My dad has a brain tumor...

.... and I just don't know how to deal anymore.

I got the news last night. My parents were just out visiting me the first week of August, and the first night here my dad had a bad migraine (he's never really had migraines before), and suddenly I'm told that he's been having problems - visual spatial problems, balance issues at times, memory, headaches, and a couple migraines with auras.... he's not been himself.

In less than 24 hours of him being here I knew that he was so not himself that I'd already expressed worry enough to have my mother on the phone to his doctor back home, scheduling an appointment for an MRI.

Well... MRI was done and results came back yesterday... right occipital lobe tumor. Other than that, we don't know much until consultation with the neurosurgeon. My dad is in decent spirits.... happy to have a reason for his symptoms... but me... feeling like I've become the logical, responsible one of the family now... I'm thrust again into the world of worry and reality.

A brain tumor.

People very often don't come back from this.

Treatment isn't easy, and sometimes isn't possible.

My relationship with my father has been one of the most tense and dramatic ones in my life... yet it has also been one of the most important. If I were to face the truth - the thought of losing him, or even a part of him... it is honestly one of my biggest fears. For as much as we have butted heads throughout my entire life, I finally had to realize it is because I am so much like him that it is scary. Though we aren't close now in the same way that my mother and I are, I know we share a very special bond.

I'm terrified for him right now, yet I feel like I have to be strong too. I don't know how this is done. He is 63... has only been retired 2 years. He deserves many more years of health and happy retirement. He's already been through treatments for prostate cancer, and now this. This is not deserved, not for him... not for my mom to deal with either.

I guess... I just needed to vent... life has thrown too much at my family recently it feels like, and I just go numb sometimes...

Oh, Nixee I am so sorry. Try your best to be positive, send him positive thoughts. It isn't a given what will happen, just take one step at a time. Take every little moment as it comes and make the best of it.

A lot can be said for coming together in these times and staying upbeat. That doesn't mean you have to blank out your emotions or hide your fear. There is a balance to strike.

I wish your family all the best of luck.

I am very sorry you had to get this bad news. Some people get brain tumours, get treated and go into remission. Right now it is a waiting game until all the results are in and a course of treatment is decided. The not knowing is tough because the thoughts go crazy with worry and panic. Despite the issues, I am sure your father knows you love him very much and are there for him in his time of need. Hang in there.

I am so very sorry to hear of your news.

My mum was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year and she is currently fighting a battle. If you need to chat, you know where I am.

x

Hey Nixee, so sorry to hear about your dad

Like IphiSaysHi and CAD said above, please try to stay positive.

And easier said than done, I know, but try not to jump the gun and take on the position of the "responsible one." Instead, try to focus mainly on showing support and love to your mom and dad.

Sending a hug and positive thoughts your way,

ellie

Im sorry to hear that

Try and stay positive, I know its hard. There is so much doctors/surgeons can do these days.

Your family is in my thoughts.

Thank you very much, all of you.

I know how important it is to stay positive, and I want to ...its only been a day, but it is already up and down... One moment thinking "it'll be ok... he'll be treated... he'll be fixed..." to thinking nothing but doom and gloom and breaking down crying. ... Then I'm numb again.

It feels like so much to digest.

That's exactly it; everything is going to blur by. No one is prepared for these things and we always think of worst case, best case scenarios and everything in between.

It's overload, though. Just breathe and try to stay in the moment.

I am so sorry Nixee,situations like these are so difficult. Try and stay calm,it is best for you and for your father. Research all you can about the tumour,talk to the drs and see what can be done.Not knowing is the worst. If you pray that helps too.I will pray for him.Stay positive!

So I just talked to my parents, who saw the neurosurgeon today.

I'm not sure what the worst case scenario is, but this feels pretty close

I guess it is a rapidly growing malignant tumor (cancer).

His options are surgery to remove as much as possible of the tumor, and then radiation and chemo after that... all with the possibility of returning cancer and slew of side effects that go along with...

Or no treatment, in which case he'll continue to worsen, have more symptoms and likely die in a matter of months.

He tried to sound strong on the phone at first, but then he cried. He told me he'd been handed his death sentence today he thought. That he didn't want to leave so early, but its ok... he's had a long life. I just told him that I loved him.

Then I talked to my mom, who gave me more of the details. She said that she wants me and my brother to go on living our lives right now where we are (we both live far from home), but if she needs us, she will say.

I don't know what to do. I have the urge to be with my family... be with my mom and dad. Yet I have a job and school about to start again.. a life 3000 miles away. I know that none of it should be as important.... yet it still is... it still is another small stress on the pile.

As things stand right now, they went ahead and scheduled surgery for either Friday this week or Monday next week, and if they stick with that (and all goes smoothly), he should be in the hospital for 5 days or so afterwards.