Should I confront my gf on her locked phone or just leave?

Yes I am trying to get the best advise from both men and women on this site that have been on both sides of this issue....I have for some time now suspected that my gf has something to hide, hence her phone , kindle , email accts are all locked, she wont even check her texts in my presence....I am at a point that I am looking to be fully vested and committed to her, I don't know what is holding her back but I need the truth before I move any further with her.....I have told her numerous times and I mean it with my heart on my sleeve, that we can work anything out if we are honest with eachother,,,,,I always tell her that I am here for her no matter what and I hold myself to it everyday.......I just want to get insight from anyone willing to share if they have had to confront their mate on this locking of the phone issue and how you resolved it , if it was resolved......

**All of my emails accts are on my mobile, and my phone is always unlocked screen side facing up**** not hers...hers is always screenside facing down & always locked*****

She likes her privacy and frankly you sound insecure. Does she do anything that makes you suspect her of lying? If not you should invest time and energy in conquering this insecurity because it will become toxic to this relationship and your state of mind.

i have absolutely nothing to hide for my boyfriend, but i do also have my e-mail locked and delete some messages on my phone, and not because i hide something from him, but because if i am gushing to my friends about how much i love him or sweet things he did or said, well i would be embarrassed if he read that, so it might be as innocent as that.....don't jump to conclusions, some people are more private than others....

She likes her privacy and frankly you sound insecure. Does she do anything that makes you suspect her of lying? If not you should invest time and energy in conquering this insecurity because it will become toxic to this relationship and your state of mind.

Agree. If my BF was constantly pushing me to show him my texrs, emails, etc I would become far less likely to do so. You have pushed her to a point where she cannot even feel comfortable checking her phone in front of you.

Has she every done anything that would make you question your trust in her? Have you attempted to look at her phone or emails without asking her permission? Has she caught you doing so?

Either you trust her or you do not. There is no in between.

In isolation, I really don't see the problem. All of my electronic devices are password protected, in case I should lose them or be subjected to theft or robbery. IMO, it's pretty irresponsible NOT to keep such things locked. Personally, I also have no interest whatsoever in reading my husband's text messages, emails or kindle content.

If this is very important for you, then perhaps you just need to face the fact that the two of you are incompatible in this particular area. Unless you have other, specific reasons not to trust her, I don't think there is anything wrong at all with what she is doing. For myself, I appreciate it when my partner doesn't check his text messages in my presence - it means that he is focussed on US rather than his phone.

Have you asked her why she keeps everything locked? If you want complete transparency in your relationship, you might as well start with this conversation and see where it goes from there.

In isolation, I really don't see the problem. All of my electronic devices are password protected, in case I should lose them or be subjected to theft or robbery. IMO, it's pretty irresponsible NOT to keep such things locked. Personally, I also have no interest whatsoever in reading my husband's text messages, emails or kindle content.

 

If this is very important for you, then perhaps you just need to face the fact that the two of you are incompatible in this particular area. Unless you have other, specific reasons not to trust her, I don't think there is anything wrong at all with what she is doing. For myself, I appreciate it when my partner doesn't check his text messages in my presence - it means that he is focussed on US rather than his phone.

I agree. I think you are totally incompatible when it comes to privacy. My lap top is passworded and so is my husband's. My husband leaves his open. Anyone can use it. I have mine off unless I am using it. I keep mine locked out because my husband has destroyed at 4 of our pc's with viruses. So he bought me my own lap top and I keep it locked out to everyone because I am tired of people blowing up my pc.His phone he leaves all over the place. I do not look at his phone. I do not look at his lap top. I do not ask. I put my cell phone away but it is not locked. He never asks me to see my pc or my cell.

I think pass words are smart though because I can access my bank on my lap top and my phone. I do not want my personal financial and otherwise private info floating about in case it is lost or stolen.

You are trying to force her to accept YOUR form privacy which is close to zero. Save yourself the agony and find a girl who feels the same way.

She likes her privacy and frankly you sound insecure. Does she do anything that makes you suspect her of lying? If not you should invest time and energy in conquering this insecurity because it will become toxic to this relationship and your state of mind.

Honestly I am not insecure....it is simply the contradiction in things she says and the fact that she entertains in my opinion too many guys at work....I have caught her in a few lies already about guys that have called her in my presence and that did not make me feel good in my spirit at all. It all sounds like I am the one with the issue but I am an open book with her....no locks on anything....I don't want to give her any reason to doubt me ....how does it sound to you if all your gf ever talks about is "this guy at work is going through something" and " this guy was trying to be cute with me" cmon.....a man knows when a woman will entertain him or not.....Im not stupid not am I insecure....

Have you asked her why she keeps everything locked? If you want complete transparency in your relationship, you might as well start with this conversation and see where it goes from there.

thanks ....that is what i want to do.....I just feel that she will take it as me being jealous and I simply want to have the same openness that I give to her....none of my things are locked....I have nothing to hide...period.

Just because you're all open with your phone and passwords doesn't mean she must be. People are, you know, different.

That said, only you really know what's going on. And frankly if you think she's hiding stuff from you and flirting with a whole bunch of men and leading them on, then why on earth are you with her?

If she is lying about guys she is meeting then there is a major problem right there.

Honestly I am not insecure....it is simply the contradiction in things she says and the fact that she entertains in my opinion too many guys at work....I have caught her in a few lies already about guys that have called her in my presence and that did not make me feel good in my spirit at all. It all sounds like I am the one with the issue but I am an open book with her....no locks on anything....I don't want to give her any reason to doubt me ....how does it sound to you if all your gf ever talks about is "this guy at work is going through something" and " this guy was trying to be cute with me" cmon.....a man knows when a woman will entertain him or not.....Im not stupid not am I insecure....

Then this isn't about locked phones. It's about the two of you not agreeing on what are acceptable interactions with the opposite sex within the framework of a relationship, and about her lying to you. That's something quite different, IMO, and I don't think it's a very good basis for a relationship. If she lies, you need to move on.

If she's lying, that's a definite red flag for the relationship.

If she is lying about guys she is meeting then there is a major problem right there.

I know ....and I don't even think its guys shes meeting ....I think all of this is at work.....shes works with more men than women...so I already know that she is a focus of attention and Im sure she doesn't mind the attention either......

Honestly I am not insecure....it is simply the contradiction in things she says and the fact that she entertains in my opinion too many guys at work....I have caught her in a few lies already about guys that have called her in my presence and that did not make me feel good in my spirit at all. It all sounds like I am the one with the issue but I am an open book with her....no locks on anything....I don't want to give her any reason to doubt me ....how does it sound to you if all your gf ever talks about is "this guy at work is going through something" and " this guy was trying to be cute with me" cmon.....a man knows when a woman will entertain him or not.....Im not stupid not am I insecure....

Lying about talking to other guys should be enough to have a serious talk with her, if not dump her on the spot. For someone who places so much value on honesty, I'm surprised you've put up with this.

Then this isn't about locked phones. It's about the two of you not agreeing on what are acceptable interactions with the opposite sex within the framework of a relationship, and about her lying to you. That's something quite different, IMO, and I don't think it's a very good basis for a relationship. If she lies, you need to move on.

I agree. These are two different issues, but all comes down to what boundaries where you both do not mesh at all.

So OP, you have started two threads on this topic now and received quite a lot of advice. What are you planning to do about the situation?

Why do you suspect she has something to hide?

 

She's entitled to her privacy per the 4th amendment.

I know the amendments...yes....Im not asking to look through her phone...not at all....Im asking for honesty whether it hurts or not......Im entitled to that from someone that claims to be in love with me....I think that is fair.....If she has something that may be inapporopiate on her phone then ,,,,she should be mature enough to cut it off if she is serious about our love.....its cut and dry.....its 2012 and there is no time for foolishness......

OK, if you already know she's lied to you and you say all you really want is honesty, then you already have a problem regardless of the phone.

And frankly it sounds like you are far more invested in this relationship than she is... she is keeping her options open and not interested in total openness, honesty, and full disclosure... So it may be a deeper issue where you are taking her very seriously and want her to act like she is very serious about you, when the reality is she isn't that serious about you and is still interested in flirting with other guys and keeping her options open. It's not necessarily a question of maturity, but a question of a difference in levels of seriousness and commitment... you're very serious and committed, and it sounds like she is not.

I'd slow way down and wouldn't consider this a serious relationship unless she stops engaging in shady or less than committed behavior. If she was really into you and really into the relationship, she'd probably respect your wishes more and not try to hide things from you...

It is tough. However you have no choice but to accept it. Even if you ask her why , you may not get an honest answer.

You are assuming she has somethig to hide, the worst being that she is flirting or having communications with other guys......Say you knew this for sure and it is something she needs as an ego boost - is it acceptable for you if there is no intention to hurt you or cheat on you?

Are there other signs that she may not be comitted? Did she always lock her email/phone? or is it a recent thing. If it is something she did not do at the beginning....i can see how upsetting it would be.

I think perhaps you should start doing the same , see if she finds it perturbing and then you could start the dialogue of why.

The big question is , if your trust issues are warranted or not. Our minds can make us unecessarily suspicious and destroy a RS.

Only our instinct can tell us the truth and it is hard to know what is instinct or imagination.....

For now I would accept it. Look for other signs and hold back a little of yourself.

If she is gonna betray you , just know you will deal with it when the time comes but menawhile dont destroy what you have ( if is worth having in your opinion ) .

I am in a similar boat with BF concealing all communication with his ex. It kills me that he doesnt share their communications. I nver ask. I try and abide by a quote a I read

" it doesnt matter what the other is being, saying, doing, thinking. What matters is your reaction to what they are being , saying, thinking, doing..."

So OP, you have started two threads on this topic now and received quite a lot of advice. What are you planning to do about the situation?

yes...you are right....I wanted to get as much insight before I have a long talk tonight.....I am going to just get it off my chest with her,,,,I do want her to know I feel and what I think about all of this......I have learned to get as much insight from both sides of the spectrum on serious issues....I will have a talk tonight and it will be what it will be. Illl be ready either way.......even if it hurts....

Thanks.....I am going to go ahead and get this off my chest with her because I would rather be happy and alone the being with someone who has other things on their mind....Im ready for it either way.......

I think everyone has a right to personal privacy. What if she locked all of that just because someone else (her friends) checked her phone messages or something and she got upset, so she became over-protective. Leave her alone. If you try to invade to her privacy, believe me, she will not become more open and honest, because you will show that you don't trust her. Don't ruin anything.

I know what you mean.....she could lie and I wouldn't know either way.....youre right at this point I am assuming but so many things said point me in the direction of doubt. I just need to be honest with herself about her seriousness. No I would not lock my phone....I have nothing to hide...its just a cell phone ...not a matter of national security....Im on a different energy path.....society is consummed with social sites and have lost touch with the "human experience" IMO......no holding back for me.......life is too short and I don't have time for foolishness.....but I respect your passive approach....as I am a peaceful spirit in love.....Ive just been burned one too many times and have too much to give......

I always have my phone locked and passwords on my emails etc. I'm not cheating. My boyfriend takes his phone everywhere, he doesnt lock it, but he's not cheating.