Still don't know....

So, I posted a few weeks ago about the boyfriend who disconnected his phone. Phone is still disconnected. As of the last time we had communication, which was Saturday, he was still coming here next week. The thing is, I'm terrified he's not really coming because of the gigantic downturn in our communication in the last few weeks. I'm suppose to be taking time off work for him to be here, but I haven't got to talk to him the last few days to discuss what we're doing. I spoke to him last Thursday because one of the original plans got cancelled and we had to reschedule and I asked which day would be his ideal reschedule date, and he said, "Wed where we can spend Friday-Sunday together without family obligations." Well, okay...yesterday I had to go to the hospital for something and sent him a facebook message....he's not even read it. He was on FB for a few seconds last night, but didn't read my message. What do I do? Ignore him? I thought about deleting my facebook, but these games aren't me and I'm not sure what to do....

I would assume all plans are off. It sounds like he flaked. Definitely don't take time off from work for this guy. Even if he does show up, would you want to meet someone so unstable?

I've already met him, which is when we made all the Thanksgiving plans originally. We have lots of plans, to include me flying to his home in December and us driving back to spend a few weeks together to arrange relocation(these plans were just made last week!). He's normally so straight forward and honest, brutally so, that this is just blowing my mind. Should I just not message him/email him anymore and see what he does? I'm feeling really out of my element as I'm a very open communicator.

Stop contacting him. Don't buy tickets for xmas. And for the love of Mike, don't relocate.

Then, last weekend his phone bill was due, and he just didn't pay it. He said he needed some space to think.

This isn't a red flag....its the explosion of a red flag factory. He's 47. He has another phone. You just don't have the number.

Stop contacting him. Don't buy tickets for xmas. And for the love of Mike, don't relocate.

I wasn't relocating. He was relocating. Hence, why he was coming here to work on that. I'm not going to contact him again. If he wants to talk to me, he can contact me.

Stop contacting him. Don't buy tickets for xmas. And for the love of Mike, don't relocate.

 

Then, last weekend his phone bill was due, and he just didn't pay it. He said he needed some space to think.

 

This isn't a red flag....its the explosion of a red flag factory. He's 47. He has another phone. You just don't have the number.

Totally agree. For the love of Judy do not re-locate!!!!!

Newsflash: He isn't relocating. He isn't even coming to visit.

The risks seems more that he shows up at your place and stays there. The timing of his phone disconnecting (when he owns his own business), time to think and suddendly changing plans to go see you does not bode well. I think it might be a good thing if he dooes not show up at all without you clearing up the situation.

Well, I'm not doing anything. I believe I'll just NOT contact him and see what happens. The plans were for him to move into my house when he came here. The weeks after Christmas were to see about work, since relocating his business wasn't an option. I have the office number as well as the house number, but I haven't called, because I feel like if he wanted phone contact, he'd have his cell reconnected.

I understand not calling his office...but you have his home number all this time?? If I need to meet my bf and set up plan short notice, you bet I am going to call his home number and ask him what's up. If you are his girlfriend and you are so close that you plan on moving together I do not see what the issue is.

Also there is so much effort going to having a business that I find it perplexing that he has no qualms about giving it up, at his age and without much planning.

Well, I'm not doing anything. I believe I'll just NOT contact him and see what happens. The plans were for him to move into my house when he came here. The weeks after Christmas were to see about work, since relocating his business wasn't an option. I have the office number as well as the house number, but I haven't called, because I feel like if he wanted phone contact, he'd have his cell reconnected.

You are letting a virtual stranger move into your home? Are you insane?

We met in person about a month ago

Does it make sense to you that a 47 yr old business owner would not pay his phone bill? Or have another phone?

Something tells me that the phone he was using to call you was a burner phone. I bet he's married or something. Have you ever done a background search? And why would you agree to move him in when you've known him a month?

Mhowe nailed it. Plus why not call his home phone? Did he forbid you to do so? If so, yeah red flag factory explosion indeed.

Plus as someone who runs her own business and is older than this guy it is pure hogwash he gave his cell phone up to get some space. Talk about killing your business in the quickest way possible. Watch clients run the other way when you say, "Oh, I don't have any way to be reached, but Facebook/email because I need space so that's why you can't reach me by phone."

Come on, seriously? You need to accept it is over and he has bailed. No one with Thanksgiving plans ignores messages, no one. All I can recommend is you block and delete him and learn the lessons this particular event has taught you. I know you want to believe it is anything else but that, but you need to open your eyes here. Self-deception is harming you twice as much as he is.

I understand not calling his office...but you have his home number all this time?? If I need to meet my bf and set up plan short notice, you bet I am going to call his home number and ask him what's up. If you are his girlfriend and you are so close that you plan on moving together I do not see what the issue is.

 

Also there is so much effort going to having a business that I find it perplexing that he has no qualms about giving it up, at his age and without much planning.

The house number is a phone that never gets answered, because it's just part of the package. He says since i have a small child who is close with my parents and siblings, and his children are all of age, and his family is non-existent, he wouldn't ask me to relocate him. He says everything else can be replaced. He is this truly genuine man who is brutally honest. He's a bit socially awkward, and so the only thing I can remotely figure is he is shutting down because it's all so stressful and meeting my family and everything is going to be emotionally draining. He's given no indication that he's had a change of heart, and when the phone had just gotten turned off I bluntly said, "Have you found someone else or are you married? What is going on?" He said, "Not looking for anyone else, not married, I have you."

Why do you think it makes sense for him to be unavailable when he is to go down to see you in a few days? Dis you figure out at wht time he will show up and the logistics of it? Have you sent him an email/Facebook message telling him to call you to discuss logistics? Do that and see what happens.

The house number is a phone that never gets answered, because it's just part of the package

The house number is a machine. Period.

You are in complete denial about this guy. You "met" online a few months ago. You met in person a month ago. For a few days. \

HE IS A STRANGER.

Okay. I'll compose an email and FB message and request to discuss the logistics and see what happens. I was just going to not have contact for a few days and put the ball in his court. I have searched his background, done checks on him and come up with everything he has told me is true. I speak to his adult children on a regular basis, one of them I've talked to more often than I've talked to him lately. They are under the impression he's coming here for Thanksgiving as well.

This is not in any way, shape or form a real relationship.

How old are his "adult" children. YOU are 29!!!

How old are his "adult" children. YOU are 29!!!

He has 22, 19, and 16 y/o children. I know my age. I talk to the 22 y/o almost daily.

OP you are in so much denial, it's awful. You dont know this guy! You met him once and now he's gonna move to your house and not be around for his own business? Do you not see how screwed up this is? I think he's conning you and I bet he's got either a wife or girlfriend you dont know about. What a dangerous situation you are setting yourself up for. I hope you come to your senses and stop talking to him, and block him every which way you can. I also really hope he does not show up at your door. The whole lack of cell phone is just BS.

Okay. I'll compose an email and FB message and request to discuss the logistics and see what happens. I was just going to not have contact for a few days and put the ball in his court. I have searched his background, done checks on him and come up with everything he has told me is true. I speak to his adult children on a regular basis, one of them I've talked to more often than I've talked to him lately. They are under the impression he's coming here for Thanksgiving as well.

It is a suggestion, you can decide if you want to strat no contact right away or not...make it short and sweet. No blaming no nothing. Just hey you are coming in so many days..since it is difficult to reach you, please call me so we can discuss logistics.

This is not in any way, shape or form a real relationship.

To you, it's not a real relationship. This man really opened my heart up and knows more about me than anyone ever. I've never met anyone online, or been in an LDR, but this was the most real relationship I'd ever been in.

Just because you've told him a lot about yourself doesn't make it "real".

To you, it's not a real relationship. This man really opened my heart up and knows more about me than anyone ever. I've never met anyone online, or been in an LDR, but this was the most real relationship I'd ever been in.

That just means you were vulnerable to a con artist.

Nothing about this guy makes any sense.