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A confusing situation


GMan30

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Alright I have a weird situation and never really had to deal with it before....A year ago I found out that my girlfriend of 4 years and mother of my son and a great "step" mother to my daughter from a previous relationship was cheating on me. It was a terrible situation considering I knew the person involved and it was a customer of the place she worked...it crushed me. We split up for awhile and then decided to try to make it work again. That did not last that long considering I did not think she was ready for that but agreed to it because of what she did. We got to the point where we could hang out and be "friends" and co-parent for our son and do things together which made it hard on me because to this day I love her dearly. Spent xmas eve together...valentines day...and everything...Fast forward a couples months..(even in that time I tried to get close to someone else and after hanging out it still was not what I wanted)..About two weeks before mothers day...I watched our son at her house while she was at work, she came home and made a drink and we sat and talked (I could tell she was feeling something different towards me) and one thing led to another(I don't think I have to explain)...Afterwards she looked at me and said she had to tell me something...worst news she was still talking to the guy she cheated on me with over a year later...(forgot to mention hes married!)...she started realizing that where it is going to go and doesn't know what to do and since she saw how good we have been she started thinking about us...We have been hanging out a lot and doing things spent fathers day together and she tells me she still loves me and is intimate with me..several times..she still is a little distance and said she wants to see where we are going to go and the better we are is pulling her away from him..yet they still talk and occasionally hang out...and i know there is stuff going on there..Her main thing she tells me that she did not expect us to be where we are..and she cannot just shut off feelings for someone else....I know that my best bet is to get away..but being able to see my son alot more and we actually are good with and now get along (me and her) its nice..My biggest question is what do i do next? how do i handle this? how do i get him out of the picture so we can live our life? Help!

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Hi,

 

I wish there was an easy solution such as getting him out of your lives but she is enabling the situation. She is using you as a back burner in case things fall through with him. I get that you want a good relationship with the mother of your child. That doesn't mean you have to put up with her being deceitful, I say stay on friendly terms with her but move on past her. You don't have a healthy relationship with this woman. There is no more trust. Also love should be a one way street you are on together not a pitch fork where she has to keep deciding where to turn.

 

You deserve better.

 

Lisa

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Major problem is she see me much more and wants to do things with me and future plans ie small vacation and day trips..and she says she knows i am the better choice and more secure life and wants to be with me but wants to make sure that we will be good and no travel down the road we were before all that happened like growing distant

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Major problem is she see me much more and wants to do things with me and future plans ie small vacation and day trips..and she says she knows i am the better choice and more secure life and wants to be with me but wants to make sure that we will be good and no travel down the road we were before all that happened like growing distant

 

Tell her that as long as she is seeing someone else and for X months after that, that you will only communicate about the kid. You can chat about doctor appointments, handing off the child you share, etc, all through text or brief calls. Do not allow "dates". No sex. no kissing.

 

btw, that's bunk about "wants to make sure we are good down the road". she knows how good you are together - you had a kid together and she tossed that away. She is just stringing you along.

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Just remind yourself that every time you two are "intimate", she was probably "intimate " with him the day before.

 

Why is she getting everything she wants and you just get to sit there catering to her? Do you think being her backup man will make her want you?

 

And you can't get him out of her life because SHE wants him in it.

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Major problem is she see me much more and wants to do things with me and future plans ie small vacation and day trips..and she says she knows i am the better choice and more secure life and wants to be with me but wants to make sure that we will be good and no travel down the road we were before all that happened like growing distant

 

In other words, she wants to have her cake and eat it too, until either you or her side kick decides to read the writing on the wall. Your answer will be much easier when you choose to respect yourself.

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