How do I prepare my self for a break up when I'm still in Love with him?

Hi. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year now. We've been having some really tough times recently. We're both really emotional people and tend to fight a lot. I thought that it was just a small rough patch but he told me that he felt like this has been going on for over a year. We fight a lot because I'm really sensitive, so when he does little things that upset me, we end up fighting like it's a big thing. Most of the time all I want from little fights is to explain how I feel and then an apology. I feel like the reason why our small fights turn big is because he sees them as larger than they should be. He decided we should take a break a few days ago and a day later he told me that he wanted to be with me. I told him that we should continue to stay on our break for at least a little while longer because I wanted him to be sure, and because I also wanted some time to think about my feelings and what I want to change in the relationship. What I want is for us to restore our passion. It hasnt died out since we've been dating but we don't seem as obsessed with each other as we were in the beginning of our relationship. We used to talk on the phone every night for hours at a time and we don't do that as much anymore. We used to send each other long paragraphs for good night messages but we dont do that as much anymore. It's the little things that I miss. Although the little things have stopped he's actually become such an incredible boyfriend. I now feel like he puts me first and I didn't always feel that way in the beginning of our relationship even though more of the little things happened. My question here today is: How do I tell him that I want more sweet little things to happen, but also let him know that I think that he's perfect the way he is? I dont want him change, I just want us to revive our old tiny traditions. Another thing that I feel is that he might not want to be with me. I don't know how to handle that because he is such a big part of my life. He was my first boyfriend, and my first everything. I had never even kissed anyone before him. He makes up so many of my memories that it'll be so hard to just forget about him, especially given the fact that I still love and care about him so much. How do I prepare myself for the fact that it might be over so I dont fall apart if it does? How can I deal with not being with someone I still love and care for so much? There isnt anyone like him. I feel like he's so perfect and that I could never find anyone that even compares to how special he is. I really believe in soul mates, and i feel like he might be mine. How do I deal with the fact that he might be the one that got away?

So let me get this straight, you fight a lot and you feel most of it is because little things he does that you don't like, then you want an explanation AND an apology. Then you want him to do more things for you that he used to do even though you don't mention at all the things you might not be doing for him.

But yet even though you criticised him in your post and made it mostly about you and you, he's still perfect?

no, not at all. I think he's perfect but he sometimes says the wrong thing, which isnt what he means, but we end up fighting about what he said. So when I confront him about what he says I confront him with the expectation that he has an explanation for it, and if he doesnt then hell apologize. I dont mean to criticize him. I didnt mean for it to come out that way.

Yes but re-read even your last message, that's fairly demanding. If you don't like how he speaks or how is he, don't be with him. But don't demand that he be different or be how you want him to be or speak how you think is right.

Being as this is your first relationship, I will tell you, it's not meant to be like that. You don't control people or demand like this. It's very unhealthy. You allow people their freedom to be who they are and how they are and if it's incompatible with you, then you find someone else.

im not trying to do that. I dont want to change him. I never even had that intention. I'm not demanding anything from him.

Really? Cause by the sounds of it, dude's gotta explain what he meant and how he meant it and why he said it and if it doesn't wash, he then needs to apologise.

Seriously, that's demanding. And no one has a right to do that to another person.

If you don't like how he is, move on, simple as that.

i think you sound quite confused about everything, and part of that is that youre scared he is going to end it. you know things have drifted, and thats normal to a degree, things change in the relaationship the longer you are together. the best thing to do is sit down with him and talk openly about what both of you are feeling, whats working amd what isnt and if he wants to try and make things work then he will listen and talk with you.

if hhe doesnt listen and talk with you then he's not as committed to the relationship as you are and you may have to accept it might not work out, but there isnt anything you can do to change that.... he either will be or wont be.

Life is not a fairy tale. Reality is that things change. He can't speak every night for hours on the phone and text long paragraphs all the time. Just accept what is and stop focusing on whats wrong.

Life is not a fairy tale. Reality is that things change. He can't speak every night for hours on the phone and text long paragraphs all the time. Just accept what is and stop focusing on whats wrong.

Yes, I agree.

OP, you mentioned this is your first boyfriend. It's normal that the initial lust and "obsession" tapers down over time. It doesn't necessarily mean there is something wrong with the relationship. It just means that people have lives and need to keep a balance. Also, if the fighting was frequent, then he probably started to lose the desire to talk a lot. Excessive fighting breeds resentment, which is what has happened here - for him, anyway. He was becoming unhappy.

You said you tend to get upset over small things. Can you give an example of your sensitivity? And his typical response? Dealing with this gets tiresome and indicates the problem-solving skills and emotional regulation between the couple aren't very good. The relationship starts to feel like a battle-ground rather than a pleasure.

Relationships have a series of natural phases. The talking for hours and long texts phase cannot and does not last forever. You cannot go back to that. It would not be natural. If you do some reading (plenty of material online) of what a normal relationship looks like, the honeymoon stage wears off after the first few months. As for the fighting, frankly you sound exhausting. People do not perceive fighting the same way. It depends on the way they were brought up. What may seem 'small fight' to you may feel hurtful and exhausting to him. You seriously need to set your priorities straight. If he is putting you first, you need to appreciate that and lose the disney outlook on relationships and what they should look like. Read up on what a healthy relationship looks like (hint: it's NOT what you described) and take it from there if he is still on board. It's a team effort. It's about building trust, respectful communication, acceptance of the other person as they really are, common goals and past the honeymoon phase it does take work, compromise and building up on communication skills to match the other. It is like a living thing constantly evolving with both people changing over time and life bringing new challenges. Once you become complacent or one of the two gives up it dies.

So you've been fighting for as long as you've been together? That's not good.

The thing is, by your own admission, you say these fights are little things that YOU blow up into bigger things ..... yet you are the one then seeking an explanation and an apology. However you are putting all the blame on him and you then rehash these "little things" until you get a satisfactory explanation along with an apology. That all sounds very draining. He can't spend the entire relationship apologising to you .... at some point you have to look at the part you are playing in these fights too.

You want certain things from the relationship that he can't keep up with. Relationships do change over time. Talking on the phone for hours every night and sending long paragraphs of texts are to be expected in the beginning but this will inevitably slow down. You can't keep that up forever. It will become monotonous, unspontaneous and as draining as the arguments.

Honestly, it sounds as though you are being a tad overbearing and rather demanding with your expectations. You are also being a little overdramatic bearing in mind you haven't broken up yet. I get that you are worried. That being so, you need to stop niggling at him and pushing him away. You just need to stop worrying about everything. Don't be one of those high maintenance girlfriends with their high expectations and "all about me" attitude. Try to make things easier between you. Be a fun girlfriend. If it doesn't work and you do break up .... well we can cross that bridge when you come to it.

Sorry to hear this but it sounds like it's devolved into fighting about fighting with no real issue at hand. The infatuation phase doesn't last forever so you can't bring that back because the novelty hormones have expired as well as all the pointless bickering taking it's toll.

It's great you decided to take more time to reflect and cool off. However trying now to make turn this into breakup/makeup stuff just to get the roller coaster hormones going for the sake of "passion", and new bf attention won't work.

Healthy relationships can move through the all phases well and enjoy each one. They don't try to look for thrills and chills and new dating highs all the time.

Also, you don't fix things by telling him how he needs to be. You fix them by accepting him and stopping the petty bickering. It sounds like he may want fwb or hookups but the fighting seems to have gotten to far too ridiculous levels to sustain a relationship.

We're both really emotional people and tend to fight a lot.He decided we should take a break a few days ago and a day later he told me that he wanted to be with me. I told him that we should continue to stay on our break for at least a little while longer because I wanted him to be sure, and because I also wanted some time to think about my feelings and what I want to change in the relationship.