Is anyone a "demisexual"?

I just randomly ran across a definition for demisexual today and realized how much it applies to me. Apparently demisexuals only feel sexual attraction to someone after forming an emotional bond. They do not really find a person attractive unless there is an emotional bond. When I read this I just thought... WHAT... THERE IS A TERM FOR HOW I FEEL???

So.. I'm just wondering if others feel this way... I didn't realize it was actually a thing. I have felt like I am so weird because I don't understand how people can just be like "oh that guy's hot" or something. In fact I don't like the idea of being in a relationship with someone who is like that even when single. I just attributed it to my own insecurity.

I suppose I would need to be more open-minded and understanding to be able to be in a healthy relationship with someone who does not have the "demisexual" thing that I seem to have. Does anyone have experience with this? Any thoughts at all?

Thanks

whaaaa...? i thought that was the norm?! lol, makes two of us then.

In other words, be friends first and see what happens. Kind of like damp gunpowder......

Really?? How do you think we're the normal ones when everyone else is obsessed with checking out all the guys and girls on magazines that they don't even know?? I mean I can say that person is attractive or whatever, but I don't really feel it. And whenever I'm dating someone, that person becomes the most handsome guy in the world to me.. which I think that should be normal, right?

All my relationships have always been with people that I was friends with first.. I can't imagine going on a date with someone I don't really know..

Usually attraction comes before bonds but, hey why not? Did you know there is also Quasisexual, meaning "somewhat sexual", Yeah it's a thing.

Attraction (at least at the outset) is a very visual affair.

Id say im demisexual too.

I don't know.

I mean I see beautiful women a lot of the time, but I never feel like I want to have sex with them, I admire them for a few seconds and then move on with my day, I'll continue about my day. The only two women I have wanted to have sex with were women I built up a relationship with, there was closeness between us but for various reasons I didn't end up with either woman but that's the only time I have really wanted to have sex.

Lemme see...

I don't think it is about seeing someone beautiful or handsome.

I've only experienced this on a very few occasions and that's all it was, a momentary sensation, but very strong.

Saw someone, just fleeting, but the sensation was like being kicked by a mule in the stomach lol.

Interesting, I find myself getting grossed out with kissing/having sex with my fwb and when my date tried to kiss me, both are cute girls and I shouldnt feel that way.

I might be demisexual too

I think there was another post on this subject a while ago, which was the first time I heard about "demisexual". If that's a real thing, then I'm it, because while I am perfectly able to see a guy and say "wow he's hot", if I was offered a bed and a chance to have sex with him right then and there, I would be unable to do that. I can appreciate a good looking male, but not in the "I want to rip your clothes off" kind of way.

I need to know someone a bit and hang out with him a few times at least, before I'm able to open my body to him. A mental connection needs to happen first. This is why I have never had a one night stand or casual sex, my body doesn't function based only on looks or instant attraction. If that makes me a demisexual, so be it

I am not a fan of labeling in general but especially for something like this - this is one of those typical/obvious situations where the label's purpose is just to have a label, to compartmentalize. Simply date people who are comfortable forming an emotional bond before having sex (maybe you'll kiss/cuddle/be sexual to an extent before that but you know your personal boundaries). Don't limit yourself or look to label yourself for something as basic as this IMHO.

I'm not a demisexual and I do not understand it at all. I could have great sex with the mailman. Relationships are much better when there is emotional investment, for sure. For sex? Nah. I see guys I wouldn't mind jumping all the time just walking down the street. I think that's most people.

I agree that labeling things isn't really ideal, but it helps to find others who feel the same way. And I'm really happy to see that there are other people who feel this way! Honestly I hope to end up with someone who feels the same way in this regard. I value when someone isn't the type of person to get turned on at any good looking body, and basically only has those feelings for the person they are in a relationship with. Of course, I think that people can't really control those sexual urges, but I am allowed to have my preferences

I think labels like that are dumb - they make a non-issue into a "thing." People are people and everyone is different. Some people are attracted physically first, some people are attracted mentally/emotionally first. Figure out which you are, and then apply that to how you meet people.

To me, "demisexual" is like labeling someone who prefers brunettes to blonds and then making that so much more of a significant thing than it actually is.

Yeah I'm Demi sexual and its made it hard to form relAtionships because by the time your sexually attracted to a person , you're basically in the friend zone

Yeah I'm Demi sexual and its made it hard to form relAtionships because by the time your sexually attracted to a person , you're basically in the friend zone

I didn't know that term existed, but it describes me to a T. And yes, makes it hard to get to a relationship for this exact reason.

I am not a fan of labeling in general but especially for something like this - this is one of those typical/obvious situations where the label's purpose is just to have a label, to compartmentalize. Simply date people who are comfortable forming an emotional bond before having sex (maybe you'll kiss/cuddle/be sexual to an extent before that but you know your personal boundaries). Don't limit yourself or look to label yourself for something as basic as this IMHO.

I'm not sure that it's just a label in this case. I feel like there is a spectrum of how much emotional connection is needed, and demisexual is generally referring to a far end of it. I definitely prefer the friends first approach, and when I see someone I'm attracted to I don't actually want to jump into bed right away. But I KNOW that I'm attracted to them. It's not something I think about, it's a primal urge. The way I understand demisexuals, is that they really DON'T know what they find attractive. If you aren't that, it might be hard to understand what that is like. I think this is DEFINITELY NOT most people, judging by how much of our media is about "hey, look at this attractive person! like, talk about, follow and/or buy our product because of that urge that we just tapped into!" And that I'm pretty sure if this kind of media works for you, you probably aren't in this category.

No, it's a label.

Yep... This is me as well. I didn't know there was an actual name for it but there you go. Interesting.

This is me, and as much as I dislike labels in general, it was such a relief to know there was a 'term' to describe how my mind/body functions and that I wasn't just weird.

I remember sitting in the field at school, all the girls pointing out which of the boys playing football were 'hot'. I have never understand this concept of 'hot'. I get that some people are considered more physically attractive than others, but looking at someone causes no physical response from me at all.

Now if I know someone well, have hugged and formed a close emotional bond then yeah, I'll want more, but the sparks only start when the emotional connection is there.

I think labels like that are dumb - they make a non-issue into a "thing." People are people and everyone is different. Some people are attracted physically first, some people are attracted mentally/emotionally first. Figure out which you are, and then apply that to how you meet people.

 

To me, "demisexual" is like labeling someone who prefers brunettes to blonds and then making that so much more of a significant thing than it actually is.

Demisexual is a very valid label to represent the spectrum between asexual-sexual. Asexuality and Demisexuality are as valid label as homo/hetro/bisexual.

There is a massive difference between a sexual person who experiences emotional connection first followed quickly by sexual attraction and a demisexual who needs to form a very deep bond with someone first before they experience sexual attraction towards that person.

The whole idea behind demisexuality is that they are effectively asexuals until a deep bond has formed. So whilst they might find people super attractive, they don't experience sexual attraction towards them like the majority of of sexual might do so.

They are distinctive enough to be worthy of existing as separate labels.

Oh, Wow! This is me O.O

I didn't know there's word to describe my feelings... I never undertand people who see each other and make love in same day or better way to say 'without loving each other'. Before feeling somethings, I can't have sex with a girl. I was thinking I'm weird. I refused many one night stand because of this. Even one girl asked me if I'm a gay lol.

I'm really surprised now and don't know what to say But at least know how to describe myself lol

Thank you OP.

I only have sex with someone I'm bonded to. Partly because thats what causes attraction for me, partly because of the risks and ramifications of sex outside of meaningful bonded relationships