least somewhat intelligent

- no kids/close to my age (22-31). I want kids in about 4-6 years so I would really need to date no older than 25-28 in a perfect world

- either a decent job or even a mediocre job but responsible with finances. I'm extremely responsible with finances. My house will be paid for in 6 years. My car is already paid for. I can't date somebody who has huge debt and lives penny to penny. I don't need somebody anywhere near as successful as me but I don't want somebody who is a bum or a gold digger either.

This combination seems to be somewhat difficult to find. A lot of attractive women are stupid or shallow. A lot of super sweet women are in terrible shape. When I do see somebody I feel that they could potentially fit what I want, I rarely see a natural path to approach and chat them up. I can't just randomly walk up to any woman... I need some kind of a natural reason to talk to them...just chatting to them to hit on them feels so awkward to me and I feel like I'm being a huge nuisance. I guess I don't feel like women want to meet somebody or want me to talk to them. I'll be honest - I can be defeatist at times and feel like I'm annoying a woman if I ask her out.

This brings me to another point. I like the suburbs - I live about 45 minutes from a huge city but I don't know if I would even enjoy dating somebody from the city. I like my house, my yard and my piece and quiet. I like my 10 minute drive to work and 5 minute drive to my friends and parents. I like not having to pay for parking and yes I'm somewhat cheap, I like having my own house and being able to save a lot of money. Most cute, single, professional women live in the city. Don't get me wrong, I love partying in the city 3-4 times a month but dating somebody down there? Having to constantly drive down there and deal with the the traffic and parking and all the city nonsense? Would I really be a decent fit with somebody living down there?

I don't know what the hell to do. I'm sure I could find what I want in online dating but let's be honest here, women of that quality online are receiving an absolutely unfathomable amount of messages a day. I'm sure I have no real chance unless I become a famous male model or a professional athlete or something. How the hell am I going to separate myself from 50,000 men hitting on 1 women (or whatever stupid number you wanna use)???

This is starting to really frustrate and almost depress me. The years keep rolling by and rolling by and rolling by and I want to meet somebody so badly, I can't even tell you. This is driving me absolutely insane. Just FYI, I do NOT stay in the house - I go to concerts, festivals, social gatherings, sports events, bars, clubs, restaurants. I get out of my house as much as humanly possible but that's overrated IMO. It's very hard to approach women at most gatherings as they are all there with their social group and you look like an idiot approaching a woman there with 8 of her friends (with absolutely no clue if any of the men are her boyfriend). Most men meet their wife through natural means (IE through friends, work, school) because cold approaching at a random festival or charity event or whatever is VERY difficult as most women aren't anywhere near as interested in meeting somebody as men are. Of course, I don't ever meet anybody I could even remotely consider dating in my daily routine.

You are young at 29, Xplorer!

And I don't think your list of requirements is excessive. If I were single and looking for someone I think those would be my requirements too.

As for this:

"VERY difficult as most women aren't anywhere near as interested in meeting somebody as men are"...

You never think this is the case if you just read some of the threads and posts on this forum alone!!

Vast numbers of people live in the suburbs, and even in the country.

Anyhow, all I can say is that my most recently married nephew (now 34) met his wife at a friends' wedding. Back in the day I wasn't looking for anyone but out of the blue a friend introduce me to the man who became my husband. I could go on.....

By the way, OP, approaching a woman is not quite the same as "hitting on her". There is a difference.

And these are great traits IMO:

"I am extremely loyal, affectionate, easy going, etc..."

Find one woman whom you like and pamper her a little. I buy homeless men lunch. Why dont you think of someone besides yourself for a change.

Be more humble, you'll get a good woman that way.

You might think your good looking compared to the average Joe, compared to Johnny Depp women wouldn't give you a second glance looks wise. And six figures is loose change to the rich and famous. If you start getting judgemental over looks and money, your third division at best.

So you need to develop yourself on an internal level, which is what an intelligent woman will be looking at anyway.

You are young at 29, Xplorer!

 

And I don't think your list of requirements is excessive. If I were single and looking for someone I think those would be my requirements too.

 

As for this:

"VERY difficult as most women aren't anywhere near as interested in meeting somebody as men are"...

 

You never think this is the case if you just read some of the threads and posts on this forum alone!!

 

Vast numbers of people live in the suburbs, and even in the country.

 

Anyhow, all I can say is that my most recently married nephew (now 34) met his wife at a friends' wedding. Back in the day I wasn't looking for anyone but out of the blue a friend introduce me to the man who became my husband. I could go on.....

 

By the way, OP, approaching a woman is not quite the same as "hitting on her". There is a difference.

most people meet someone naturally like that, I've had absolutely no luck doing that

Well, you never know, Xplorer. Right time, right place and all that.

You are in good shape, (I didn't see you brag about handsomeness anywhere!), you have a stable existence, and seem to have your life in order.

Wishing you luck.

So you want this perfect woman.....but you won't drive, you won't approach, you won't do....well....you want to do NOTHING but have everything. So here you are, alone, single, and frustrated. So either carry on as is or get out of your comfort zone and do something.

NO OP, you wouldn't.

"Would I really be a decent fit with somebody living down there?"

I couldn't deal with that nonsense either.

So, what about closer to where you do live?

I can tell you something, I was very choosy too, and glad I was.

Be more humble, you'll get a good woman that way.

 

You might think your good looking compared to the average Joe, compared to Johnny Depp women wouldn't give you a second glance looks wise. And six figures is loose change to the rich and famous. If you start getting judgemental over looks and money, your third division at best.

 

So you need to develop yourself on an internal level, which is what an intelligent woman will be looking at anyway.

I agree with the Johnny Depp comment, which is why I am so hesitant to try online dating - that's what even decent looking women in online dating want - you have 6s who want male 10s. I'm physically a good package - I have a good looking face, look sorta like a professional football linebacker in the body and dress very sharp but I'm obviously not a 10

The six figures comment is a little asinine. For men under 35, less than 1% make six figures...especially for those living in a cheap area like I am. 150K where I live is 500K in Manhattan

but anyways, that doesn't matter. I don't want to date a woman who only likes me for anything superficial. I don't even like shallow or superficial women. I feel my character is every bit as strong as my surface traits. I go out of my way to treat people well, to be considerate and caring, etc...

NO OP, you wouldn't.

 

"Would I really be a decent fit with somebody living down there?"

 

I couldn't deal with that nonsense either.

 

So, what about closer to where you do live?

there's not a ton of women in mid 20s where I live. I'm the only home owner in my subdivison under 35

Most 25 year old women want to live in the city. I'm an old soul in a lot of ways. I like my space, my easy parking, no traffic, piece and quiet, etc. . Don't get me wrong, I can party like an animal but I like coming home to a quiet house.

Well not all 25 year old women want to live in the city, I can assure you of that.

You are quite right to like what you like. Ease of parking and no traffic is a blessing IMO. The city is grand and dandy for certain occasions.

So a thought has come to me. The other evening I met up with some friends I hadn't seen since college. One of them (in UK) was telling me about a friend of hers who is making a fortune running a successful "dating" agency, or introduction agency. Yes, from what I gathered, the membership fee is stiff, there are person to person interviews with the agency, and profiling and all the rest. But many contented couples hence the success of the enterprise. Better than OLD in my view.

So, is there anything like that wherever you are?

Be more humble, you'll get a good woman that way.

 

You might think your good looking compared to the average Joe, compared to Johnny Depp women wouldn't give you a second glance looks wise. And six figures is loose change to the rich and famous. If you start getting judgemental over looks and money, your third division at best.

 

So you need to develop yourself on an internal level, which is what an intelligent woman will be looking at anyway.

I'm a good looking dude. In terms of the overall package - face, big muscles, fashion sense - I'm easily in the top 1 to 3% of general public

but I absolutely agree with your Johnny Depp comment - I'm nowhere near a 10. This is what stops me from trying online dating- women online want a 10 even if they're only a 6 themselves. That's what happens when you receive 50,000 messages a day - which is of course understandable. Realistically, I'm like a 7/10 in the face and that's not good enough for online dating

As far as the money comment goes, less than 1% of men under 35 make six figures- especially those living in relatively cheap areas like myself. 150K where I live is 500 in Manhattan

but none of that matters anyways. Money doesn't define who I am - I come from a third world country and grew up in a poor household. I'm still that same standup guy who always tries to do right by all my loved ones

Well not all 25 year old women want to live in the city, I can assure you of that.

 

You are quite right to like what you like. Ease of parking and no traffic is a blessing IMO. The city is grand and dandy for certain occasions.

 

So a thought has come to me. The other evening I met up with some friends I hadn't seen since college. One of them (in UK) was telling me about a friend of hers who is making a fortune running a successful "dating" agency, or introduction agency. Yes, from what I gathered, the membership fee is stiff, there are person to person interviews with the agency, and profiling and all the rest. But many contented couples hence the success of the enterprise. Better than OLD in my view.

 

So, is there anything like that wherever you are?

nope there is not

So you want this perfect woman.....but you won't drive, you won't approach, you won't do....well....you want to do NOTHING but have everything. So here you are, alone, single, and frustrated. So either carry on as is or get out of your comfort zone and do something.

perfect woman? I just want somebody somewhat similar to myself

I am willing to put in work - I just went to lakeshake (huge country music festival) in Chicago for 3 days. I was only able to approach a couple women I liked but they didn't feel the same way so I walked away before I got rejected. Couple other women approached me but they were too old or too young (I can't date a 19 year old or 40 year old)

It seems like most of the posters here are women. I don't think you all understand how hard it is approach random women. You have to come up with something to say and a way to approach where you don't come across like a stalker. Its absolutely hard. If there's no natural reason, you're almost grasping at straws

Be more humble, you'll get a good woman that way.

 

You might think your good looking compared to the average Joe, compared to Johnny Depp women wouldn't give you a second glance looks wise. And six figures is loose change to the rich and famous. If you start getting judgemental over looks and money, your third division at best.

 

So you need to develop yourself on an internal level, which is what an intelligent woman will be looking at anyway.

I'm a good looking dude. In terms of the overall package - face, big muscles, fashion sense - I'm easily in the top 1 to 3% of general public

but I absolutely agree with your Johnny Depp comment - I'm nowhere near a 10. This is what stops me from trying online dating- women online want a 10 even if they're only a 6 themselves. That's what happens when you receive 50,000 messages a day - which is of course understandable. Realistically, I'm like a 7/10 in the face and that's not good enough for online dating

As far as the money comment goes, less than 1% of men under 35 make six figures- especially those living in relatively cheap areas like myself. 150K where I live is 500 in Manhattan

but none of that matters anyways. Money doesn't define who I am - I come from a third world country and grew up in a poor household. I'm still that same standup guy who always tries to do right by all my loved ones. I am a good son, brother, friend and I will be a great husband and father if I ever get a chance.

"I don't think you all understand how hard it is approach random women."

I think we do.

Meantime some of the men on this forum may be able to give you some feedback.

Just a question: do women ever "approach" you, just like that.....

And by the way I think you are very honest.

And also by the way, Mr. Depp is a one off....lol.

P.S. Isn't this a sad comment on OLD and the people on it.

Realistically, I'm like a 7/10 in the face and that's not good enough for online dating

"I don't think you all understand how hard it is approach random women."

 

I think we do.

 

Meantime some of the men on this forum may be able to give you some feedback.

it is really hard. You have to come up with something to say and some way to approach that's not awkward or creepy. If she's not interested, it can get awkward quickly.

My biggest concern with approaching a woman is that I don't make her feel uncomfortable. I hate making anybody feel uncomfortable.

I'm jealous of the guys who can approach 100 women in a night, I absolutely cannot do that

It's an art, Xplorer. And it can be developed. I am intrigued. How do you think you make them uncomfortable? Too intense maybe? Choice of words?

You have heard the saying:

"Softly, softly, catchee monkey"

"I don't think you all understand how hard it is approach random women."

 

I think we do.

 

Meantime some of the men on this forum may be able to give you some feedback.

 

Just a question: do women ever "approach" you, just like that.....

 

And by the way I think you are very honest.

 

And also by the way, Mr. Depp is a one off....lol.

 

P.S. Isn't this a sad comment on OLD and the people on it.

 

Realistically, I'm like a 7/10 in the face and that's not good enough for online dating

if you want to break it down to specifics (I know thats stupid but whatever), I'm a 7/10 face with close to a 10/10 bodytype (I'm in fantastic shape)

If you're a woman, that's enough to receive a million messages a day. If you're a man, its only enough to get women who are overweight or much much older. The women who are cute and 27 are basically impossible online

I do get approached but it tends to be women in their late 30s and 40s. I don't think I look much older than I am, people typically say I am 30 to 33

It's an art, Xplorer. And it can be developed. I am intrigued. How do you think you make them uncomfortable? Too intense maybe? Choice of words?

 

You have heard the saying:

 

"Softly, softly, catchee monkey"

I'm not intense at all, I'm super easy going and super nice

but you can make any woman feel uncomfortable no matter what you say if she doesn't like you. Approaching is very hard.

I am not too familiar with the terminology of OLD, Xplorer, but I get what you mean.

So, what do YOU think is causing this lack of response to your OL profile and image? Evidently you are looking good, in shape, a successful person.

Not to be dramatic or anything, what do YOU think is scaring them off.......

When you say you get approached (your last sentence) does this mean in actual real life?

And

but you can make any woman feel uncomfortable no matter what you say if she doesn't like you.

Again I ask, why, on very first view of you, and given what you describe about yourself, would a woman be repulsed.

I am not too familiar with the terminology of OLD, Xplorer, but I get what you mean.

 

So, what do YOU think is causing this lack of response to your OL profile and image? Evidently you are looking good, in shape, a successful person.

Not to be dramatic or anything, what do YOU think is scaring them off.......

 

When you say you get approached (your last sentence) does this mean in actual real life?

I haven't tried online dating in 7 years, but ive researched it and talked to people and Ive seen how incredibly high the difficulty curve is. Its unbelievable how difficult online dating is for men. I've even talked to good looking guys who have no problem dating in real life and they said OLD is basically impossible. The only guys I've talked to who have had any success with online dating looked like male models (top 0.01% of men just in facial attractiveness), that's about the only way.

I get approached in real life but its typically women in their late 30s or 40s or gay men. I've only been approached by 1 woman in my life who was cute and close to my age and that was when I was 19. We went out for a month but I screwed that up by acting like a f**king idiot. She was awesome too, great girl. I still regret it to this day.

Yes. Online would not be for you, I get that. Anyone would think that every one of the thousands on OLD are film stars? Amazing sense of entitlement in this modern world of ours. But anyway......

And one would gather that, accordingly, the only people (very few) actually making it on OLD is where the man is a model/film star and she is a beauty queen. Extraordinary.

 

And

 

but you can make any woman feel uncomfortable no matter what you say if she doesn't like you.

 

Again I ask, why, on very first view of you, and given what you describe about yourself, would a woman be repulsed.

Women in their 20s are very very very very picky. They might not like me because I look Italian/Greek/Puerto rican instead of pure white. They might not like me because I'm only 5'10, who knows?

the thing with approaching is you have to come up with something interesting to say and then be able to sense if she doesn't like you and walk away quickly before it gets awkward or uncomfortable. The worst thing is that creepy idiot who approaches and lingers when a woman is not interested

Yes. Online would not be for you, I get that. Anyone would think that every one of the thousands on OLD are film stars? Amazing sense of entitlement in this modern world of ours. But anyway......

 

And one would gather that, accordingly, the only people (very few) actually making it on OLD is where the man is a model/film star and she is a beauty queen. Extraordinary.

I'm exaggerating/being facetious for that part of it, lol - there are no famous people on dating sites. Online dating is just very very difficult for men unless you are astonishingly good looking.