My Life- Thoughts and Happenings

[luminousone]

That's what I wondered, but they gave me a syllabus and much of it is: anatomy and physiology, puberty, gender and diversity, sexual orientation, gender identity, relationships and relationship skills, friendships, dating and longterm commitments, "lovemaking is more than sex", conception, pregnancy, and birth, teenage pregnancy, abstinence, contraception, unintended pregnancy, std's, sexual abuse, sexual exploitation and how to set boundaries, sex and the media, harassment and acquaintance rape, respectful and healthy relationships, etc.

 

The whole deal.

 

My older son did the high school class and is very picky what he would participate in, especially because he views himself as an atheist. But they welcomed him and he really liked the class. He encouraged his brother to take the 8th grade one.

 

It's a huge time commitment and my son already has scouts and church stuff at our own church, not to mention school, but I think it is worth it.

 

Not sure whether his dad will support this because of the time commitment but I am determined to get him in it. My ex really does not supervise him much so my son is out and about with who knows who, and I want to instill some good sense and judgment in my son before he makes a drastic mistake.

[luminousone]

On a different note, my older son's interview went well he thinks! Don't know if he will actually get the job because there are older more experienced students they could choose from.

 

But he knew most of the technical questions, and any questions he didn't know then he told them that and then guessed what he thought it would be and he was right each time.

 

And it ends up that they know his former supervisor from the high school IT department!

 

I hope he gets it, because he needs the extra money to get by through school and he also needs a confidence boost right now.

 

Tonight I volunteered to teach some Boy Scouts about communication for their merit badge class. I have never done this, so I'll see how it goes. I think this will be a 4 week class. Yikes!

 

This weekend is the last weekend for my older son before he goes to college. His dad is waiting for him to go and after he leaves for school then he and my younger son will be moving in with my ex's girlfriend next week. The house is very very small he said. So he basically told my older son that there is no room for him at the new house except for an occasional visit on a pull out cot.

 

So now all of my older son's possessions will need to either go to college with him or be stored at my house. My heart hurts for my older son. He says he doesn't care, but it just makes me sad that they don't want him there.

 

Originally my ex and his gf looked for a bigger house for all of them for about 9 months but they never could agree on a house. In the end she didn't want to sell or rent her house, and so that's why my ex and son are moving in there.

 

He is going to rent out his house, which I think is a good idea because honestly I wonder if their relationship is going to last, considering the differences in opinion and reluctance to buy a house together. That way he (and my younger son) have a place to go if needed.

 

In the meantime I guess I had better make room for some stuff coming my way.

[Silverbirch]

Hi Lum,

Is your younger son moving in with his father full-time? Good luck for your older son with his job application. LOL, I think you are very brave to be teaching scouts!!!

[luminousone]

Hi Lum,

Is your younger son moving in with his father full-time? Good luck for your older son with his job application. LOL, I think you are very brave to be teaching scouts!!!

 

Hi Silver

 

He lives with me half time and his dad half time. It worked really well up until now because my ex made a sincere effort to set limits with them.

 

Right now my ex is distracted, so he has not been setting limits- but- he has had to do a lot of stuff with the kids this week due to their schedule and to his credit he has not complained to me about it (a first!).

 

If my younger son does not like living over there then my door is open for him to be here full time. The boys chose living part time with their dad, and at the time I was getting cancer treatment and I wasn't sure how it would turn out. So once I was doing better I talked with them about it and they wanted to continue the way it is...

[luminousone]

The class went well - good kids and they were cute. We got a lot more done than I had expected.

 

My older son said he will hear about the job on Monday. Today he is helping his dad clean up some stuff on some property his dad owns- I guess some homeless had set up camp there and they are cleaning up the mess.

 

I warned my ex to keep on top of it all summer and he didn't listen to me.

 

It has been cold and rainy here! Such a difference from the hot weather I was complaining about!

Glad to see the change in seasons.

 

My younger son is going on a campout tonight and they called the boys to pack cold weather gear because there were snow flurries at the elevation they are going to be at this weekend. Hard to fathom!

 

Today I have to organize some forms for the campout.

[luminousone]

Oh my- here I was complaining about the heat last week but today it was pouring down rain and quite chilly. In fact, I had my wool socks on today!

 

Got my son off on his campout - in the rain - and they are going up into the mountains so I guess there is a very real chance of a bit of snow. Or at least cold weather. One of the dads said it could get down in the twenties tonight!

 

My son took his lightweight down bag (only rated for 40's) but also a fleece bag liner. I sure he will be fine.

 

They had a new boy go too- he literally just joined four days ago.

 

When my son was packing he realized he had grown out of his long underwear and wool socks. Fortunately he has an older brother with all of that stuff!

 

I wasn't sure what the new boy needed and was afraid he didn't pack cold weather stuff, so I gave him a fleece sweatshirt and the long underwear and wool socks and his mom was very appreciative. I also loaned to him a fleece bag liner but I need that back.

 

I am sure they will have fun!

[luminousone]

I woke up this morning at 4 because it was POURING down rain and it was so loud that it woke me up.

 

My cat was out all night and I heard her desperate meow at the back door. She was so drenched! I wiped her down with a towel and she is all curled up and cozy in her fuzzy bed.

 

Today I have much cleaning and decluttering to do at home. I will also go to the farmer's market to stock up on veggies, but I won't need as much food since my older son will be going to university on Tuesday! Wow!

 

I did all of the laundry to make sure his stuff is ready to go- at least from my house.

 

Monday will be a busy day!

 

My younger son is the patrol leader at his scouts and on the way to the campout he was filling out the "duty roster" so they would all be assigned to cooking and cleaning this weekend. He was being very thoughtful as he filled it out- he was trying to put the boys on tasks he thought they were good at.

 

He put himself on cooking the eggs for both days, but I reminded him that he should make sure he signs himself up for equal cleaning duties so that no one would feel picked on. He did listen to me and in the end he decided to get input from them on what they would want to do.

 

I am proud of him. This is the same boy that had behavior issues this summer and challenged my parenting skills at every turn! Adolescence is a strange creature.

 

Okay now, first breakfast and then focus on my house today. I want to get the house organized!

[luminousone]

Well my cleaning project is slow going, but I have 2 huge garbage bags of clothes to donate and I filled up half the recycle bin with old files and papers I no longer need. Spent much of the day shredding papers...

 

And folding laundry.

 

And sorting out old clothes.

 

Tomorrow I will keep at it after I get back from church.

[Silverbirch]

Sounds like you have been very busy Lum. Good to hear you are all doing okay.

[luminousone]

One son home with very soggy camping equipment- but he had fun.

 

Other son home with boxes of stuff from his dad's house. Some of it for college and I think he had to clear his room out anyway since his dad is moving.

 

Stuff everywhere... Sigh... But it is good the boys are back.

[Silverbirch]

Yeah, it always feels so quiet when they go away.

[luminousone]

Well, tomorrow I take my son to move into the dorm!

 

It is only accross town, but he is excited. And I am excited for him!

 

Sadly we may not be able to pay for the dorm experience the whole year - it's all just so expensive...

 

But at least he can start out that way.

 

I went to volunteer at my younger son's school and they have me organizing some books for the reading groups. I made a sign out chart tonight on my computer and tomorrow I have to count and number them all.

 

I won't have much time to work on it tomorrow, except maybe after my son moves into the dorm.

 

It is still raining here- and now we need to acclimate to the cooler weather.

 

Busy week for me, as I have meetings every night this week.

 

My younger son is doing well in school and actually seems to be enjoying the work! I imagine that will wear off soon...

[Silverbirch]

Hi Lum,

Your older son will likely enjoy the dorm for the first year, but then the novelty will wear off and he will probably be glad to move back with you. When I was young, I moved into the student nurses home and I just loved it for most of the time. After a while though, the main reason I was there was for practical reasons - it was so close to work and transport would have been a problem from my parents home.

 

It's great to hear your younger one is enjoying school and the work. My son, especially being an only child - loved school. I never felt that way about it myself, but I think it is such a positive thing when they do enjoy school. I never had to worry about him playing hookey - which was something I did myself.

[luminousone]

Got my son moved into the dorm- wow! It was an exciting day!

 

The dorm is one of the newest on campus and has a lounge with couches and a microwave, a library, study rooms, study carrells, and the rooms are decent sizes! It is so posh...

 

I was so worried about how we were going to pay for it but we got some amazing news today- My Son Got The JOB!!!!!

 

He will be working on campus and will be maintaining computers for them. It is an absolute Godsend!

 

So - the boys are with me this week, so my son packed up all of his stuff from his dads over the weekend and brought it over here. And that was handy because it meant we didn't have to buy a lot of stuff.

 

But I had to help him pack some things from here too, and I went to pack some sheets. When we got to his room, he was trying to make his bed and we discovered I only packed fitted bottom sheets, lol. So I have to make a trip over there in the next few days.

 

Tomorrow I am subbing at my son's school so I had better get to sleep...

[Silverbirch]

A very exciting time for you both! Congrats on your son's job!

[luminousone]

I've had a meeting marathon all week this week- my son's scout meeting on Monday, a district meeting on Tuesday, middle school class meeting on Wednesday, plus a two hour parent orientation at a local church for a class I enrolled my son in right after the school meeting, then I taught a class last night.

 

Tonight, blissfully, is open...

 

The class last night went well. None of the boys came prepared with their presentations. Including my own son. They were supposed to do a sales presentation.

 

I'm the end, my son decided to do it on the fly, and that broke the ice. Then two more boys got the courage to do one too. The rest will do theirs next week.

 

I was supposed to talk about how to do a five minute speech. So I decided to model to the boys on what that meant. I did a five minute speech on - How to do a Five Minute Speech! Lol.

 

Then we did an exercise on how to come up with a topic- I had the boys do some brainstorming. I stressed that they should free up their minds and just write for one minute any idea that comes into their heads. No filtering, just listing.

 

When they read their list, the boys had such random ideas on their brainstorm list, such as: doors, Pandas, windows, pencils, shoes, etc. How funny! They all giggled at their lists, but it made a good point that you never know what might lead you to the perfect topic.

 

Then I talked about making an outline and structure for their speech. Next week they need to bring in their topic and rough outline.

 

This is my first time teaching this kind of class, so I was nervous last week. Now I am getting into the groove. Last week it didn't help that another parent showed up at my house just as I was leaving to get some forms to fill out. He decided to follow me over to the class so he could come in to fill them out and give them to me right then.

 

I was a bit self conscious because he is a seasoned teacher and I have been interested in getting to know him for a few years. For some reason he took forever to fill the forms out and so that meant that he was in the room the while I was teaching the class or at least half of it. Hopefully he was so engrossed in the paperwork that he wasn't listening-in.

 

I first met this guy (i will call him R) right after my husband left me. Our sons were in a group that was going on a hike. There were several new families joining our group and I was in charge of welcoming them and getting to know them. So we walked and talked.

 

For some reason the subject came up on divorce- I think this guy's older son had been in this group originally but they had to drop out because the dad and mom were going through a devastating divorce. 4 years later he came back with his younger son. So of course I shared what I was going through right then, and he gave me advice and encouraged me.

 

At the time I was still married but separated, still completely heartbroken from my husband's deception and sudden exit from the marriage, and not even interested in any new men or relationships. Not even on my radar one bit.

 

But I ended up getting to know this guy a bit through the next 4 months- every time our sons had an activity together.

 

At a campout I happened to sit near them during a meal and he shared with me that he is a member of a church that has similar beliefs as mine. And I began to think he might be interesting to get to know more.

 

A few months later, we had an event for the kids (they made cars and raced them). My ex was there helping out because he wrote a computer program to take care of results. I was there because I was in charge of the awards. R was there because he was supposed to learn about the computer program or something like that because my son would be graduating out of the group that year. I did not converse with my ex and our tasks were on opposite sides of the room.

 

When I was unloading things from the truck before the event, R came over to say hi and he was full of smiles and even touched my arm a few times. All of a sudden I suspected he was interested in me. And I began to have more interest in him.

 

We went through the race and then those of us who were graduating were honored for our efforts through the years. Of course my ex and I have the same last name. Apparently R had not made the connection between us, and so later when I was putting away some cords in a back closet R made a point of seeking me out to ask/exclaim - "That's A?!!!" with an incredulous tone of voice. I was so shocked and flustered that all I could sputter out was - " Um... Yeah..." , mostly because I was trying hard not to call him a nasty name when children might hear me.

 

And I was shocked by R's reaction because it made me think that he was interested in me after all!

 

But- after that night I got nothing from R- no more vibes or interest. It was like - meeting my ex killed his interest. Which was probably the right thing, because technically I was still married and even though my ex had already moved on with several girlfriends at that point, and was by then in a committed relationship with the woman he is still with today- I had not yet gone on a date because I was still married and wasn't ready to date.

 

Fast forward 3 years. I gave up on that interest in R, but I did ask his son where his dad was one night. He told me that his dad was grading papers at his girlfriend's house. Okay, so now I knew he had a gf. Maybe not when I met him, but he was now off limits.

 

And I no longer got any vibes from him. Nada, none. But- one year later, last June, there was an end if year potluck and he ended up sitting near me. So we caught up on how we were and were just getting into conversation when who should show up like a bad penny but my ex- who had a question about our son's and some issue.

 

I was so mad that he showed up then- just being around messed up my chances the first time around and I wanted to hear if R still had a gf. I was so annoyed. But the moment was gone. I am wondering if my annoyance was written on my face.

 

My ex does not usually come to our son's things except special events. And I am usually glad that he comes for my son's sake. But sheesh! Bad timing...

 

So, now it is Fall. And I am beginning to get those vibes from R again. He made a point of coming over to talk with me after our sons' scout meeting and we were just beginning to have a conversation when his son came up and asked to go home soon, so if course that broke the moment.

 

I wish I knew if this was interest or if he is simply being friendly. I think I could really like this guy because he seems to be smart, kind, sensitive, a person of faith, and a loving father. And I think he is handsome.

 

But- if he still has that gf from a year ago then he is off limits and I would not want someone if they didn't respect those boundaries anyway.

[luminousone]

Some odds and ends:

 

Wow, it's really pouring down rain here and it is windy!

 

I knew the rain was going to come this afternoon so this morning I mowed the front lawn. I ran out of time so the back yard didn't get done.

 

Yesterday when I was checking the front grass to see if it was dry enough to mow, I noticed my next door neighbors loading up furniture in a rental truck. I went over to see where they are moving, and it turns out that they quit their jobs and they are going backpacking in Scotland for as long as their money holds out.

 

Never would have guessed that one...

 

He is an attorney so I guess he has money saved up.

 

My son sounds like he is having fun living in the dorms. The news said that a bunch of students were arrested for excessive partying and alcohol last Thursday night. But I am pretty sure my son would not do that, plus his roommate is a music major and focused on school, and my son's girlfriend is a really good student. Maybe I'm naive, but ...

 

My younger son is stuck being the only kid now. This morning I was going to make eggs but he wanted them a particular way so he decided to cook for me! I could go for that every day!

 

I had to go do a fundraiser for my son's scouts but when I got back there was a package waiting for me from the mail. It was three shirts from Land's End that my sister sent to me! And it wasn't even my birthday... She said she got a really good deal on them. She is so sweet!

 

Right now I have to finish getting ready for the Sunday school lesson for the kids class I teach on Sundays.

[luminousone]

Wow, I just got a Facebook message that someone I know from another online forum had a stroke this morning and is in the hospital. I think she is in her late thirties or early forties!

 

Prayers for Sandy and her husband...

[Silverbirch]

Hi Lum

I'm almost asleep, but checked in. Prayer said for Sandy and her husband. Be back tomorrow when I'm more awake. Hope you are well.

[luminousone]

My friend is out of ICU now and they have her on blood thinners.

[luminousone]

Took my younger son to his dad's for the week.

 

My ex said he has called our older son at college.. I have to laugh because I have the urge to call him too but i don't. I never expected that from my ex- he always seems to be lukewarm on having kids.

[luminousone]

Thought I better clarify my last post- my son started texting me in the middle and by the time I got back to it, I couldn't edit it.

 

So anyhow, my ex never used to want children and I would not marry him because I did. Long story short we did marry and had two kids but broke up after 21 years.

 

My ex does love the boys but sometimes has not known how to be a good father- his own father was only 19 when my ex was born and really wasn't a good parent model for my ex.

 

Lately my ex has not been paying much attention to the boys- they have been left to their own devices quite a bit. And I had been worried.

 

My ex had been preoccupied with moving in with his gf. They each own their own home but she refused to move into my ex's home (100 year old 3+ bedroom) and so they are moving into her home. Which is a two bedroom 1400 square feet sized home.

 

So my ex told my older son that once he went to college then there would not be room for him at the new place. My heart hurts for my son...

 

I talked with my ex about it and really I asked him to make an effort to give him some space to keep a few things there and allow him to come stay the night.

 

I also told him that if he couldn't afford to be in the dorm then he would need a place to sleep. Ex said he would have to live with me full time. So I said he would then have to pay child support.

 

As it stands right now, since we share custody if the boys half time, we each pay an equal amount of money into a savings account and we each pay for our own food bills. And it shoukd be about equal since we share equal custody.

 

But I cannot afford to take on any extra expenses and I let my ex know that.

 

In the end my son got an unexpected scholarship and that pays for half the year in the dorm but I wasn't sure how we would pay the rest. Fortunately my son got a job on campus and I am very grateful.

 

I think the thing that got me was that I was afraid that my son would feel unloved and pushed aside for the girlfriend.

 

As for my younger son, he is going to be in the one other bedroom and since he really really didn't want to move, my ex has bribed him with a big tv and video game system in his room. Ugh.

 

My ex and his gf were looking at larger houses to buy for about 7 months but they could never agree on any of them. So that's why they are moving into hers.

 

My ex will rent out his.

 

So that us why I am surprised and touched that my ex has been calling my son at school to touch base with him. Apparently he misses him. I am so glad, for my son's sake!

 

On a different note, I am not sure whether my ex and his gf will last- seems like they are each putting up roadblocks or else they are not compatible if they can't agree in a house together. Other than my sons, it is not my problem. But I had urged my ex to be careful for our sons' sake, so they won't be dragged along through another breakup.

[Seraphim]

My dad never wanted kids either but had them to keep my mother. He would always tell her lies just to keep her. I know he loves us in his own weird way but he could never be a dad. He was just never prepared for anything in life. It is sad really when people end up that way.

[Silverbirch]

It doesn't sound like your ex and his gf will last to me either Lum. D claims to have a strong dislike of children, but I know that in some ways he spoiled his daughter. He never wanted more though and I think that he didn't cope well with the financial responsibilities of being a husband and parent. He was responsible for his daughter, but I think resentful because he says the whole package of marriage made him feel trapped. He too had a father who wasn't there for him. I'm glad though that it sounds as though your sons are turning out well - full credit to you!

 

I meant to post earlier about the school teacher you have started to get to know. Hope you will get opportunities to get to know him more. Were you a teacher before you had your children?

[luminousone]

My dad never wanted kids either but had them to keep my mother. He would always tell her lies just to keep her. I know he loves us in his own weird way but he could never be a dad. He was just never prepared for anything in life. It is sad really when people end up that way.

 

Vic- my ex did lie to me about several things. He sounds similar to your dad...

 

You do sound like you have a great mom. I am trying to be a great mom to make up for what they don't get from their dad...