Met a girl on POF last night and was turned off by this question

We chatted online for a bit and then exchanged phone numbers. Then we talked for the first time last night and it was something about this question that rubbed me the wrong way

"Do you see yourself buying a house one day?

I was like..."huh? Like where did that question even come from? When I was in my late 20's a woman didn't want you living at home with your parents and now in my late 30's I supposed to have a house

It's these types of questions that make me not wanna Date anymore

I don't know somebody in their late 30s I would expect them to have some idea what they want from life and expect them to have achieved something.

Run...Husband hunter.

"Do you see yourself buying a house one day?

She's trying to assess if you're looking to settle down or not without actually asking you "hey, are you looking for someone to settle down with?"

File that one under "thanks, no thanks." Plenty of ways to inquire on your intent to settle down without discussing assets before so much as a first date. Not saying one way or the other for sure, but don't see the point in expanding your options through OLD if you're gonna settle for assuming unnecessary risks.

Why does it rub you the wrong way? Do you plan on buying a house one day yes or no.

Ambition and stability are important to some people so she asked. It isn't like she asked if you were going to buy a 500K house soon or something.

People are way to quick to judge with no more information than a question.

If you live with your parents or some tiny apartment maybe that is something that has been an issue for her it he past so she is sensitive to it.

Lost

lol, I love the above answers...

OP (guy)= *hesitant*

Two guys = *Run!*

Two girls = *This is natural - she's trying to find out if you have your head screwed on...*

...oh how men's and women's minds are different...

For me, I agree... it might be a bit strange in a first conversation but answer yes... chances are you do plan to eventually (or would like to), no harm done. Just watch out... take her to dinner and if she does the *purse grab*, you can let her off

...and for the record, the one that scared me off on a first date (again, from PoF) was *so when can I meet your mum?*

As I said, on a first date!

I would assume that she's interested in house ownership with a partner, by her question. As in, she will be expecting you to buy a house in the future, not be renting for life.

That question might bother me some.

It feels as if she is trying to size you up financially and asking what she thought was an indirect question, that wasn't.

It just seems inappropriate for a first conversation.

What's next? Asking if you are enrolled in a 401K?

I may not write her off totally. Especially if everything else lined up. But it's something I'd be on the look out for.

"Do you see yourself buying a house one day?

I just don't find this question so frightening. I guess I have enough faith in my ability to get out of a situation that I don't want to be in, should such a situation arise.

Can you email me your last years income tax return along with your latest bank statements and by the way, what's your credit score? Wow does it get more romantic than that?...And all this love-bombing before even meeting?

There's a dating site based on credit scores

Tbh, I'd side-eye a guy who was 25+ and not contributing to a 401k or at least plans to put away for retirement meaningfully. I've been contributing to mine since I was 22 even though I don't make much. I also have stopped seeing guys who revealed to me, naturally, that they make stupid financial choices, like driving without insurance, buying stupid-expensive cars, having loads of personal debt, having a timeshare, etc.

But if you're savvy, you can figure out all of that information without actually coming out and asking things like "How do you feel about home ownership?" Stuff comes up naturally and if you're a good conversationalist, a lot can come out. A LOT.

I'd take it as a lifestyle compatibility type question and wouldn't be bothered by it at all.

I mean if her dream is a house in the burbs and your idea of ideal life is a small condo or apartment downtown in the middle of all action.....why even waste time dating or going on another date? You are just going to clash where it really matters in the long run.

I've never asked a question like that, but I've had plenty of guys share their goals about stuff like that early on. It just makes sense to check early on that you see eye to eye on these kinds of things.

Not everyone has the same priorities. It doesn't mean disaster is imminent.

Not everyone has the same priorities. It doesn't mean disaster is imminent.

Agreed...but for most, isn't it the best thing to find someone who has similar priorities, especially when it comes to "big stuff" like house, marriage, etc? Like attracts like, and all of that.

Tbh, I'd side-eye a guy who was 25+ and not contributing to a 401k or at least plans to put away for retirement meaningfully. I've been contributing to mine since I was 22 even though I don't make much. I also have stopped seeing guys who revealed to me, naturally, that they make stupid financial choices, like driving without insurance, buying stupid-expensive cars, having loads of personal debt, having a timeshare, etc.

 

But if you're savvy, you can figure out all of that information without actually coming out and asking things like "How do you feel about home ownership?" Stuff comes up naturally and if you're a good conversationalist, a lot can come out. A LOT.

agreed. . .just not a convo for a first chat.

'What's your favorite food' is probably a more appropriate question.

I guess my thoughts come from finding OLD sometimes turns out to be a job interview if we aren't careful.

Agreed...but for most, isn't it the best thing to find someone who has similar priorities, especially when it comes to "big stuff" like house, marriage, etc? Like attracts like, and all of that.

Oh yes, for sure. But it wouldn't ruin my faith in humanity if I ran into someone different.

Oh yes, for sure. But it wouldn't ruin my faith in humanity if I ran into someone different.

Oh I wouldn't either..but I also wouldn't date them.

I might. If I liked them otherwise.

I wouldn't, not when it comes to big things, but that's me. I like to see if someone fits my "checklist" in terms of compatibility. I will only consider a relationship/attraction once they meet those things first. Attraction doesn't mean much to me because I can usually develop it, compatibility is hard to find.

I wouldn't, not when it comes to big things, but that's me. I like to see if someone fits my "checklist" in terms of compatibility. I will only consider a relationship/attraction once they meet those things first. Attraction doesn't mean much to me because I can usually develop it, compatibility is hard to find.

Absolutely. I would not date to say , hey that was a good date . A date would be a vessel to find a partner. And if you are not giving thought to financial security in late 30's .. Ok, that does not work for me. You don't have to be a millionaire but if you're still at the path of making 30,000 a year and barely scraping by because well whatever reason then my date would be wasted because I am not looking for a date as we had a nice meal woohoo.

I just like to get to know different people. Some relationships are not meant to be long term. Two people roll together for a while, learn something new.

If I asked someone if he was planning to buy a house in the near future, I wouldn't expect it to hit him like a ton of bricks. It's just a question.

If someone asked me that question, I wouldn't impute so much meaning into it (like, how much do you make, what kind of debt are you in, etc.). I just don't make that kind of leap in my mind.

I will put my 2 cents worth in as it has been a very interesting post.

I'm 40 divorced with 2 kids, I have my mother live with me (health reasons). Now the other part of this is that the house was hers until I bought it off her so she had more money to travel and enjoy her later years. I have found that women think this is very strange and that they put me in the category of mummies boy which I am not. I pay the bills, wash my own clothes, cook, clean, look after my boys but as soon as they hear my mother lives with me they are this is a big "NO".

I have got to a point where I don't date anymore because as I have found people seem to want only one thing.

I will put my 2 cents worth in as it has been a very interesting post.

 

I'm 40 divorced with 2 kids, I have my mother live with me (health reasons). Now the other part of this is that the house was hers until I bought it off her so she had more money to travel and enjoy her later years. I have found that women think this is very strange and that they put me in the category of mummies boy which I am not. I pay the bills, wash my own clothes, cook, clean, look after my boys but as soon as they hear my mother lives with me they are this is a big "NO".

 

I have got to a point where I don't date anymore because as I have found people seem to want only one thing.

I would not think you were a mommy's boy, however I could never live with someone's mother. Just,no. Maybe it is my influence of having hideous inlaws for 27 years,maybe.( They are more okay to me now but still would NEVER live with them. ) Women don't want to have to fight for the Queen Bee position.