Reoccurring disagreements

What are the reoccurring disagreements that you find in your marriage or relationship? There are basically only two things that my husband and I have reoccurring disagreements about. They are not disagreements that we have daily or weekly or even monthly but they just seem to reoccur every now and again .What would you say are your top five disagreements about?

For us

1. Money

2. Housekeeping issues

Time management

Diections

1. Artistic methods

2. His need to socialize and mine to decompress from all human contact.

2. His need to socialize and mine to decompress from all human contact.

We have this one too, lol.

Also, he tends to "sweat the small stuff" allll the time. Telling him to chill out falls on deaf ears. He never, ever, used to be this way, but the older he gets, the worse it gets. Drives me nuts, lol.

gets annoyed when i ask him to repeat himself cuz i had trouble hearing.

gets annoyed at answering my questions, prefers to ignore me instead

pointing out that i have a small gut and frowning at my cravings (i'm not even fat or chubby)

silent treatment and avoiding each other cuz he doesn't wanna have sex because he's too tired, he's too anxious, and/or he's just too angry from the other arguments

There's little we don't talk about comfortably,

but he doesn't have problems managing his time and stress sometimes, which can lead to him being cranky and dismissive of my feelings at times.

Time management

Diections

It isn't so much about disagreements, as we approach them from opposite directions.

I am always on time or early ---- he is not.

He doesn't get upset if we get lost or a trip takes longer ---- it stresses me out to the max (see issue #1).

What are the reoccurring disagreements that you find in your marriage or relationship? There are basically only two things that my husband and I have reoccurring disagreements about. They are not disagreements that we have daily or weekly or even monthly but they just seem to reoccur every now and again .What would you say are your top five disagreements about?

 

For us

 

1. Money

 

2. Housekeeping issues[/quote

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We don't have disagreements as such. He is the world's easiest most agreeable person. He is happy when I'm happy. I'm a clean-freak; he's not - I do most of the housework and often clean up after him, he helps out as long as I give him a detailed list of tasks to do. I work full time - I am the main breadwinner and in charge of money issues and we're both completely happy with it. I do everything super quickly, he moves in slow-motion lol - I'm used to it now, bless his little cotton socks. I cannot stand bright lights; he's happy to accommodate this although would have big light on everywhere if not for me.. None of these are really issues as such. We've had stuff we disagreed and argued about in the past but have always got through everything together.. we talked and compromised and forgave. He even watches my favourite soap with me now. What we both want most from our life together is peace and love and harmony and red wine and heavy metal. Neither of us are perfect by any means, but we are perfect for each other.

gets annoyed when i ask him to repeat himself cuz i had trouble hearing.

gets annoyed at answering my questions, prefers to ignore me instead

pointing out that i have a small gut and frowning at my cravings (i'm not even fat or chubby)

silent treatment and avoiding each other cuz he doesn't wanna have sex because he's too tired, he's too anxious, and/or he's just too angry from the other arguments

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Sorry to say this nuttybuddy but having read your other thread, and now this.. yours doesn't seem to be a happy r-ship at all. How do you cope? Are you planning on putting up and shutting up for the rest of your life..?

I think disagreement was probably a stronger word than what I meant. It is more likely that we have different ways of doing things. And seeing that it's been ongoing for 22 years I don't see either of us changing. He's always going to have the same car maintenance paranoia and I am always going to be nitpicky about housekeeping. It is just basically one of life's annoyances.

gets annoyed when i ask him to repeat himself cuz i had trouble hearing.

gets annoyed at answering my questions, prefers to ignore me instead

pointing out that i have a small gut and frowning at my cravings (i'm not even fat or chubby)

silent treatment and avoiding each other cuz he doesn't wanna have sex because he's too tired, he's too anxious, and/or he's just too angry from the other arguments

________________________

 

Sorry to say this nuttybuddy but having read your other thread, and now this.. yours doesn't seem to be a happy r-ship at all. How do you cope? Are you planning on putting up and shutting up for the rest of your life..?

hi ronniesgirl,

thanks for reading my thread. i went to see a therapist and her reactions were like, "wow", "really?" when i told her about his anxiety. she then suggested that i see a marriage counselor. so yesterday, i asked him to go and he grudgingly complied to my request. even though i feel like i'm dragging him in kicking and screaming, this is pretty much one of my last attempts for this marriage before i throw in the towel.

I'm sorry. In a good r-ships serious arguments and few and far between because a good r-ship - where the two people are right for each other - doesn't have huge underlying issues causing them. When two people are right for each other there's no need to argue as they'll mostly agree on everything that's important and quickly forget all about little every-day nuisance things. Your husband sounds as though he simply doesn't care if you're around or not. He sounds like an extremely difficult, inflexible, ungrateful, entitled and borderline abusive person who doesn't even really like you, let alone love you. I don't think anyone should stay in a r-ship that is fundamentally not right. Neither do I think that therapy can change someone's personality. Don't waste years on a man who only brings (and will continue bringing) misery into your life.

1) housekeeping issues

2) his inability to not lose something on a daily basis

3) his thinking my snake is useless and I should get rid of it and my unwillingness to agree with that sentiment

4) the grocery bill, as he doesn't understand that quality food costs more then cheap food

5) we argue over hypothetical situations sometimes, ie: we'll scan through realty websites looking at houses and interior walkthrough pictures, and argue over what colour we'd want in what room if we bought that place, or over what sort of modifications we'd make. Once we figure out a compromise, then we'd look at a different house layout and do it all again. It's totally pointless, but I also think its sort of 'harmless' arguing as well.

What would you say are your top five disagreements

 

For us

 

1. Money

 

2. Housekeeping issues

Same here. To add to the list:

3. Time management. From full time work/graduate school, to balancing hobbies.

4. How we both drive our cars. I dread being a passenger in his car, or having him riding along with me and complain about my driving. I may own a sports car, but I don't drive like I'm in the Indy 500 unless I'm out on the track. I perfer to live on the freeway/back roads.

5. Choice of music. At least we can both agree on despising country music.

I really have only top 3. 4 and 5 are just really stupid.

OMG, yeah don't even talk about the music differences... Lol... If I have to hear one more chick band I'm going to drive my head through a wall... Lol