My Life- Thoughts and Happenings

Just saw the movie, The Lovely Bones. It was creepy and beautiful and creepy again. Good movie. It was on network tv, and I missed some. I should watch the whole thing sometime.

I never saw the movie, but I read the book. I really enjoyed it.

Yes, I think I'll hunt up the book instead.

I think I heard somewhere that it's a bit different from the movie. Just FYI.

Thanks Jib.

My sons are both coming home for Thanksgiving. But technically it is my ex's turn to have them for that holiday, so at least my younger son will stay with him - and he invited his college roommate, since he is from out of state.

My ex called last night and he and his gf invited me gor dinner too. I would also like to see my sons while they are in town, so it was nice of them to include me. A little awkward? Yes. But I'm excited to catch up with my boys while they are in town.

So, I woke up in the middle of the night with a nightmare about getting a divorce from my ex. I was so relieved when I woke up, remembering that was almost 10 years ago!

I had a day off from work today. It was so nice to have that time to do whatever I wanted! I slept in, then started reading the book "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks". Fascinating and maddening all at once. Makes me wonder if they have my cancer cells stashed away somewhere.

My sweet little cat died today while I was at work. She was hanging out on a quilt in the living room this morning when I left for work. And oddly, she didn't seem to want me to leave - I had pet her goodbye and she meowed at me and almost seemed scared. So I pet her some more, and ended up a bit late for work.

When I got home, she had died a few feet from where she had been sleeping, and her body was stiff. I feel like she was trying to tell me she wasn't feeling well, and I almost wish I had stayed home to see what was up.

I am sorry I wasn't there to be with her.

She had been a stray so I'm not sure how old she was - probably around 11 or 12. I'm going to miss her.

My other cat seemed a little freaked out. He came in to say hi to me when I got home, but left quickly while I was dealing with the body.

Good bye sweet little thing. You were loved, and will be missed.

Awwww I am sorry. :(

Oh no! I am so sorry :(

Thanks, Sera and Jib. I do miss her already. Sometimes I think I hear her breathing or meowing, and then I remember she is gone.

So, I placed her body into a cardboard box. I intended to bury it in the backyard to honor her. But each time I tried to dig a hole, I hit hard clay about 8 inches down. Not deep enough.

So, in the end I put her in the trash, and I will find another way to honor her memory.

In the meantime, I heard some rustling around with my other cat. He had killed a squirrel and brought it into the house through the cat door. I grabbed it from him and threw that out too. Hopefully the garbage guys won't look too closely at my garbage contents this week...

When I was going through my mail, I had piled the junk mail to be recycled on the floor. I am so glad that is where the cat put the (bloody) squirrel, because it was much easier to clean up than my carpet!

My younger son just dropped in to say hi - he is on his way to his dad's gor Thanksgiving. So at least I got to see him for 15 minutes!

My friend J is arriving tomorrow morning and will stay for a few days. Older son is flying in from California but will likely stay (mostly) with his dad, since the boys will be with me for Christmas. But at least I will get to see them for a bit!

Tonight I do a bit of cooking.

Work is stressful. I sent an email about how some data was gathered improperly. My bosses both previewed my email and changed a bit of the wording, but they liked how I wrote almost all of it.

This has been an ongoing issue for 2 months. We had a very unsuccessful meeting 6 weeks ago, and then one of my bosses took over the issue. Few changes were made, but I think at least part of the message was heard.

Unfortunately, one of the workers was absent for a few days. So they had a "substitute" collect the data for a few days. The temp workers messed things up - but I honestly think the contract employee told them how to do things incorrectly.

Her response back to me - the temp employee must have been confused.

I told her - no more temp employees collecting that data because we have no way of knowing whether they have been fully trained.

So frustrating. This data affects kids' lives.

My email was clear and to the point. No bearing around the bush. I copied my bosses on it, too. I'm sure it ruined her day, but it had to be said.

Ack...

But I am glad it is a long weekend.

Life has been busy for me. I've been working long hours and some of it has been stressful. Some has been joyful too.

I'm pretty much adjusted to my "empty nest" these days. Although my younger son is off for break, and I expect that he will stay with me part of the time. He ended up at his dad's this week.

One more week of work for me, then I am on break. We are so ready! Tomorrow we have a holiday party, so that should be fun.

Yay, I'm on break!

Boo, I have a cold now...

Looking forward to seeing my younger son tonight, finally!

Happy New Year, people!

Just got back from Michigan, where I was visiting some of my siblings and my parents.

My dad is definitely more frail and is on oxygen. He is now entered into hospice care. He is 100 years old, so not unexpected. But - he is mostly intact, cognitively, and we had some nice conversations.

My mom seemed almost the same, from when I saw her last in August. With her dementia, she has few words left. I always told her who I was when I arrived in her room, because she probably wouldn't have known who I was, otherwise. However, her spunky personality would show itself every once in a whole, which made me smile.

If you'd asked me a year ago, I would have bet that my mom would die first. But now, given the changes in my dad, I suspect he will. When one of them goes, the other will likely follow. They have lived long, full lives.

So it was a little difficult to leave to come home. Because it very likely was the last visit with one or both of them.

Both of my sons made it out there. The older one flew in for a few days from California. The other one is on winter break from university.

I had to laugh, though. Apparently there is a satellite office in the area where we were staying, so my son volunteered to be on call last week. So he went in to work there each day, lol. Who knew? He was excited to get the holiday pay.

Happy New Year LUM,

Sad to hear about your dad. :( It is good when they had a long happy life though. ❤️

I'm feeling sad, or blue. My younger son stayed with his dad during most of his winter break. He came over to see me for a few minutes, and then I never heard from him for 2 1/2 weeks. I knew he was going to Michigan with me for one week, so I guess I assumed he would spend this week with me after we returned, to make it fair.

Last night when we arrived back, he said goodbye on his way out the door to his dad's. I was so surprised. He just wanted to stay there. Obviously I didn't demand that he stay with me, because he is 18, and he would have resented me for it. And it hurt, but I tried not to show it too much, because I didn't want him to feel guilty.

He went out the door, but then must have realized that I was hurt, so he came back in to explain that all of his belongings are packed up in boxes at his dad's. He is not going to be in the dorm this term, so he had to pack it all up and move it out. His new place will be ready next weekend. So he just wanted to stay in one place, and I get that.

What really hurt was this- he mentioned how hard it was to move every other week from my house to his dad's for the past 10 years. He just wanted to stay at one place. What I didn't tell my son was this - the breakup of our marriage was not me! I didn't choose that! It is not my fault! Yes, in the end, it is healthier not to be in such an unhealthy relationship. But I was faithful and loyal to the core and was extremely committed to my family.

Although it is not a rational reason for me to attribute to his decision, it just sucks that his dad gets to have my younger son for more than a month, and I get one week. I'm just so sad. It is irrational, I know, but still I was hurt and stunned.

Thing is, I have - for the sake of my sons- never said anything negative about our divorce or what their dad put me through. Because I didn't want to put them in the middle. So right now, I think that my younger son is idolizing his dad. And I just want to set him straight! But I will not do that... not ever.

So I am having a pity party for myself tonight.

I know that he is 18, and he'll be more on his own soon anyway. I just didn't expect it now!

Over Thanksgiving weekend, my older son was just going to stay with me the whole time. I urged him to stay at his dad's for at least one night too, because I said he would be hurt not to see him. I wish their dad had the same sensitivity to urge my younger son to stay with me more.

Younger son must have felt a bit bad, because he invited himself over for dinner tonight. We had a good dinner, and talked more. I said that we both made assumptions, and that each of us needs to communicate about those kinds of plans so that it wouldn't be a shock next time.

Oh thank you Sera! Happy New Year to you too!

My body is still on Eastern time zone, so I did not make plans for tonight. And I will likely be in bed early. My friend J said that I can go along with New York's New Year, and call it good and go to bed early , lol. I woke up early this morning - about 3 am, so I am that tired...

Happy New Year LUM,

Sad to hear about your dad. :( It is good when they had a long happy life though. ❤️

Oh thank you Sera! Happy New Year to you too!

 

My body is still on Eastern time zone, so I did not make plans for tonight. And I will likely be in bed early. My friend J said that I can go along with New York's New Year, and call it good and go to bed early , lol. I woke up early this morning - about 3 am, so I am that tired...

We just passed into the new year about 3 mins ago.

Oh yes, indeed! I was having my pity party and didn't notice, lol...

Oh yes, indeed! I was having my pity party and didn't notice, lol...

I don’t think it says anything about you as a mom, but just he is a young man and they need their fathers a lot then.

Oh my goodness, with my other cat gone, my remaining cat must have gotten lonesome. He slept on my bed last night. Every time I turned over or stirred, he would purr and purr and nudge me to pet him. He would nudge and then lick my face or hands, so I had to hide under the covers to keep him away. And now he is back to it again! Hard to type on here, since he keeps bumping my hand. He is happy I am home.

I know. I really think you are right. But it still stings.

What is funny - at the airport yesterday, a little guy was going down the walkway in front of me with his parents. He was by his dad, and the mom was ahead of them. His dad said something, and the little guy said, "No! I'm going to walk with Mommy!" And ran up ahead, to walk with his mom.

And it brought back memories of those days when my boys were little. One week it was all about me. The next, only dad would do. And yesterday, at the time, I was thinking to myself that those sweet days are long over (not knowing what was ahead in a few hours).

I don’t think it says anything about you as a mom, but just he is a young man and they need their fathers a lot then.

I know. I really think you are right. But it still stings.

 

What is funny - at the airport yesterday, a little guy was going down the walkway in front of me with his parents. He was by his dad, and the mom was ahead of them. His dad said something, and the little guy said, "No! I'm going to walk with Mommy!" And ran up ahead, to walk with his mom.

 

And it brought back memories of those days when my boys were little. One week it was all about me. The next, only dad would do. And yesterday, at the time, I was thinking to myself that those sweet days are long over (not knowing what was ahead in a few hours).

Yeah, when they are little boys they want mom. They get a bit older and they want dad. It stings for sure .