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I decided to start this as a place to park my hodgepodge of thoughts and what's going on in my life.

 

Had a great Easter yesterday- I had to drive a few hours to the airport to pick my son up from his trip to France and Spain. He had a great time and it seems like he grew up over night!

 

It was so great to have both boys home and with me.

 

Since I had them for Easter, I asked them what kind of meal they wanted and I went and bought the groceries for a nice Easter dinner.

 

Then I get a text from my ex, saying his mom and dad are inviting me and the boys to Easter brunch at their house. Well I didn't really want to go because my ex and his gf would be there. But the boys wanted to go and they wanted me to come.

 

So I told them I would drop them off, pop in to say hi to friends and ex's family, then pick them up later.

 

It took a lot of courage. But Despite that, I actually had fun! My ex and his gf sat on the other side of the room, although at one point his gf complemented a necklace I was wearing. It was fun to catch up with people I essentially have not seen in 4 years since the breakup.

 

Oh the things I do for my sons...

 

Well afterwards I made that nice dinner and we had it by candle light- just before I had to take them to their dad's for the week.

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Oh my goodness- My youngest son dropped by to bring gifts and to pick things up. We wore masks, but he did come inside. He needed to gather things from his room. (He has been staying at his dad’s

CT results were good. They showed healing in the bone. And I’m feeling a lot better too. My sister had her third chemo on Friday. No school tomorrow as we have the day off due to MLK Jr holi

I had a cat for about ten years that had adopted our family. He started living under our deck, so we called him Dexter. The vet said he was about 5 when we got him, and he was sure a sweet natured boy. But this past year he got sick, and was unable to eat very much and he began to drool. The vet took some tests and he had an over active thyroid.

 

We put him on thyroid medication for 5 months, but even that did not help much and he got so skinny and his fur began to fall out. Finally 3 weeks ago I took him in to be euthanized. I hated playing God but I hated him suffering. And so we said our goodbyes and now he is gone.

 

While I miss him, I know it was the right decision. He was really suffering.

 

I have another female cat that is about 4 years old. She was dumped off at a neighbors house shortly after Halloween. They were going to take her and dump her somewhere else, but I took her instead.

 

She is also very sweet! The first week Dexter was gone , she wandered around the house and was very clingy with me.

 

Well, the day after Dexter was gone, a new stray showed up by the deck. My cat chased him off and I figured that was the end of it.

 

Then I began to notice that the cat food was going down faster than normal- so I figured that the stray cat found the cat door. Then one night there was some yowling so I opened the back door to let my cat in.

 

The stray cat saw me and came and meowed at the back door. And then it was raining so I felt so bad for it!

 

But of course we already have a cat, and they weren't getting along.

 

Next night- raining and cold. He stood out there meowing again!

I had some special food left over from Dexter, so I gave him some

of that food.

 

He is such a nice cat!

 

So one night I was awakened by a cat fight in my bedroom! Apparently he had found the cat door and wanted to jump on my bed, only to be met with my cat- who didn't appreciate the visitor in his territory! And she chased him out.

 

Well, I knew when I fed him then I take responsibility...I continue to feed him. But he wants to be part of the family! Through time he would meow outside the door and she would be growling at him on the other side. She (Callie) was basically afraid and I think he is afraid of her!

 

A week went by and he did not use the cat door. But I started to let him in for a bit. As long as he stayed far away from Callie, she was fine with it. One morning I found him sleeping in the living room chair.

 

Now they are coming to some kind of peaceful cohabitation -as long as he respects her space. The past few nights she has slept on one end of my bed and he slept on the other end.

 

Walking around the neighborhood I saw a sign up with his picture saying he is missing. I texted the number. No response. I texted again. No response. I called and left a few messages. Nothing!

 

Until yesterday. Finally after almost two weeks of trying to contact the owner, I received the return call. It was a wrong number!!! This lady called from out of state and she has never had a cat, and so that's not her number.

 

I walked down the street to the sign to make sure I had written the right number. And I had...

 

Soooo... I am not sure what else to do.

 

I would live to keep him, but he needs to be neutered, and probably needs shots. I did give him flea medicine- because it was time for Callie's treatment.

 

I guess I could put a note on the sign that it is the wrong number?

 

The longer he is here, the more he bonds with us.

 

Anyway, I suspect I have a new cat. He has a deformed tail but other than that he seems very healthy.

 

I have not named him because I view him as someone else's cat. He was just visiting here during spring break, lol.

 

But my boys came home from their dads house and named him Tails. I told them that was not nice to call attention to his disability. I have to think of a better name.

 

Anyway, that's what has been going on at my house, among other things...

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Well I figured out the right phone number for the owner of the stray cat. She had put the wrong number on the signs! And even though the boys and I really liked this cat, and he even was getting along with our cat, I really knew he was a beloved member of someone else's family.

 

A young woman came and got him today. I gave her the number for a place that does neutering for $30. She's had him for a year and has not even got him his shots. Hopefully she will care for him.

 

On a different note I was called in to sub as a classroom assistant in a middle school classroom today. I was a bit nervous but it was actually fun! The day went fast and the kids were great.

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Hilarious! Just was woken up out of a sound sleep by a cat jumping up on my bed. And it is not my cat! I guess my visitor found his way back to my cat door and he has settled in for a good sleep on my bed.

 

His name is Jables, but his owner said she mostly called him Mister.

 

Silly cat!

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I had to take some papers for taxes over to my ex the other day (we are still business partners).

 

While I was knocking at the front door I heard him talking to someone, and saying "Hey, Lumi is here with some papers for me, so I have to sign off."

 

When I went in, he had an online video game on and he was putting away his headphones and microphone.

 

I didn't ask who he was talking to, but it would not have been his gf because she works during the day. And it had to be someone that knows about me or he would not have said my name.

 

Now we have not been together for almost 5 years, and his current gf is a very sweet person. I am happy he found someone that I don't mind being around our sons- she is very level headed and good with them.

 

I just had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that the woman he left me for, 5 years ago, might have been the one he was gaming with... It's not my business. But if that is the case then he is pulling the same stuff with this gf that he was with me.

 

Makes me glad I am not with him anymore...

 

On another note- my cat friend was gone from here for a day and it has been pouring down rain here. I was hoping he found his way home, so I called his owner and said he had come by my place the day before and that I hoped he had found his way home again.

 

She said he had not, but that she would really look for him on Sunday because she had finally made an appointment to have him neutered on Monday. She's had him for a year and he never had his shots either.

 

He came in last night about midnight all wet and bedraggled from the rain. I think he looked a bit beat up from a cat fight too, because he had tufts if fur coming out. He left again, but came back this morning at 6, and he is sacked out on my bed at the moment.

 

Such a sweet cat- and I am glad the young woman is finally taking responsibility for him. It is clear that he considers this one of his homes as well as her place. I wonder if he has other homes on his circuit, lol...

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Crazy busy week ahead! Just filled up my phone calendar with lots of reminders.

 

Today I had two meetings at church and one scout committee meeting. Phew! I am brain dead...

 

The boys were dropped off at my place for the week after having been at their dad's. Good to have them home. But my almost teenager was a stinker tonight and refused to go to bed when I told him. He was so rude to me so he has now lost some privileges...

Including his phone and iPod and video games.

My older son was trying to warn him to be more respectful, lol, so he wouldn't lose the privileges...

 

Crazy hormones!

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My son was much more agreeable today. Sometimes I think he tests the limits at each parent's house - especially when he first arrives there for the week.

 

As far as my neighbor's cat - he was supposed to be neutered today, but he did not show up at my neighbor's house, nor was he here in time for the appointment. He showed up this afternoon and evening, but it was too late. Lucky boy, I guess...

 

In the meantime he has brought fleas into the house - I had taken my cat to the vet this morning because she was having an allergic skin condition, and the vet thinks it is because of the fleas. So she got some oral flea medication today...

 

If this stray cat keeps coming into my house, then I may have to discuss with its "owner" the possibility of us keeping him. I will need to get him spayed and he needs shots. Also, I would give him the same oral flea meds, to keep those pests at bay...

 

Although it has been showery here, there have been lots of things blooming. I had a sinus headache today all day, since my body is reacting to all of the blooms...

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It was 37 here this morning when I woke up, but the cherry and pear trees are blooming. There is a sprinkling of pear blossoms scattered accross my roof. So spring is halfway here and hopefully warmer weather is around the corner.

 

My sons are off camping this weekend.

 

I hope to use the extra time to catch up on things around gage house this weekend.

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It must be mouse hunting season again. I was woken up by some rustling noises in the house, so I grabbed my phone and went to investigate. Well my cats were trying to catch a mouse that one of them brought in. I was determined to catch it, because they were catching it them letting go, just to have the thrill of catching it again. I wanted to make sure it did not get away in my house! So I caught it under a bowl, slid some cardboard under it, and took it out to the back yard to let it go.

 

I think the cat that brought it in the cat door was the stray cat that has chosen to live here. So now I have two hunter cats. I dealt with this problem all last summer with my one cat... I getting tired of having to disinfect all of my cupboards and drawers

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Someone posted about how their bf had shoved them and then later had slapped them in anger, and they wanted know if it would get worse.

 

It reminded me of my marriage. I was with him for 21 years, and early on he shoved me in an argument. I told him that if he ever put his hands on me again that I would leave him, even if I loved him.

 

He knew I was serious, so that never happened again. But the anger dysfunction remained throughout our marriage and while I was able to set boundaries around physical abuse, I was less able to recognize and set boundaries around the mental abuse and his twisted thinking.

 

I tried, but he really only conceded he was wrong in one argument that whole time. He was fierce and competitive. He said he was sorry only once ever.

 

Whenever I knew I was right, I also refused to back down. But he always seemed to twist things around to blame things in me, and we would then argue about that too.

 

While he never shoved me again, his anger was so fierce that he might throw a chair, or put a hole in the wall. It only happened a few times, but my kids and I worked very hard to make sure we didn't set him off.

 

So, the anger may not have happened very often- maybe once a year or even less frequent. But we all knew the potential was there, along with the mental abuse. We walked on eggshells, avoiding the conflict as much as possible.

 

It is so easy when your marriage fails, to romanticize the relationship and the person that is gone. You grieve for the wonderful things you miss, and indeed there were some wonderful times.

 

But there were dark times too, and I had forgotten.

 

It is a relief to be out from under his dysfunction.

 

He never would admit to himself his issues, even when our counselors told him. He always twisted it around that they were wrong too.

 

But what is interesting is that once he left our marriage, he actually started up individual counseling. Finally. And as far as I know, he has continued it for the past 4 years.

 

Sad that he couldn't do it for our marriage. Sad that his gf gets the benefit.

 

But ultimately it will be good for our sons to have a healthier dad.

 

And it is a good time for me to reflect on why I was able to set boundaries on the physical abuse but not the mental.

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So struggling with both my sons. Trying to get one through his last month of high school. The other will turn 13 in a few weeks, and hormones have hit! Crazy times...

 

They are great kids, but this is an intense time for each- and I can't let up on my parenting for one minute. I wish their dad would keep up his parenting diligence too...

 

On another note, I have had terrible muscle spasms for three days. I could not sleep because I was so uncomfortable. I have been taking ibuprofen and that has barely touched it. But yesterday I remembered a friend had the same issue when visiting me and she went and bought some magnesium citrate supplements.

 

So I got some today and took one at dinner. And then fell asleep until midnight! Wow! I guess my body was out of balance!

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Oh and I forgot to say that I am very grateful to hear that my sister and niece and cousin are all okay after the bombing. My sis and cousin were in a building that had to be evacuated because of the bomb.

 

My sister had to walk home without her purse or phone or keys-all the way to her home in the suburbs. I don't know if she went to work today, but I know that many hearts, far and near, will need to go through a healing process.

 

Another note- someone took a picture of our church with a rainbow overhead. How fitting, because we are an open and affirming congregation! Beautiful pic...

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I had a funny thing happen to me today. I am feeling ever so much better- I had muscle spasms for nearly a week and I was about to go to the doctor.

 

But then thought I would try some magnesium citrate with my calcium just to see if I was out of balance. That did the trick! I slept better yesterday. Finally.

 

Today I apparently fell asleep after dinner and I woke with a start- it was light out, and I must have slept so hard because I was quite disoriented. In fact I looked at the clock and thought I was late to work so I was running around to find something to wear.

 

And then I thought to check my phone to see if it was am or pm just to make sure! Sheesh! It was p.m.

 

I was so sleep deprived this week that it might take me a bit to catch up... Lol...

 

This evening I dug through some boxes to find baby pics of my oldest, who is graduating from high school. We are going to a scholarship dinner and they asked for pics.

 

I am to the point where I can look through old pics of my ex without the grief. My heart is healing.

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Whew! Made it through a week of proctoring the state test for kids...

 

Still thankful my sister, cousin, and niece are safe in Boston. It has been an emotionally draining experience for them - especially because my sister and cousin would have likely been killed if the bomb had been stronger... since they were in close proximity.

 

On a different note, my son has texted me to say that he asked his "best friend" to the prom. They have been best friends since the 2nd grade... He texted me saying that he needs to figure out what to wear by next Saturday - on a budget. Lol, I told him I am no expert, but that his uncle wore a bright purple crushed velvet tux in the 70's as a joke... and his date was not amused...

 

He graduates in a month, and he told me last week he started learning Japanese... I told him I want him to focus on graduating, not starting something new!!! Oh how I look forward to the end of this school year. My hair is gray, but he is going to turn it grayer!!!

 

Trying to clean my house, clear out the excess clutter, and get organized. This will take discipline! But I have to refinance the house to put the mortgage in my name, and that means they will do an appraisal. And, well, it would be a bit embarrassing. Time to do some spring cleaning!

 

In the meantime, I have not seen my visiting stray cat lately - and I do miss him... The weather has been nice, so I suppose he is out taking advantage of it. Last week he brought in a live mouse. (Maybe I already wrote that here). I don't miss that part...

 

Full of gratitude for: the lilac blooms, the cherry blossoms, my sons, a chance to work with kids this week, my family's safety and well being, my healing heart, my church family, and my cats.

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This morning the stray cat let himself in and my cat was chirping at him, so I know they have begun the bonding process. My sons have named him "Rabo", I guess because of his short stubby tail. My older son says that is Spanish for a rabbit tail...

 

Still working on cleaning up the house - a work in progress. I have the kitchen almost done and will start on the living room next.

 

Had a great talk with my almost 13 year old about taking initiative for things and about responsibility. Rather than having him depend on me for reminding him about homework and other priorities, I want it to come from him. He was mad at me this morning because he had done some assignments but had not turned them in. Of course, he got no credit on the computer grades program, so I told him he couldn't go meet with his friends. After he calmed down, he finally agreed that he will improve in the future and now he knows I am serious about it all. I am hoping this is a turning point in his life - I hope to see him taking charge of his own responsibilities soon!

 

Thankful today for a thoughtful talk, for resolution in Boston so my family can begin to heal from the fear and stress and terror, for blooming spring flowers, for 2 nice cats, for my church community, for my 2 sons, and for my extended family.

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A busy past few days, with meetings and special dinners and work and vet appointment for the cat.

Yesterday I felt like supermom as I dashed from work to the store, then home to photocopy a newsletter, then back to school to pick up my son who was jogging with the running club, over to my exes house so son could feed the cat while he is gone, home to my house to take the cat to the vet, pick up other son from school, home to heat up dinner, off to a scout ceremony with the boys.

 

Somehow I pulled it off!

 

Today is a little better, but one son has a special dinner honoring one of his teachers, and I have a meeting after work.

 

I had taken my cat to the vet because her skin got all crusty on her head and in her ears. She is so uncomfortable but they don't know what is causing it. I changed her food to some that does not have gluten in it (Blue Buffslo) and it seems as though that improved it but now it started back.

 

The vet did a culture for fungus and that turned out negative.

 

So now she is on steroids for a bit and that seems to be helping some, but not as dramatically as one would have expected.

 

They wanted to do a biopsy for about $700 but I declined- I don't have the money and I still have a $900 medical bill for myself to pay.... And, I think it is more allergy related than cancer.

 

She is such a happy sweet thing and I hope we figure this out soon...

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Still working on cleaning up my house, and I signed the refinance papers today.

 

Tomorrow I will work out in the yard with my younger son, then in the afternoon we will come in to reorganize the house.

 

What a beautiful pleasant day it was here. Walking around I could smell the sweet fragrance of spring blossoms.

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Whew! Got the backyard mowed and now both yard debris bins are full! Made my younger son help me- he was grounded for a few poor choices yesterday...

 

My older son went to the prom tonight with some friends. I had to drive him over to a friend's house and he originally said I wasn't allowed to take pictures. But other parents were doing the same. They were all so cute and handsome! Nice kids-I am so glad he has such nice friends.

 

Interesting though- his old gf was there with a bf. My son went out with her for a year 3 years ago. Now they are seniors at different schools so they rarely see each other. But neither seemed like it bothered them. And I doubt her current bf knew about their history...

 

He really fussed getting ready with the tuxedo. We had to google info on how to wear the vest and suspenders, lol. So handsome! I am very thankful the prom happened on a week when he was at my house and not his dads or I would have missed it!

 

But I got pics if my ex wants to see...

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  • 2 weeks later...

It was a hot day here today- when I got in my car after church, the thermometer said it was almost 90 and it was even hotter in the car!

 

I came home and had lunch then I intended to go grocery shopping and do some errands but -- after church and then a meeting I got very tired. And then I had another meeting tonight. Strangely I am wide awake now...

 

The boys are home from their dads. Good to have them home for the week!

 

Tomorrow I have many errands to run so I programmed reminders into my phone. I am refining my house and it seems they need a truckload of documents.

 

The title company informed me that the legal transfer of the house to me was done incorrectly- it had a typo on the lot description. So now we have to re-file it through the courts... My ex had had a lawyer do it for him for free and I unfortunately did not proofread it enough. They typed the wrong block number on there. So there goes a few hundred dollars down the drain...

 

But it is good they caught it now.

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Another beautiful sunny day here!

 

Many errands to run- I have to turn in all of the documents for the mortgage refinance, deliver some other forms to my employer's accountant, buy cat food, etc

 

And then home to do major cleaning! They will be doing an appraisal, so I need to be ready for that. Plus I have company coming in from out of town because we get to go see the Dalai Lama speak this weekend!

 

Busy busy with mundane life stuff...

 

Waiting for summer when life settles down into a different pace

 

Now- Back to work!

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Got my papers turned in for the refinance. Hope it goes through...

 

Tomorrow is my youngest's 13th birthday! Sheesh, I will have 2 teens in the house. My grocery bill already reflects it, and the mood swings around here are getting a bit intense again.

 

But - they are both doing okay in school, and they have great solid friends! What more can a mom ask for...

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Last week I got to hear/see the Dalai Lama speak. The whole stadium was almost filled with people of all ages and all different kinds of people. It was interesting to see who would show up!

 

It was a sports arena and my tickets were in the nosebleed section- and the seat arrangements and steps were do steep it made me a bit dizzy. I held the handrail for dear life when on the stairs!

 

The seats I got were very close to the Dalai Lama except way high above him- and we had a very nice view of the back of his head!

 

However they did show him as he was speaking on a screen.

 

He is a very humble man with a sense of humor.

 

He spoke about world peace and unity of mankind. He said that if we want peace in the world we must start with peace within ourselves.

 

He had all children stand up to be seen, and then spoke to them- saying how important it will be for them to change the world to undo many of the problems the older generation has brought to the world. Such as violence and war and bombs.

 

He also talked about the importance of mothers. And how important it is for parents to love their children and spend time with them and be very affectionate with them.

 

I will post more but my notes are on my phone and of course I'm using my phone right now so I can't access them.

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Not much going on around here except end of the school year stuff.

 

My son graduates in a few weeks but he has much schoolwork to get done beforehand.

 

The tenants rent check bounced this week so I am a little worried about money but hopefully he will take care of it soon.

 

I am applying for a job next week but it doesn't start until the fall - but I hope to get it. It would be nice to have more financial freedom.

 

In the meantime I am thankful for my health and a roof over my head and 2 sons that continually challenge me to grow, and 2 very sweet cats...

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