Exhaustion and Sadness vs Depression

There are days when this whole heartbreak thing is too much to deal with. I'm exhausted.

Do you have those moments when you just feel like no one will ever love you as much as you love the person you are missing? The person that left or you left?

I am sitting here crying. My thoughts are "I wish for one day someone would love me with the level of love and committment and dedication that I have in my heart for my ex." I can't even imagine feeling loved like that again.

For me... This isn't about finding someone new. This is about how much I love this person and wishing in this moment that I had a romantic partner in him that loved me as much as I love him right now.

The people that we are missing have no idea that someone is sitting on their sofa or in their chair or at the desk just FULL OF LOVE for them.... Wishing for their presence and wanting to love and protect and hold them.

How sweet it would be to SHARE that love with someone instead of being alone with it and doing everything every day to kill it and be free of it.

It makes me so sad and feels like such a waste.

It tires my spirit and make me feel so depressed inside.

Why love someone if you can't share it? So sad.

Anyone else feel like that? Are you sad or are you depressed?

I'm exhausted and sad from trying to kill this love for him inside me. But it's going deeper and making me depressed. (I'm seeing a counselor about it.)

Stop flowing all that love to him, and turn it all upon yourself.

Some people have more love to give, than others. You might be one of those lucky generous souls. It's a blessing, that you can feel so deeply. But you have to stop giving it away, for now, or be more discriminate in where you give it away.

Wrap it up. It's sad that this other person isn't able to reciprocate. But you have a lot going on inside you and in your outer life, and you need to keep this flow of generous loving energy contained fully right in yourself, and solely benefiting you. Leave that other to God. He is the only One who knows what to do with it.

Don't kill love, and don't martyr for someone whose back is turned. The one who needs your love most of all right now, is *you*. Turn ALL the love, back to *you*. If you love yourself half so well and deeply as you want to keep loving this absent other? Imagine how that would feel. Focus it in toward *you*. Contain it. Because loving you first, even selfishly, is going to make a difference. (((HUGS)))

Stop flowing all that love to him, and turn it all upon yourself.

 

Some people have more love to give, than others. You might be one of those lucky generous souls. It's a blessing, that you can feel so deeply. But you have to stop giving it away, for now, or be more discriminate in where you give it away.

 

Wrap it up. It's sad that this other person isn't able to reciprocate. But you have a lot going on inside you and in your outer life, and you need to keep this flow of generous loving energy contained fully right in yourself, and solely benefiting you. Leave that other to God. He is the only One who knows what to do with it.

 

Don't kill love, and don't martyr for someone whose back is turned. The one who needs your love most of all right now, is *you*. Turn ALL the love, back to *you*. If you love yourself half so well and deeply as you want to keep loving this absent other? Imagine how that would feel. Focus it in toward *you*. Contain it. Because loving you first, even selfishly, is going to make a difference. (((HUGS)))

I agree. I appreciate your comment. Thank you so much.

💙💙

This isn't about not loving myself. I don't know if I can "turn my love for him toward myself". It's not the same.

I think I am loving myself by putting my feelings first and not reaching out to him or doing things to take care of the kids even though we are broken up. I am protecting my heart. I will continue to do so. I will also think about what you said and think of anything else I can do for myself that I am not doing.

For example, after we broke up, I still called to check on him and the kids, made dinners for "my babies" and would drop the food off. I sent the kids gifts that I promised him I would get them.

I realize this loving effort was hurting me, so I stopped. I stopped calling. I have no contact since Easter and don't plan to contact at all. I cut off all our mutual friends because hearing about him was making me more upset. I put my feelings and protecting my heart first.

I would do more but right now I am spending all my money on a horrible divorce and I can't afford to treat myself to anything nice anymore.

I'm open to suggestions. I really am serious about healing. I don't want anyone else. I just want to stop hurting and I am doing everything I can to make that happen.

Dominique:

You don't kill love or attempt to kill love. I appreciate you are enduring a horrible time right now. You say you are open to suggestions.

So, the hurting doesn't just stop, unfortunately, like throwing a switch. So, one has to do best one can to relieve in some way the suffering. Treating yourself to something nice does not necessarily mean buying or doing something expensive.

So, I found this helpful in times of stress, quite a long time ago indeed, but amazingly effective.

Buy a thick white candle, a good quality one (not made of tallow), and buy yourself (or pick) some white flowers, they don't have to be the expensive kind either. Light the candle which will look beautiful beside the white flowers and very peaceful, and sit without other lighting and simply breathe deeply. Just think of yourself and only of yourself at that time, and/or bring up some beautiful memory from your early past and dwell on it (no, not a memory of you with ex).

Life is a strange business, and all too often very unfair. I recall an old friend once saying: "What we ask for in this life and what we get are two entirely different things." All we can hope for is some peace and strength to get through the hard times.

I've been where you are, in divorce and with children and with the anguish of money concerns, on top of so much heart hurt over the loss of intimacy. Ultimately the divorce and money issues are going to blow over: the decree will come, the money problems will sort out, and you'll keep raising your kids and they'll be amazing, and so will you.

But I understand you are deeply hurting, and I want you to know that if you keep at the idea of turning your love entirely toward yourself, ultimately it will naturally happen, and you will. Sometimes it is just a matter of accepting the words and letting them dwell in the back of your mind. You don't even have to consciously pay attention. Just let the messages sit there in stored memory for a while, and months from now you'll notice in some random moment that they make sense.

The most important person in your story is you. You are the self, and the mother. Those two roles are what count the very most. Keep all your best love right there, first in you, so that you can give it deeply also for your children. Because they are the ones who will thrive on it and reflect it back to you, and so you all need this boundary. You are the only one who can hold it.

I leaned on my faith throughout divorce and am still leaning as I go through another current ending. It sounds cliche when people tell us that God loves us and carries us through things like this, but if you can get to that place of trust and surrender, in my experience it does help. Sometimes it just does take *time* for the worst of the situation to get sorted out, but at the end of that time, you see that it *does* get sorted out. In good ways, and ways you never expected or thought of, at the start. But it requires "dying to the process", acceptance, surrendering to the change. Think of it as transformation, leveling up.

People said all kinds of things to me during the divorce, as thousands of dollars went into attorney pockets. All I know is that if I treated myself to the small joys of fresh flowers, or a tiny bucket of berries, or a glass of wine every once in a while, a new bottle of nail polish or a perfume sample, things felt marginally better. Enough that I could face whatever came next, and next, and next. Ultimately the hardships stopped coming like that.

Maybe if it's not about "loving yourself", it is about making those kind actions toward yourself. Even if that doesn't feel like a whole life or full fulfillment of your heart. You sound like such a generous loving person, and I hope my words don't ever make you feel bad. The point is to love you the way you love others in your life, and to love you as closely and divinely as you know how. You're a gift, your heart is a gift, and you deserve to receive that gift of love from you yourself. These other scenarios are going to resolve to some eventual peace; it just takes time.

I'm sorry you are having to go through the divorce process. That remains one of the most alien things I've ever seen. Keep strong, and when you are tired, know that someday this hardship is going to pass.

Dominique:

 

You don't kill love or attempt to kill love. I appreciate you are enduring a horrible time right now. You say you are open to suggestions.

 

So, the hurting doesn't just stop, unfortunately, like throwing a switch. So, one has to do best one can to relieve in some way the suffering. Treating yourself to something nice does not necessarily mean buying or doing something expensive.

 

So, I found this helpful in times of stress, quite a long time ago indeed, but amazingly effective.

 

Buy a thick white candle, a good quality one (not made of tallow), and buy yourself (or pick) some white flowers, they don't have to be the expensive kind either. Light the candle which will look beautiful beside the white flowers and very peaceful, and sit without other lighting and simply breathe deeply. Just think of yourself and only of yourself at that time, and/or bring up some beautiful memory from your early past and dwell on it (no, not a memory of you with ex).

 

Life is a strange business, and all too often very unfair. I recall an old friend once saying: "What we ask for in this life and what we get are two entirely different things." All we can hope for is some peace and strength to get through the hard times.

I will do this today. Thank u. 😊

I've been where you are, in divorce and with children and with the anguish of money concerns, on top of so much heart hurt over the loss of intimacy. Ultimately the divorce and money issues are going to blow over: the decree will come, the money problems will sort out, and you'll keep raising your kids and they'll be amazing, and so will you.

 

But I understand you are deeply hurting, and I want you to know that if you keep at the idea of turning your love entirely toward yourself, ultimately it will naturally happen, and you will. Sometimes it is just a matter of accepting the words and letting them dwell in the back of your mind. You don't even have to consciously pay attention. Just let the messages sit there in stored memory for a while, and months from now you'll notice in some random moment that they make sense.

 

The most important person in your story is you. You are the self, and the mother. Those two roles are what count the very most. Keep all your best love right there, first in you, so that you can give it deeply also for your children. Because they are the ones who will thrive on it and reflect it back to you, and so you all need this boundary. You are the only one who can hold it.

 

I leaned on my faith throughout divorce and am still leaning as I go through another current ending. It sounds cliche when people tell us that God loves us and carries us through things like this, but if you can get to that place of trust and surrender, in my experience it does help. Sometimes it just does take *time* for the worst of the situation to get sorted out, but at the end of that time, you see that it *does* get sorted out. In good ways, and ways you never expected or thought of, at the start. But it requires "dying to the process", acceptance, surrendering to the change. Think of it as transformation, leveling up.

 

People said all kinds of things to me during the divorce, as thousands of dollars went into attorney pockets. All I know is that if I treated myself to the small joys of fresh flowers, or a tiny bucket of berries, or a glass of wine every once in a while, a new bottle of nail polish or a perfume sample, things felt marginally better. Enough that I could face whatever came next, and next, and next. Ultimately the hardships stopped coming like that.

 

Maybe if it's not about "loving yourself", it is about making those kind actions toward yourself. Even if that doesn't feel like a whole life or full fulfillment of your heart. You sound like such a generous loving person, and I hope my words don't ever make you feel bad. The point is to love you the way you love others in your life, and to love you as closely and divinely as you know how. You're a gift, your heart is a gift, and you deserve to receive that gift of love from you yourself. These other scenarios are going to resolve to some eventual peace; it just takes time.

 

I'm sorry you are having to go through the divorce process. That remains one of the most alien things I've ever seen. Keep strong, and when you are tired, know that someday this hardship is going to pass.

Thanks for sharing your perspective on divorce. It helps. And you are so right! It is alien!!! I feel like I'm on trial for murder. The level of intrusion and hate from my husband is so horrid.

I will think of what you said about doing things and loving myself the way I love others. I give a lot to the people I care about. I shower them with affection and carig acts because that's my nature. I love taking care of my "bear cubs". I'm a momma bear lol....and I really am protective of the ones I love. I used to cook for "my babies" (my ex significant other's kids. Not my hisband) because I loved to see their faces when they ate my Mac and cheese and to be able to help my ex who was so overwhelmed with his own divorce...to help him be a good dad (and he really is a good dad) ....It just made me all warm and happy inside. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I will see how I can turn that toward me. I'll start with the suggestion above to get a candle. I have a flower. My son gave me one for Mother's Day.

Just some WHITE flowers in a vase, even blossoms off a tree or those large white daisies will do....

I know along with many, many others all too well what you're going through. I should despise my ex and want nothing to do with her after the pain and suffering she has put me through. But I can't. I still have a deep love for her. My heart just won't let go. I am starting to accept I may never fully get over her. She had a huge impact on my life. But I keep fighting. We have to. I listened to this song the other day and really enjoy it. It has helped me. And it's just a good song.

I hope you find some peace and happiness today.

I know along with many, many others all too well what you're going through. I should despise my ex and want nothing to do with her after the pain and suffering she has put me through. But I can't. I still have a deep love for her. My heart just won't let go. I am starting to accept I may never fully get over her. She had a huge impact on my life. But I keep fighting. We have to. I listened to this song the other day and really enjoy it. It has helped me. And it's just a good song.

 

 

 

I hope you find some peace and happiness today.

I understand. I still love my person very very much.

Thanks for the song. U r sweet.

You know what's crazy Dominique? In my mind what makes me "feel terrible" are the quick flashes of my ex in certain scenarios, like her in my car, in my bed, having sex, siting and watching her, walking with her, remembering her voice, her smile, her hair, her smell etc and then I immediately think ill never, ever get that back, despite our differences. I still wanted to work on us but she never felt the same way towards me. She now seems to me like a figment of my imagination or that slippery fish that quickly jumped out of my hand as quick as I captured it and is now gone back into the ocean. I pretty much equate the images of my ex as happiness and the lack of her in my life right now as part of my soul/happiness still with her. Essentially I'm living life half alive. So, with this depressing thought been said I guess we just have to learn to live with the pain and accept it for what it is and hope, pray, cross fingers that with a little bit of courage, work, hope that we can reclaim that loss and put it to better use with someone else in the future. Basically said, your pain is real, it's valid, it's acceptable, it's terrible, it feels endless, it's disgusting, is scary, it's also a beauty in disguise only the beauty won't be imagined until the time is right so until then sit with this hellish pain and contemplate what you can do better next time and soon enough, hopefully we can regain our joy back and be free of this burden.

You know what's crazy Dominique? In my mind what makes me "feel terrible" are the quick flashes of my ex in certain scenarios, like her in my car, in my bed, having sex, siting and watching her, walking with her, remembering her voice, her smile, her hair, her smell etc and then I immediately think ill never, ever get that back, despite our differences. I still wanted to work on us but she never felt the same way towards me. She now seems to me like a figment of my imagination or that slippery fish that quickly jumped out of my hand as quick as I captured it and is now gone back into the ocean. I pretty much equate the images of my ex as happiness and the lack of her in my life right now as part of my soul/happiness still with her. Essentially I'm living life half alive. So, with this depressing thought been said I guess we just have to learn to live with the pain and accept it for what it is and hope, pray, cross fingers that with a little bit of courage, work, hope that we can reclaim that loss and put it to better use with someone else in the future. Basically said, your pain is real, it's valid, it's acceptable, it's terrible, it feels endless, it's disgusting, is scary, it's also a beauty in disguise only the beauty won't be imagined until the time is right so until then sit with this hellish pain and contemplate what you can do better next time and soon enough, hopefully we can regain our joy back and be free of this burden.

That was extremely profound. I'm saving this.

Thank you, My friend. Thank you for this.

I know I'm "supposed to" delete everything. But for me, in my situation, keeping the letters and memories helps me remember that what we had was real and not in my mind...when I spiral.... I see those things and get to recall for a moment that what we shared was real.

Sigh.

You know what's crazy Dominique? In my mind what makes me "feel terrible" are the quick flashes of my ex in certain scenarios, like her in my car, in my bed, having sex, siting and watching her, walking with her, remembering her voice, her smile, her hair, her smell etc and then I immediately think ill never, ever get that back, despite our differences.

Wow, that was hot reading that. Reminds me of the steamy erotic novels I read for entertainment ( odd that there is only old ladies in the romance section at the library am the only one there in her 20's, I had no idea old ladies read such steamy things ! Get it grandma ).

Sounds like you have a lot of passion and were devoted to your ex, what an IDIOT she let that go, you sound perfect.

There are days when this whole heartbreak thing is too much to deal with. I'm exhausted.

 

Do you have those moments when you just feel like no one will ever love you as much as you love the person you are missing? The person that left or you left?

 

I am sitting here crying. My thoughts are "I wish for one day someone would love me with the level of love and committment and dedication that I have in my heart for my ex." I can't even imagine feeling loved like that again.

 

For me... This isn't about finding someone new. This is about how much I love this person and wishing in this moment that I had a romantic partner in him that loved me as much as I love him right now.

 

The people that we are missing have no idea that someone is sitting on their sofa or in their chair or at the desk just FULL OF LOVE for them.... Wishing for their presence and wanting to love and protect and hold them.

 

How sweet it would be to SHARE that love with someone instead of being alone with it and doing everything every day to kill it and be free of it.

 

It makes me so sad and feels like such a waste.

 

It tires my spirit and make me feel so depressed inside.

 

Why love someone if you can't share it? So sad.

 

Anyone else feel like that? Are you sad or are you depressed?

 

I'm exhausted and sad from trying to kill this love for him inside me. But it's going deeper and making me depressed. (I'm seeing a counselor about it.)

I think the counselor is a good step to take, they are there to help you out. The thing is, it can take years to get over someone or it takes another person coming into your life for you to stop dwelling on your ex. It is sad to think you have a lot of love to give someone, but they don't want to accept your love and don't reciprocate. But that's just life, and I do think there is someone for everyone, whatever he didn't love about you will be what someone else thinks are the best things about you.

Put yourself available to meet new people even if you don't feel like doing so, eventually someone will come around that will love you the way you love them.

I'm working on connecting wth family and friends. New people is a challenge for me.

As for his love... He loved everything about me. Even when is was PMS-ing and moody or sad. I don't have that ..."he didn't love something about me" or "what did I do wrong?" issue. I am not looking for someone else to love me or see something in me he didn't see. He saw it all and he was happy. My relationship ended because of life drama and the stress of both of our divorces not because we didn't love each other.

It doesn't matter why though.

It's over. I'll deal with it.

Thanks for your comment. I truly appreciate the support.

I'm working on connecting wth family and friends. New people is a challenge for me.

 

As for his love... He loved everything about me. Even when is was PMS-ing and moody or sad. I don't have that ..."he didn't love something about me" or "what did I do wrong?" issue. I am not looking for someone else to love me or see something in me he didn't see. He saw it all and he was happy. My relationship ended because of life drama and the stress of both of our divorces not because we didn't love each other.

 

It doesn't matter why though.

 

It's over. I'll deal with it.

 

Thanks for your comment. I truly appreciate the support.

Is he dating someone now ?

I mean, the time wasn't right back then when you were both going through divorces, but what about now ? That's all over and when you love someone, that doesn't just go away after a month or two, so while you two weren't in a good place to date back then, maybe now it's a good place.

Also, I don't believe in this "No Contact" stuff, if you want him then be the bigger person and reach out to him, let him know you still care for him very much and you miss him, if he cares like you say he does about you, he will be thrilled you reached out to him and you guys can start fresh.

No contact is all about wounded pride and denying yourself someone you want dearly just because you feel they should be the one to reach out to you first.... that's very childish. If things ended horribly and they took you for granted every step of the way and weren't interested, then sure, go " no contact" but otherwise, get over who should contact who and your useless pride and contact this man before someone else snatches him up !

You have to get it while the getting is good, just like that last chicken on sale at the grocery store ! Grab it like your life depends on it and pat yourself on the back you beat all the other people eyeing it up.

Is he dating someone now ?

 

I mean, the time wasn't right back then when you were both going through divorces, but what about now ? That's all over and when you love someone, that doesn't just go away after a month or two, so while you two weren't in a good place to date back then,...

 

Also, I don't believe in this "No Contact" stuff, if you want him then be the bigger person and reach out to him, let him know you still care for him very much and you miss him, if he cares like you say he does about you, he will be thrilled you reached out to him and you guys can start fresh.

 

No contact is all about wounded pride and denying yourself someone you want dearly ...

 

You have to get it while the getting is good....

My divorce isn't final and I am being investigated and followed. All my texts and emails and Facebook communications are being subpoenaed. I wouldn't feel comfortable contacting him. I don't want my private thoughts and our whereabouts exposed anymore than they have been already.

When things ended he was in the same place I am now.....Only I did not know it at the time. It's a lot more complicated than "go get him". Though I wish it wasn't.

Financially he was ruined in his divorce which just became final a few days ago. He got very depressed and we broke under the weight. Now I am in the process of being financially ruined as well. The timing was bad a few months ago and it's still bad now. I would never drag him back into this. Now I see why he was so stressed and so crazy at the end of our relationship.

We broke up in February officially after trying for five months to hold it together under the pressure .... We couldn't do it.

He did have a brief fling after we ended things with the receptionist at his office... I found out about that by incidental contact...but I also found out that's over now.

Perhaps when all the smoke has cleared and my depression has lifted and his has as well... When all the lawyers and private investigators are out of my life, we will be able to move forward. But I have no promise of that. Who knows where he will be when that happens. My divorce won't be final until the end of the year or early next. My husband is an abuser and I don't want him to try to harm or harass my ex or his children.

The last thing my ex said to me was "I love you endlessly. This is such a mess right now." We held each other all night And then he kissed me goodbye. He stopped responding to messages about our relationship after that except to check on me and my son to make sure we were safe. I couldn't understand but when my texts and emails got subpoenaed, I knew why. He was in this same stage of his divorce when we ended things .... He knew this was coming. He told me he was trying to protect me.

All I can do is pray and hope that wherever I'm supposed to be, that is where God will have me be.

Sigh...

My divorce isn't final and I am being investigated and followed. All my texts and emails and Facebook communications are being subpoenaed. I wouldn't feel comfortable contacting him. I don't want my private thoughts and our whereabouts exposed anymore than they have been already.

 

When things ended he was in the same place I am now.....Only I did not know it at the time. It's a lot more complicated than "go get him". Though I wish it wasn't.

 

Financially he was ruined in his divorce which just became final a few days ago. He got very depressed and we broke under the weight. Now I am in the process of being financially ruined as well. The timing was bad a few months ago and it's still bad now. I would never drag him back into this. Now I see why he was so stressed and so crazy at the end of our relationship.

 

We broke up in February officially after trying for five months to hold it together under the pressure .... We couldn't do it.

 

He did have a brief fling after we ended things with the receptionist at his office... I found out about that by incidental contact...but I also found out that's over now.

 

Perhaps when all the smoke has cleared and my depression has lifted and his has as well... When all the lawyers and private investigators are out of my life, we will be able to move forward. But I have no promise of that. Who knows where he will be when that happens. My divorce won't be final until the end of the year or early next. My husband is an abuser and I don't want him to try to harm or harass my ex or his children.

 

The last thing my ex said to me was "I love you endlessly. This is such a mess right now." We held each other all night And then he kissed me goodbye. He stopped responding to messages about our relationship after that except to check on me and my son to make sure we were safe. I couldn't understand but when my texts and emails got subpoenaed, I knew why. He was in this same stage of his divorce when we ended things .... He knew this was coming. He told me he was trying to protect me.

 

All I can do is pray and hope that wherever I'm supposed to be, that is where God will have me be.

 

Sigh...

Dominique, I can definitely see you 2 further down the line getting back together. For one thing you guys didn't end things because you hated each other, quite the opposite, so if I was you I would ease on the fact that you guys still have a strong chance at getting back together. Yes, it might take some time, and a lot of fixing of situations, but take solice in that possibility at least and ease your anxiety on that notion. Meanwhile you should live your life sweetheart and don't worry too much over your ex because there is still something there, I totally see it. You guys have hope! Unlike me where I have zero hope. Meanwhile just focus on yourself for the time being and try, just try, I know it's easier said then don't but just try not to let your ex be too much of a worry for you now because again I have a feeling your paths will cross again sweetie so ya

You're actually quite lucky, I wish my situation with my ex was similar to yours at least I would have some hope of ever getting back. I had another strong, emotional dream of my ex this morning, gawed, I hate this feeling. It's like she's this immortal godess in my dreams that I can never, ever have and she knows it. Life sux now for me big time lol.

I'm open to suggestions. I really am serious about healing. I don't want anyone else. I just want to stop hurting and I am doing everything I can to make that happen.

Most helpful for me was the question, "Am I truly a loving person, or am I just projecting a bunch of egotistical needy 'stuff' onto one target?" I stepped up to that challenge by making it my goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back into consistent commitments to the people I claimed to 'love' but had often neglected during my relationship.

This worked in multiple ways that I could only learn through my experiences rather than just think about.

Emotions follow behaviors, not the other way around. If I waited until I 'felt like' showing up to help family, friends and neighbors with their errands, household projects, meal prep or treating them to meals, events or walks in the park, I never would have moved out of my own way. I would have isolated and remained preoccupied with my 'ideals' about love while I kept digging a deeper hole to climb out of.

I didn't burden the people I love with my grief. I had occasional bouts of the boo-hoos with my tissue box, but then I had to go to work or show up for the next commitment I made and wouldn't blow off. My new mantra became, "I can do this." And that was all I really required of myself: keep calendar full, and show up. That's it. I didn't have to be 'on,' I didn't need to be entertaining. I was a quiet, cheerful listener. I was dedicated to creating great memories for the people I love during a time that I was incapable of enjoying much myself. I could at very least enjoy making others feel appreciated and valued.

The healing power of these simple pursuits was immeasurable, and the loving gratitude I felt from these experiences was indescribable. I doubt that anything could have healed me faster, bonded me more deeply, or helped me feel the blessings and fullness of my life any better.

Head high.

Dominique, I can definitely see you 2 further down the line getting back together. For one thing you guys didn't end things because you hated each other, quite the opposite, so if I was you I would ease on the fact that you guys still have a strong chance at getting back together. Yes, it might take some time, and a lot of fixing of situations, but take solice in that possibility at least and ease your anxiety on that notion. Meanwhile you should live your life sweetheart and don't worry too much over your ex because there is still something there, I totally see it. You guys have hope! Unlike me where I have zero hope. Meanwhile just focus on yourself for the time being and try, just try, I know it's easier said then don't but just try not to let your ex be too much of a worry for you now because again I have a feeling your paths will cross again sweetie so ya

 

You're actually quite lucky, I wish my situation with my ex was similar to yours at least I would have some hope of ever getting back. I had another strong, emotional dream of my ex this morning, gawed, I hate this feeling. It's like she's this immortal godess in my dreams that I can never, ever have and she knows it. Life sux now for me big time lol.

Thank u, My Friend. I am so appreciative of your perspective. I pray you are right. 😔💙

I wish I could put your broken heart back together with the one you love.

Most helpful for me was the question, "Am I truly a loving person, or am I just projecting a bunch of egotistical needy 'stuff' onto one target?" I stepped up to that challenge by making it my goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back into consistent commitments to the people I claimed to 'love' but had often neglected during my relationship.

 

This worked in multiple ways that I could only learn through my experiences rather than just think about.

 

Emotions follow behaviors, not the other way around. If I waited until I 'felt like' showing up to help family, friends and neighbors with their errands, household projects, meal prep or treating them to meals, events or walks in the park, I never would have moved out of my own way. I would have isolated and remained preoccupied with my 'ideals' about love while I kept digging a deeper hole to climb out of.

 

I didn't burden the people I love with my grief. I had occasional bouts of the boo-hoos with my tissue box, but then I had to go to work or show up for the next commitment I made and wouldn't blow off. My new mantra became, "I can do this." And that was all I really required of myself: keep calendar full, and show up. That's it. I didn't have to be 'on,' I didn't need to be entertaining. I was a quiet, cheerful listener. I was dedicated to creating great memories for the people I love during a time that I was incapable of enjoying much myself. I could at very least enjoy making others feel appreciated and valued.

 

The healing power of these simple pursuits was immeasurable, and the loving gratitude I felt from these experiences was indescribable. I doubt that anything could have healed me faster, bonded me more deeply, or helped me feel the blessings and fullness of my life any better.

 

Head high.

I am definitely trying to get out etc. I end up canceling a lot. But today I did meet people for coffee and lunch. I didn't cancel. I thought of my ex a lot but I was still there. Quiet but there.

Your advice is good. I am going to screenshot this and take your advice.

How are you finding out information about him? How do you know he's not seeing the "fling" anymore?

How are you finding out information about him? How do you know he's not seeing the "fling" anymore?

I disconnected with all mutual friends. But a former colleague that works with him now asked me for some career advice and she mentioned it in her email to me. She mentioned that "the drama with him and the girl at the desk has ended so now he is more focused."

She doesn't know about my relationship at all. She has no idea. I would cut her off too but at this point i don't think it's necessary. We share a long standing working relationship. She doesn't talk to me often unless she needs my professional advice. I probably won't talk to her again anytime soon. We talk maybe once or twice a quarter IF THAT.

If I thought she was a "source" of information or contact, I would disconnect. But honestly, it would seem odd and raise red flags with her and questions and I don't want that.

Also... I'm strong enough now to know not to contact him or to try to rekindle when we both are so damaged. I'll leave it to fate. If we are meant to be, we will "be".

That's awesome Dominique, it seems you're slowly but surely coming around. And to be honest after gathering more and more information from you about your former relationship I honestly feel that you're in a pretty good position to possibly rekindle things with him in the not so distant future once things settle. And by you saying "If we are meant to be, we will "be" is a very good sign. Good for you! Yes, I totally get that you're still in pain and it really, really hurts still but I believe you're in the right track hun, keep it up!

That's awesome Dominique, it seems you're slowly but surely coming around. And to be honest after gathering more and more information from you about your former relationship I honestly feel that you're in a pretty good position to possibly rekindle things with him in the not so distant future once things settle. And by you saying "If we are meant to be, we will "be" is a very good sign. Good for you! Yes, I totally get that you're still in pain and it really, really hurts still but I believe you're in the right track hun, keep it up!

You are very supportive. Thanks so much. I seriously don't know how I'm still standing but the contact here helps so much.