He won't commit

I've been seeing this guy for 3 months and it's been an intense few months. I have fallen so completely in love with him it's unreal. We spend all the time texting and talking and all our free time together. We have had some rough spots but mostly it has been amazing. He has been amazing. He tells me he loves me so much, that I'm the only girl he wants, he doesn't want anyone else to have me.. he says he is mine and I am his. When we are not together he tells me he misses me and wishes he was with me. I return these feelings and sentiments fully. We don't just have a physical relationship, it's very emotional as well. We can spend hours talking about anything that comes to mind. But he doesn't want to be in an actual relationship. He doesn't want to be gf/bf. Every time I try to take a new step he says it's too serious for him and he's not ready for that. He says he doesn't know if he will ever be ready. I know it's only been 3 months, but he says he love me and wants only me. I'm not asking him to marry me or move in with me. I just want to be able to call him my boyfriend. Is that too much to ask? Why doesn't he want to put a title to what we have? We are basically bf/gf.

It really is questionable as to how real his feelings are if he does not want to commit or to have a title for what has been going on between you.

It's possible he has commitment issues. Or he might not be as serious as he is saying he is. He does not make sense to me to be honest, he can say I love you but saying he is your bf is too serious?

I don't know what is going on in his head but I personally would feel hurt and upset too if he does not want to say he is your bf.

I think you need to talk with him and tell him that if he is serious about you and is so sure about you, that he needs to take the next step.

Thanks for your quick reply. I have talked to him, he knows I'm ready for more and that I want to be more, but it's the same thing every time. He says he's sorry and he loves me but he doesn't want something serious. I don't understand that because to me saying I love you to someone IS serious. Eventually I push him too much and we get into a huge fight and he says he can't do it anymore and he ignores me for days while I beg him to talk to me. Then comes back and says he loves me and he wants to be mine again, but still nothing more. I don't understand and I don't know what to do. I love him and I don't want to lose him, but am I just wasting my time? The thought of not having him in my life destroys me, but I don't know if I can just be "some girl" to him. Even when I don't ask for the title, just to do certain things with him, he says that's too serious, too much like we are in a relationship.

Your feelings are totally understandable. You feel a certain way for him and you want to be known as his girlfriend. You have gotten to be very close and are speaking in very deep terms if you are using the word love and yet, he still will not commit.

Has he given any reasons why? Why does he not want anything serious? Why is he not willing to be in a relationship with you?

Has he been in relationships before?

I feel like our "relationship" is extremely deep. From the start we have had the most intense chemistry and we have stayed up talking until the sun rises. We talk about anything and everything. I've never been able to JUST talk to someone the way I can with him.

He hasn't really given me any specific reasons for why he doesn't want something serious. He just always says he's not ready for that and that he enjoys the way things are now. It makes NO sense to me because if I even talked to a guy platonically he gets jealous and upset.

He has been in relationships before. A few of them ended badly from what I know, which isn't much to be honest. He doesn't like talking about his ex's and he absolutely hates when I talk about mine. (He gets very moody and withdrawn if I mention my ex) I do know that his most recent relationship was just over a year long, off and on and it ended badly. It ended about 2 months before we started talking actually.

I've always thought he didn't want to be serious with me because of her, because he wasn't over her, but he denies that. He tells me he doesn't want her at all and that he wants me. He even said he would tell her to her face in front of me that he loves me and not her.

hi just tread this post.

why don't you give him a few more months and see what his take on things is then?

if he says he loves you is there much point in arguing over a title?

i would see how it pans out in the next few months.

good luck

It's not just about the title, it's also about him saying he won't do certain things because it means we are too serious.

Not sure why but when I tried to reply to this it said it had to be reviewed by a moderator?

In short yes he has been in relationships, but we don't talk much about them. He doesn't like to talk about our exes at all. Whenever I ask about his he gets annoyed and when I mention mine he gets moody and withdrawn. But I know a little. His most recent was just over a year (off and on) and they ended badly about 2 or 3 months before we started talking. I've been afraid that he has been using me to get over her and she's the reason he doesn't want anything serious. He says no though. He says he's over her and he doesn't even think about her. He said he would tell her to her face in front of me that he doesn't love her, he loves me. So I don't know.

I see you have two options here...

1) Tell him it's been great but it looks like we want different things and as this is making me unhappy, I need to walk away from this. Forget about him, get on with your life, meet someone who wants the same thing.

or

2) Hang about for another 3 months hoping he will change his mind, all the while you getting more and more twisted up inside over a label, then explosively dumping him in a fit of rage and agony that will leave you scarred and with baggage leading you into your next relationship. Be extra demanding with the next guy as this guy wouldn't commit, put pressure on him to commit too early and go down shrieking in flames when he dumps you for being too needy.

I'm sorry but if he just got out of a stormy long term relationship 2 months before starting up with you, he is not anywhere near ready for anything other than a rebound fling.

To you words matter, to him, he is telling you what you want to hear so you'll keep sticking around for as long as it's convenient for him. Pay attention to his feet - he is refusing to actually be in a relationship with you. Frankly, what you describe already sounds toxic and dysfunctional and at least 50% of that is your own fault in that you are sticking around, getting more and more attached instead of sending him packing. Btw, that deep connection that you feel is one sided. Sorry, but I really do hope you wake up and let him go.

If you two get into huge fights and he ignores you for days afterward...things are not perfect and wonderful.

Seems like as long as be gets his way (you don't push for a title or to being a relationship) he's nice, but as soon as you ask for more he gets mean.

Nope, this is not the wonderful perfect relationship you want it to be.