Military breakup

Thank you for reading!

About a year ago I started dating a newly divorced man and at first I did not think it was a problem because he was always so happy when he was around me and so into me way more than I was into him. Months went by and I went through worst thing that could happen to me (very personal) so I was not exactly the nicest person to him. I started expecting more and kept bringing it up, for example I would bring it to his attention that he would never buy me flowers or do anything romantic. we were together for so long that we couldn't let go. While he was away on a mission I sent him a letter asking him for my space that I needed to think if he was the person I wanted to be with because I didn't feel like I was getting treated the way I was suppose to. He never replied to my message instead when he came back he went to a club and kissed a girl he used to hook up with after his divorce. I found out the next day and confronted him about it we did not speak for a while eventually we met up to talk. He told me that I hurt him a lot when I sent him the messaged then he cried and hugged me. A few days after that he didn't message me at all he sent me a text telling me that "he doesn't expect to get over me and that I'm the best woman he ever had but he realized he's not ready at the moment he said he will be soon and he didn't think it was fair to ask me to wait so I should move on" after that we haven't spoken in 3 months.

I'm not really sure what happened, I know I have to move on for my own sake but I just feel like I don't understand what went wrong like is he lying? He's getting deployed soon as well. I often find myself thinking if he ever comes back is it smart to give him another chance? I would just like to know your thoughts about this

Reason he got divorced he got cheated on while he was on deployment.

So he was deployed on a mission and that's your timing for asking for space and you wonder what went wrong??? Really?

I mean he wasn't even around, so how much more space could you possibly need from someone. I presume you weren't on the phone and skype with each other 24/7 either while he was busy. You asking for "space" and when he already wasn't around was interpreted as "I need to fck around with other guys while you are not around." especially given his relationship history. You shouldn't be surprised at the outcome. Of course he got hurt and now he dumped you and at least now he doesn't have to worry about what's happening with his relationship during his next deployment.

Personally, I think this is done, stick a fork in it kind of a situation. On top of that, you got him on a rebound from his divorce, so sounds like your relationship with him was bound to go down the drain anyway once the honeymoon and his need to plug a void went away. So lose/lose/lose for you. Sorry, but probably best that you move on.

Sounds like you pushed things too far. Everyone has a breaking point. You took out your frustrations on him, which is never OK, and you asked for a break while he was on deployment through what sounds like a conceited dear John letter. Most people would view this as a betrayal and break of trust. He broke up with you at that point but just as you didn't wait to communicate in person, he didn't bother to tell you, hence going back straight to his hook up once he was back. He told you to move on afterwards, the rest of it was sugarcoating it. Given the circumstances I don't see this working out. You are both very bad at communicating with each other. A useful lesson to take from this is that everyone, no matter how into you they may seem, has a breaking point so you should not take people for granted like that. In any case, you got him on the rebound from a divorce so this relationship was never stable to begin with.

Yes, as a military spouse, the worst for military member is that Dear John kick in the nuts when they can't do a thing about it. Missions mean their lives and the lives of others. Save break ups for when they are home.

He was gone for two weeks. I'm in the military also. I realize now it wasn't the best timing but I just wanted to get my head right with no communication. And I did tell him that never cheated never will but part of me felt like the only reason he couldn't show me emotion was because he wasn't over his divorce he was over his ex but not the situation

Well, either way,it is probably done.

I was not exactly the nicest person to him. I started expecting more and kept bringing it up, for example I would bring it to his attention that he would never buy me flowers or do anything romantic. . While he was away on a mission I sent him a letter asking him for my space that I needed to think if he was the person I wanted to be with because I didn't feel like I was getting treated the way I was suppose to.

 

I would just like to know your thoughts about this

My thoughts are that he saw the writing on the wall that this relationship is not going to work out and made the decision to leave (rightly so). When reading your words above I have to admit I'm having a hard time figuring out why you can't understand this.

While he was away on a mission I sent him a letter asking him for my space that I needed to think if he was the person I wanted to be with because I didn't feel like I was getting treated the way I was suppose to.

Find someone who's not military. Unless it's some kind of fetish.

OP, bad timing on your part aside, remember that your relationship was already circling the drain and you were asking for space because you were not happy with him and how he was treating you. Do remember that and keep that in perspective. Just because he pulled the trigger first, doesn't mean you need to try to cling on because of hurt ego or some such. This break sounds about as mutual as a break up can get. It wasn't working for you, wasn't working for him, now you are both free. Onward and upward!

Well, either way,it is probably done.

I agree with this. I'm sorry but you need to move on, as you know you're timing really wasn't the best.

Thanks guys I know I probably sound like a bad person I really needed someone to tell me how it is. I'm working on myself to be better. Im still learning