Is this worth fighting for after 2-plus years? (tired of being second fiddle!)

I made a post some time ago that didn't receive many replies (likely due to the length of it) entitled: "Advice needed: Is my boyfriend set in his ways, already? but I really need help!"

I'm 26 y/o and have only been with my (one and only)boyfriend as of March10th, 2015. He's been with 5 other women with only one of them having been a substantial relationship over a decade ago, that lasted a little under 2 years. Being an only child to a single mother, he grew up being incredibly selfish and self-centered whereas I'm the youngest of 3 and often felt ignored with my thoughts and opinions being put on the back-burner.

I don't believe that our relationship ever developed a foundation. On our third date he took me out to eat and then showed me a tree he said you were able to go inside of---then tells me he and his ex had sex in it once. I recall this being one of my favorite dates, I recall being SO happy up until that point. I was stranded but chose to see him again because I realized it was a stupidTMI moment to which he agrees. Not long, however, I find that he was flirting with a girl (let's call her: Moss) to whom he wrote "pouty duck-face game on point! you're too cute!". It turns out he had an emotional attachment to this girl with whom he'd been corresponding with on/off for about 2-3 years prior to us dating. I was also talking to a man whom I've never met for 7 years (crazy, I know) but it was non-sexual/flirtatious during the time I was dating my boyfriend and this was someone who helped me with my depression and anxiety, this was someone who has stayed on the phone with me all night because I was feeling suicidal.I came clean about it because I felt so guilty having been talking to another man at all! My boyfriend wasn't happy but I cut off contact and with his permission I would later begin talking to him again while allowing him to check my phone whenever he wanted (this did not inspire him to do the same and his attachment was much more of a show of flattery through words).

During this time, unbeknownst to me, my boyfriend has created a secret account on Flickr in order to follow a girl on Instagram who catered to his fetishes and because it allows nudity, he's pointing out Moss' pictures to me (who I still am unaware of) and telling me to be more stylish, dress more like that. I lost my virginity to him around July of 2015 (needed a hymenectomy so he had to wait 4 months for me)and find that he had written to Moss again "you're gonna get me in trouble with your pretty face" *winky-face, waving hand emoji* not long after and 2 weeks before my birthday, he refused to unfollow any of the women I knew he lusted over claiming they were friends despite me beginning to show a lot of distress, angerand sadness about it. I heard him call every other woman, but me, every name in the book: "beautiful", "drop dead gorgeous", "dream girl", "perfect". He would always just tell me "you're cute" witha smile that never reached his eyes and when I would ask why and let him know that I would love to hear that from him, he'd tell me it was weird and call it a day. My depression came back around this time. He began trying to compliments me but it felt forced--the man had to Google things that he never had to do with anyone else--and would tell me that he only said "cute" to someone who meant a lot of him and that he'd NEVER used it on anyone else (obviously a lie). He was also unbelievably cheap but would ask for really pricey things for himself from me which I kindly gave to him. Just recently he told me he was getting me something I've been wanting (a canvas) and I come home to a poster on the wall of the painting. A part of me is grateful and the other part is like: "REALLY?!..."

He's changed a lot but still has a ways to go but hasn't made up for all the emotional damage he caused. I feel depressed and burnt ou and it's hard to accept what he says. I don't know if my depression is preventing me from forgiving him or if being with him is making my depression worse. I never did anything to warrant this and he agrees. Keep in mind that this went on EVERY DAY over the course of 1 1/2 years and I fell out of love in the process.His reasoning is that having been so cut off from the world and in a bubble, he didn't understand a lot of the social faux pas when it came to relationships. He said he did all this as a single guy so it was hard to cut the habit (old habits die hard). A part of me gets it but there we have the:

Sexual issues:

--In the 2+ years together he has, NOT ONCE, fulfilled ANY of my sexual fantasies while I've fulfilled all of his (I'm 26 ing years old, there is I want to do before I drop dead! he just reverts back to what he's always done with others--his fetish and a specific position)

--He had issues with me masturbating when we first met, he felt only men were allowed to do it b/c he thought that if women did it they're become desensitized (ironically, he ended up having the "death grip" issue himself for a long time and it ruined our sex life)

--He tells me he has fantasies that are only hot when strangers do it, not whensomeone he loves does it

--My sex drive is a lot higher than his

--He seems to onlybe attracted to incredibly petite women (unlike me) and it's made me insecure in a way I've never felt prior to meeting him

My ultimatum? We breakup and do what we wish OR I get one meaningless given that he made me get rid of this person I spoke to for 7 years while he did what he wanted, flirted, etc for over half a month after. He's asked me why I can't forgive him but the truth is: I have never known how to and never have. Therapy has been useless for us, lately. Advice?

Sorry to hear this. You sound rather incompatible on a few levels..

It may be best to focus on your own well being right now and continue mental health care and therapy. Were you taken to the hospital in lieu of being arrested?

Unfortunately the relationship sounds toxic and you should get out rather than hoping he changes.

We are living together. I was not arrested but I was taken to a hospital and released and they said it was unnecessary because I pulled the knife in self defense. The therapist I spoke to had never seen me but felt I was a threat to him because she failed to ask what lead to me pulling that knife. If she had, she would have known that was unnecessary.

This is an insanely unhealthy situation. Please leave and figure out why you think this is something worth saving?? From this and your other thread this guy sounds like a clueless @$$hole. This is not what healthy relationships look like.

He is a cheat, liar and an emotional abuser. Get him out of your life!

Who cares if he is an only child ! I know plenty of people who do not have siblings and do not behave like this. Stop making excuses .

This guy does not like or respect you. Get away from him! He is an azzhole!

We are all free to be good people and kind to others regardless of our life situation or upbringing. It's a choice. He made the choice of being extremely toxic to you. This is very unhealthy. There are no excuses. The only way is out and maybe also seek a good therapist to help you cope with all this.

Urrgh!!!! This guy sounds like a complete creep! I would have run in the opposite direction the moment he took me to a tree and told me he'd had sex in it with an ex! I am sorry that you are in this situation but, come on ..... do you really need to ask? What is there worth fighting for? Being an only child is not an excuse to treat people badly.

In a healthier happier situation I am sure you could be happier too. I certainly don't think that this guy is helping. You need to focus on getting yourself better but the best way to do it is far away from this guy because he will only continue to bring you down.

My advice is that you stop making excuses for your boyfriend's bad behavior and end the relationship.

Is this worth fighting for after 2-plus years?

No. What, exactly, does this guy bring to the table that's worth any of this?

Thank you everyone for the advice! I'm writing again because he felt that I did not write any of the good things he has done. I actually had followed the advice "catfeeder" suggested and backed off over 3-4 months ago and it seemed to have clicked in him that he needed to do something ASAP. It seemed that he realized that he was no longer able to take me for granted and he said he realized that he's always done this (including to his mother)

A lot of you asked what he does that warrants me staying with him and I guess it's because I have seen quite a few changes that have lasted a few months but it's my fear of him reverting to his old self is what makes me wonder if it's worth it. He claims it will never go back to the way it was because he realized how selfish he was being and it's changed him. He has:

1) Began complimenting me a lot more

2) Stopped using social media in order to search/look for women and offered to get rid of it if I wanted him to

3) Allows me to use his phone (but he still thinks I shouldn't have to---in time)

4) Began taking me out to eat to make up for that third date when we first met---to places he's never been to without anyone else

5) He's been coming come and surprising me with little treats or gifts (i.e. flowers, favorite drinks/snacks, trinkets)

6) He's been stepping up and buying food/stuff for the apt and offering to get me things if I go to stores (i.e. Sephora, etc)

7) He's shown genuine remorse for his actions (this man rarely cries and he's broken down on his knees for me a few times)

8) When I asked him to name the things he did wrong, he can actually name every one and apologize and explain what was going on at the time with him (which is the self-awareness I was looking for)

9) He makes an effort to reassure me if there's an attractive woman in sight and is more honest about pointing it out and not making it a big deal instead of hiding it (which is what bothered me, I understand we're human and notice, otherwise)

10) He did attempt to make one of my sexual fantasies a reality but had some performance anxiety (it's a weather-permitting fantasy) so I had to wait a whole year and he's been able to do other things in the meantime in order to help my desire to explore more (he wasn't able to do that before b/c of the performance anxiety)

But I have that fear now and that's what our therapist has said. He said "I've seen a lot of bulls*itters and he's not bull*hitting". But I have always been one to believe in "once a(n emotional) cheater, always a(n emotional) cheater" so I'm torn. I think the fact that he's been my only relationship also plays a huge role. I don't know any better, if I had been with, even, one other decent man I would have dumped him a long time ago but my self-esteem was never so bad that I didn't believe, even back then, that I couldn't do any better but I can't help who I love and I do have love for him. I just questions if I'm in love when we argue. I know that my childhood and adolescence plays a huge role because my father was a huge cheater and locked my mother out of the house (my b/f owns the apt) so I think I'm a bit of a control freak because of that. I want to prevent that from happening to me and have a legal cohabitation agreement with him--which shows my trust issues but, hey, I'm also not stupid. Given that I haven't seen a "break" in his behavior, again I ask the question: Is it worth it?

P.S. that poster? he got me the actual painting and is having it stretched.