First online date gone wrong?

Hey,

I would appreciate some advice on online dating dates.

I signed up to a site for the first time, was talking to a few guys...but one caught my eye and interests, after a few days chatting on site we exchanged numbers.

We texted everyday, sometimes for hours.

He is a shy guy and is having a hard time at the minute with a medical problem he's suffered with all his life. He's on steroids and did say that he felt embarrassed to meet me as he's bloated up.

I explained that he shouldn't feel bad, I'm a believer of take someone at there worst or you don't deserve them at there best.

Anyway, after 3 weeks of talking..he asked me out for a date, he said to me to choose as he didn't want it to go wrong...so I chose a little low key rooftop bbq, cinema.

A few days before the date, we had a misunderstanding by text and I was a little dubious about being on a long date with him, incase he was some sort of moody man. So arranged a lunch in a country pub instead,

Ok, the day of the date...he was running late as he was helping his mum with things, no problem.

Then he texts and said he will be an hour late, but is on his way...I text back and said ok, but we've missed the lunch menu now, just have to have a few drinks and I'll eat on the way home.

He gets to the pub, first time of meeting.....he was very apologetic, and said he will buy me dinner, which I politiey refused..I suppose I felt like he was just saying it to be s gentleman. And considering it was only 3oclock and hours away from dinner.

I then found out he had lunch with his mum!

Well the chat was a little slow at first...but I then realised what a wonderful guy he was....and suddenly got nervous...clammed up and couldn't string a sentence together...I suggested going for a walk..as there was nothing to do...we did...then went for dinner and walk again...the date lasted from 3-midnight. Towards the end the chat started to dwindle...tired, long day and a heatwave...

He gave me a kiss on the cheek and said to text him to say I got home safe.

I did, and apologised for clamming up and being a goon. He said its wasn't a problem...next morning he text to say have a good day....then nothing.

I text I'm later on and said, had a lovely day would like to do it again one day, if he fancied it, let me know.

Nothing? I find it rude that he's blanked me as I would appriciate a, thanks but no thanks.

Is this what online dating is??

I feel he tried...but at the beginning I feel a little annoyed at him being late for our lunch, and he's already eaten. So I suppose I was a little guarded.

Is this a date that set off on the wrong foot...??

That was rude to have lunch plans with you and go out to eat with his mom instead, then to show up not just a little late but a lot later! It seemed like he was interested given the length of time you two spent together. The kiss on the cheek though could be an indicator however he isn't as interested as he let on. I think if a guy liked you he would ask to kiss on the lips like a peck or something.

Also he didn't make plans he just wanted to make sure you got home safe.

It's annoying when people ghost! I find it more decent if he was to be upfront and honest with you then just disappear!

I get why people disappear so they don't hurt your feelings, still it's better to just be honest.

I would give it another day or two and if he doesn't respond give up on him and keep at it. You will find somebody who will be more polite and worth the wait.

Lisa

Did you reply to him the same day he wished you a good day? How long has it been since you text him?

Yes, you'll get people who will drop off without a word. Yeah, it sucks, but it's pretty much the same consequence and you take the hint. That said, it's a bit odd to not get a second date after a 9-hour first date.

Also, don't spend three weeks texting prior to a date. Really, you shouldn't do any texting aside from setting up a date. For one, you're investing way too much, and for another, it's really an awful way of getting to know someone.

The best strategy is to meet asap and skip the all day texting for days. This cuts down on the scammers, catfish and time wasters. Do not invest in people you've never met.

Many people multi-date so expect bs stories, last minute cancellations, stalling, disappearing, etc. expect a lot of one-and-done dates. Always be ready to move on if you encounter a flake or time-waster.

...the date lasted from 3-midnight. I text I'm later on and said, had a lovely day would like to do it again one day, if he fancied it, let me know.Nothing?

Hey, thank you for your advice. Yes I did reply that day....and also he had mentioned he was going fishing that day. So didn't think anything of it that he hadn't replied.

The only reason we was texting as he was feeling a little inadequate about heself so I didn't want to push him.

Online dating is full of flakes and lazy people. You found one of them. Never plan a first date yourself, if they are unable or unwilling to do even that much, take it as a warning signal.

This guy exhibited a few red flags even before you went on the date, and the date itself...well, being one hour + late is just inexcusable. As is him having eaten with his mother (if it was his mother and not another date), which is profoundly disrespectful to you and your plans.

Quite frankly, I'm not sure why you stayed after learning all that. I would have maybe had a drink and then excused myself and left, never to see him again. That is, IF I had waited for him for over an hour, which I wouldn't have done.

Another big mistake was dragging the date until midnight. No first date should ever be this long, so it's no surprise the chatting started to dwindle towards the end.

All in all, you should aim higher. Don't plan first dates (it's ok to weigh in and offer ideas, but don't plan the whole thing), don't wait more than 15 minutes if they are late, and don't accept insults. You want a guy who at least tries to put his best foot forward on the first meet; this guy did nothing, he was rude, disrespectful of you and your time, and it would be a blessing in disguise if you never hear from him again.

Don't settle.

The only reason we was texting as he was feeling a little inadequate about heself so I didn't want to push him.

To recap: he's indecisive, already there's miscommunication, disregarded your plans so he could be with mommy, and now has ignored you. This is your ideal guy who you want to waste a second more time thinking about? I hope you think more highly of yourself than that.

The idea of online dating is.... dating. That means dating more than one, not getting hung up on one person, especially when that one already is aggravating. Also, don't text someone for very long before meeting, it only builds a false sense thinking you know who they are. He's a stranger. Leave him with mum.

Please don't buy these excuses, he is multidating, not fishing, lunching with mum, etc. he is meeting others (you should be doing this as well) Do not over invest in people you really do not know, no matter how nice a first meet may have gone.

Stop all the texting. He could be texting you while on a date from the pub toilet. Texting is not dating.

also he had mentioned he was going fishing that day.The only reason we was texting as he was feeling a little inadequate about heself so I didn't want to push him.

I agree with Wiseman, this does not sound good. Unfortunately with online dating many do multi date and you never know what you're gonna get. It sounds as though he was playing around and now, is no longer interested.

Multi dating really is the answer to many peoples dating questions, most important, "ghosting". I'll say 9 times out of 10 they simply met a new flavor of the month. Just like when you apply for a job, they don't call everyone back that sent in a resume to tell them they weren't successful. You get silently rejected the same way.

Him eating before the date and being an hour late was really poor form, especially when first impressions count so much. Maybe you are looking at this the wrong way..... perhaps you dodged a bullet. Some of the wrong ones will weed themselves out and disappear.

Dating is not for the faint of heart.

Pretty similar thing just happened to me. Don't think we did anything wrong. Dating is a process of meeting and trying people out. Most won't fit. It's sucky when you're still interested and they're not but statistically, it's going to happen.

Keep reminding myself those who ghost would make terrible partners anyway because of the lack of communication skills/empathy.

It is sucky....live and learn ey...☺️

eeexactly

Ok, well I was just getting to the point of realising, what multiple dates and ghosting was,

So plucked up the courage to go on another site to have a look around.

And blow me down, he's on there.

Wasn't surprise or bothered.

Skipped passed his profile.

For him to message me...apologising for blanking me and hopes I don't hate him??!

I replied don't hate anyone was just disappointed you blanked me, he apologised again..and said being as none of us got in touch he thought that was it.

And also, if we couldn't be open with each other in person we would struggle later on?

To which I bit back, I wouldn't of been such a closed book if you had turned up for lunch as you said you would, it made me wary of you.

He's reply, I apologised for that and your still holding it against me!

Then he's tune changed, and he then told me I don't know how to behave on a date!

Meaning I was nervous.

Why message me then if I was that bad?!

Confused and over him lol

It's so important when doing online to quickly recognize red flags and move on. Getting into a debate with someone you met once or not at all it a complete waste of time and will burn you out.

To which I bit back, I wouldn't of been such a closed book if you had turned up for lunch as you said you would, it made me wary of you. He's reply, I apologised for that and your still holding it against me!

Dating is not for the faint of heart.

Quoted for truth.

Dating is mostly about self-reflection, and this guy has disrespected you.

You have allowed him to do this, and made excuses for him. Time to figure out why that is.

This guy ain't s*** in the grand scheme of things. Start looking inward.