Is there any chance of finding my husband?

If anyone read my other thread, you’ll know I had a lot of problem with Jack, my husband of fourteen years. Last week I told him by the time he get back from his next job which is suppose to last about four months, he better have his mind made up about what he want in life. Now I think I really regret everything. My worst fear has come to be true.

Yesterday morning, after he left the night before, I got up and noticed both of his cars was missing. I knew something wasn’t right. I tried to call Jack but didn't had any luck. So after I dropped the kids off at the school, I went to check the bank account. I was shocked to find there were just enough moneys to last for only a month. Everything else was wiped out clean and transferred to Luxembourg on Tuesday. When I tried to contact the bank in Luxembourg, they refused to give me any information.

His office was a mess. Many things was missing, his personal computer that he uses for business was smashed to pieces, there was absolutely no papers of any kind anywhere, his cell phone was smashed as well, a couple books were missed or have pages ripped out, and many other important things to him such as his handguns, couple watches, some of his best suit, and other things were missing as well. He left his wedding ring on the computer table. So I know this mean he’s trying to cover up every track and isn’t coming back.

I’m so upset about everything. I don’t know how I’ll be able to keep the usual life for myself and the kids with him gone. I don’t know what to do any more. I know I cannot even make half of what Jack make. So I cannot even support the life that I and our kids have or keep this house or my car even if I get a job. I don’t want to move to other neighbor or work and not being able to be there for my kids any more.

I can’t believe Jack would do this. I thought he’d have more integrity than to do this. My father has been trying to call lawyer for most of the day and is trying to find the best one. I’m hoping to hear something by tonight so I can try to see if there’s anything I can do. I haven’t even told the kids anything yet and I’m really scared to and I don’t know what to tell them. I’m worried they already know something; they already asked where two other cars are which I didn’t say a thing about.

Is there any possible way to get spousal support or some way to get him to pay children support with a good lawyer even if I don’t know where Jack is at all? Is there any way to track him down or get the bank information?

Well, my first reaction is that I am extremely sorry that you are going through this. I can't even imagine.

My second reaction was to get in contact with a good lawyer ASAP.

I think your husband has most likely contacted a lawyer and was instructed exactly how to leave with as much money as possible and ways to cover himself.

I don't know the law, but I suspect that what he is intending to do won't fly and he'll be required by law to pay. Not sure if they will extradite him back to the States if he's out of country(which is my feeling) or not.

Was he doing any illegal things that came back to haunt him and that is why he left. I know this sounds like a TV show but the smashed computer etc almost sounds like he is covering his tracks. Definitely get a lawyer...and see if there is anything criminal going on.

yes, i'd call a lawyer, hopefully they can do something to get the money back, etc.... freeze the assets. so sorry to hear this. hugs.

Actually I have some positive information for you... you say your husband is in the U.S. military. You can most likely have your lawyer garnish his check to pay your expenses during the divorce, so the money goes directly to you without going thru him.

Judges take very unkindly to spouses who behave like your husband, empty out bank accounts, and leave their spouse and children with no way to pay their bills. He has deserted you AND the children, and taken with him your means of support. The judge will recognize that this is a terrible and irresponsible way to treat his children in particular, and most likely will throw the book at him.

He can walk away from you, but he cannot walk away from his financial responsibility to his children, especially if he works for the govt.

So get a lawyer and unleash the lawyer on him quick. The lawyer can get you a temporary support order til things are decided, and set in motion the wheels to garnish his check if he behaves in a way that looks like he won't pay your support.

I also think this bad behavior on his part will influence the judge in your favor, since you have done nothing wrong, and he is behaving badly. Take a picture of the damage he left in your house, and start gathering the financial information you need to show he cleaned out your accounts.

It is hard now, but you will end up better off for this! i think he will discover it is not so easy to walk away and abandon his children like this if he wants to keep his good standing in the military. He most likely will have to pay your support and mortgage for a few years, plus child support. There is also a good chance that you will be entitled to part of his military pension and continued military benefits. He will most likely be required to pay health insurance. So he may THINK he can walk away, but he really can't, at least not for long.

he better have his mind made up about what he want in life.

You TOLD him to QUIT the Life he Loves or you were out of there.

To be honest...I am not surprised by his actions. You forced them on him.

Between a rock and a hard place he went AWOL. You can't garnish anything when he is not working for the military. Just the dregs of the previous earnings and perhaps pension monies...but that can't be enough.

Why he chose Luxembourg as the location for his money...there are better places with easier access..seems he did it really on the fly.

if he wants to keep his good standing in the military.

I don't think he even cares about the military anymore. He is GONE.

Part of being rid of you was to lose the job as well.

I can’t believe Jack would do this.

Can't believe you could be so short sighted. Clearly lacking any understanding that this life was not one he was at all happy with. He was DEAD Miserable...and you were going to force him to quit the one thing he still enjoyed. The Straw that broke the Camels back.

IF you do find him....drag him kicking and screaming back to fulfill his monetary duties you will be most satisfied with yourself as that is all you care about. He on the other hand will be a prisoner till the children are grown up.

Feel sorry for Jack.

Hope he had the smarts to skip the country. With that money there are plenty of places in the world he can "lose" himself and the demons of hell would have a very hard time ever tracking him down.

enig - why so bitter? i don't know, i didn't live with them, i don't know if she was the perfect wife or what. even if she wasn't, what he did, abandoning her and the 3 kids was totally not the way to do it. he should have just started divorce proceedings, but instead, he took all the money and split just like that. how would you like it if your bf broke up with you by disappearing? but instead of bf, think of a husband and partner for nearly 2 decades! that is totally not ok, it's illegal too.

i hope, nancy, that you find him. i hope the lawyer can help get the money back.

enig - why so bitter?

Not bitter. Her posts are so completely Self centered. Her previous thread same.

I can understand Jack's POV....she is blind to what she did to him. She FORCED his hand in this. The man was MISERABLE....and she cut off the last thing that gave him any Joy. Had she NOT done so....Jack seems to have been the stoic type and would have stuck by and fulfilled his obligations as had been doing. But that was STILL not good enough for her.

It's all about what SHE wants. How SHE wants it. He is just a money machine to her. Not a PERSON with a need for joy and happiness of his own.

He cut and RUN like the bat out of hell....I told her previously...check her thread...Jack was twisting in his own skin... don't know how to explain that he HAD to go...he was imploding.

I’m so upset about everything. I don’t know how I’ll be able to keep the usual life for myself and the kids with him gone. I don’t know what to do any more. I know I cannot even make half of what Jack make. So I cannot even support the life that I and our kids have or keep this house or my car even if I get a job. I don’t want to move to other neighbor or work and not being able to be there for my kids any more.

Upset about losing Creature Comforts...not upset about losing the man/father and the marriage.

Jack clued in a while ago...

Sorry if everyone was misunderstood. He got out of the army just before we married, so he’s no longer in the military. But he has been working for government ever since then. I have the number and information and everything. So I will be sure to pass that to the lawyer. I guess things are looking good for me so far since he made some major mistakes. Plus I’m hoping he’ll try to receive income with his new account or make some other mistake that expose him.

Also doesn’t it mean if the moneys were wired to Luxembourg, he’ll be there? Or could it be something else? Does anyone know if Luxembourg will help with finding him and sending him back here?

Yes I took the pictures of all damages in the office and everything. I didn’t even touch anything but for the ring in the office. Today I went on a long walk and look in a couple trash cans and dumpster around here for any hint of any papers or any thing he might have tried to get rid of. But I didn’t have any luck. I already have print out of the transcriptions from the bank.

It would be a huge help if they can make him support me and the children for a couple years. That would give me some time to get back on my feet.

I believe it was wrong for him to never be around for the family but always running off to do things with his friends or spend most of his life oversea. What kind of family man does that? If he want to go out of the country then do it as vacation. If he wants to do some activity, he has to try find something for everyone in the family. Also if he enjoys his life so much then he’d have never got out of the military. He was in Delta force which is elite and only very few of the best ever got in! He must have wanted to be a family man at least some point then got caught up in the job that he have now. So I believe that if he would have quit his job and find something locally, he’d rediscover why he wanted a family in the first place.

He should have been a man and be here for the family. If he doesn’t like to be married, he should have done it the right way and try to help me financially and raising the kids. He knows that kids always come first ever since before our first son was born. So he has no excuse for his action!

Other good news, I have an appointment with attorney tomorrow afternoon. But what information should I have ready for the attorney? What will the meeting be like? Will things such as Jack’s background of military, languages he know, countries he have been to, and other things help? I’m feeling pretty optimistic about being able to track him down with some helps. So I’m feeling much better than I was earlier today and yesterday.

Enig, your posts are so out of line and I notice that in most threads you seem to attack the OP. While you are entitled to your opinion, it seems that whenever you post on anything it is with purpose of trashing the OP. I have read this posters other threads and her husband was indeed way out of line. His actions are deplorable and indefensible. There are more appropriate and kinder ways to deal with unhappiness in a marriage. I don't even know how you can even make the assumptions you are making about the OP to justify what her husband did. There is no justfication for what he did. Your post is just outright cruel.

Enigmatika, I'm not sure if you should be posting in this thread. This is a woman who has come here for constructive advice and support. Jack doesn't need a cheerleader. He wasn't a cool dad. I think the reason she's more concerned about losing the material possessions and financial support is that that was all he was giving her for a very long time. The kids aren't losing a dad, since clearly they lost him long, long ago. Why should she mourn something that's long dead?

How do you know he's even still working for the government?

Enigmatika, I'm not sure if you should be posting in this thread. This is a woman who has come here for constructive advice and support. Jack doesn't need a cheerleader. He wasn't a cool dad. I think the reason she's more concerned about losing the material possessions and financial support is that that was all he was giving her for a very long time. The kids aren't losing a dad, since clearly they lost him long, long ago. Why should she mourn something that's long dead?

All basically lumped into one^^^ as the others are heck bent for leather on blasting another POV.

1.

Enigmatika, I'm not sure if you should be posting in this thread. This is a woman who has come here for constructive advice and support.

Others suggested in previous thread that she join him.

2.

Jack doesn't need a cheerleader.

He doesn't require being unfairly judged either. He stuck it out for 14 YEARS...and then when the Camel's back was overloaded....he snapped.

3.

He wasn't a cool dad.

He TRIED and was blocked by whom?

4.

I think the reason she's more concerned about losing the material possessions and financial support is that that was all he was giving her for a very long time.

Was always the primary concern was it not?

5.

The kids aren't losing a dad, since clearly they lost him long, long ago. Why should she mourn something that's long dead?

It wasn't dead up until 4 days ago. She gave it the Kiss of Death though.

...this post is completely inappropriate, irrelevant and out of line!

Was far from a racist comment....curiosity regarding the origins of the broken grammar and incorrect usage of verb conjugation.

Enig, your posts are so out of line and I notice that in most threads you seem to attack the OP. While you are entitled to your opinion, it seems that whenever you post on anything it is with purpose of trashing the OP.

How can that be? Prior to him blowing out of town...I warned her what she was dealing with. She dropped her bomb....and he didn't drop dead. He ran..

I don't attack the OP...I question rather harshly the train of thought. The mechanism and machinations that have led to the present parameters.

There are more appropriate and kinder ways to deal with unhappiness in a marriage.

Of course... apparently there was no middle ground that was acceptable to her. He had to QUIT and be at home 100% of the time...or else nothing. Not much wiggle room is there?

I don't even know how you can even make the assumptions you are making about the OP to justify what her husband did. There is no justfication for what he did.

Maybe NOT to yourself...I can see his POV all too clearly or I would not have mentioned on her earlier thread that this was VERY likely. That he did NOT wait till he was posted overseas for the next 4 months is testimony to just how Miserable he already was and how backed into a corner he felt.

Was what he ultimately DID "right?" For him Yes. He had no other choice.

He was going to lose it ALL on HIS terms or HERS...he CHOSE His.

He had Nothing left to Lose.

Constructive support currently requested is How to track him down for financial compensation...not the marriage. Not the father.

It's rude and vulgar to assume a man that works overseas and pays for his family's way of LIFE...as NOT being there! He is doing what he can to make life EASY for his family at a great expense to himself. Such a selfish view point is deplorable.

our post is just outright cruel.

NOT...if it opens up her EYES to what very may well have been the case.

based on his actions, it Was/ Is the case....sometimes one must be cruel to be kind

What was done to Jack was Cruel. His hand was forced in the matter. There is always fall out from ultimatums.

How do you know he's even still working for the government?

Highly doubt it at this point. Too easy to track.

Jack was never a true husband or a father. I have always hoped that he would change one day and decided to stay home and help with raising the family. But I guess I was just a fool for believing that this would happen one day. I stayed with him because I had a really high hope of him. Everything was great, but just him was missing. Basically I was living a life I desire but without a husband being. I have a very nice house, a car that I really like; I get to stay home with kids and raise them and always be there for them, and stay home to take care of the house. I was putting my faith in him and now he ripped all of those dreams of mine away. It’s not easy to find a good job today, especially when you’re almost 40! And have all huge bills to take care of and raising three kids! If Jack would have divorced after first couple years, I’d have some time to get everything together and the kids wouldn’t be affected by this. But Jack basically just want to not have any responsible and is always gone and used that to his advantage. That’s just wrong.

Why wouldn’t he be working for government? He was in Delta force, so I don’t see why he’d not have an outstanding record and network to be able to get a decent job. I don’t really know much about his job, he doesn’t really talk about it. He just talks more about the area he was at if anything. He also tells everyone the same thing and keeps his story the same. Plus I have his business card with the website, contact information, address, and everything. I guess I’m naive, but… I just trust him when he says he work for the government.

Well I better get ready for attorney appointment. I hope it goes well.

I read the other post - and I think the situation is fairly straightforward.

She wanted a house/car/kids/picket fence/all-American dream life - including teh husband at her side....and his priorities were to have a job that fulfilled him, interests that empowered him, and obligations to fulfill - but not much involvement with the people he was attached to.

So she had everything she wanted except the full-time adoring husband....and he had everything he wanted until she started complaining and making ultimatums that he lose his identity and lifestyle by being the type of husband/father she always wanted - but wasn't willing to settle for till she had all the "stuff" that she wanted as well.

And now he's split. What is it about people that they don't get 'how it is works, or else I'd be outta here".

It's that simple......so if you're complaining about how it is - it's because YOU don't like it how it is - if the person you're complaining to/at likes it as it is - any changes are going to be considered sacrifices on thier side, and any ultimatum is going to end the alliance.

the guy was giving you EvERYTHING you wanted, except that on-site husband/father element, which is way more than most men would have done, or will do in the next go around. And he was responsibly providing for you all, and all your wants and needs - without any financial assistance from you - while also using his time/energy and resources for his own life style fulfillment. The guy was the ultimate in "responsiblity".......give some people an inch - they want a mile. Why was it so important that now that you had all this stuff, these kids, this lifestyle, these financial obligations iwth absolutely no financial or other self-responsiblity that you demand he be home?

How do you know he's even still working for the government?

My guess is that he is not. My guess is that he is consulting for the military. The consultants still have rules, but nothing like working inside the military.

OP, you need a lawyer fast. You *can* find your husband, but it depends on where he is headed as to how and to what extent he may be held to account in the U.S. There are numerous countries where one can hide indefinitely, for example, but he would have to be very careful with his movements. In any case, much more so than spending time here, you need legal help immediately. Time is of the essense when someone is on the run like this.

The chances of finding this guy are small. He's been prepared to cut loose by moving his money around, finding a new identity and everything else.......and while she thinks her ultimatum is what caused his disappearance, it's very possible that whateveer he's involved in elsewhere sparked it.

the guy was giving you EvERYTHING you wanted, except that on-site husband/father element,which is way more than most men would have done, or will do in the next go around.

....sad isn't it?

Classic case of not appreciating what you have until it's gone.

I was living a life I desire but without a husband being. I have a very nice house, a car that I really like; I get to stay home with kids and raise them and always be there for them, and stay home to take care of the house.

Who PAID for that all?

Jack was never a true husband or a father.

..........^^him?](*,)

......and while she thinks her ultimatum is what caused his disappearance, it's very possible that whateveer he's involved in elsewhere sparked it.

...or perhaps even only a thin gray streak of smoke.

Each person has their own breaking points.

Excuse me.

Why are you beating up on this person? Regardless of what she may have done, expected, not done, tolerated, etc., the actions of this guy are horrific and illegal, and should be the main focus in this time of crisis. Time enough later to assess the whys and wherefores, this is a triage time.

It sounds to me that there is much more to this story. The guy is probably in some sort of covert government work. He gets sent overseas very often and knows how to get rid of any evidence of his identity.

He does not seem to have much in common with the OP and likes an adventurous lifestyle. The fact that they managed to stay together for this long is what really amazes me. For all she knows he may be in witness protection at this point, or just skipped town.

She should certainly get a good lawyer, so that she can get some sort of financial support, but as far as the marriage is concerned, that's been long gone.

Excuse me.

 

Why are you beating up on this person? Regardless of what she may have done, expected, not done, tolerated, etc., the actions of this guy are horrific and illegal, and should be the main focus in this time of crisis. Time enough later to assess the whys and wherefores, this is a triage time.

I ditto this post. I don't understand what is so horribly wrong about wanting the physical and emotional presense of the person you married. Marriage is not simply about earning tons of money to provide material possessions...it is about partnership, love, laughter, sharing, caring. She may have had the money and material possessions but she didn't have the partnership...I am sure when she got married, she expected, like most people, a partnership of love and affection. It is disgusting that people are beating her up for having these "outrageous" expectations of wanting a husband who is physically and emotionally around, not one who is simply throwing money at her to keep her quiet.

Yesterday I met with the attorney. She asked a lot about my personal life, family, history of our marriage, and everything. She say she will try to have the whole thing investigate and come up with answer ASAP. She says its not unheard of spouse trying to flee to other countries, but they usually get caught because they are on their own and aren’t familiar with the new area and don’t know anyone. Also since Jack work for the government and transferred the moneys to Europe, it’s very likely we can get the country to cooperate with us and help us find him and the moneys. She says he may get rid of hard evidence at home, but he had made many mistakes and will most likely get caught soon. Especially if he tries withdraw the moneys from the bank. So this is a great news.

But she also suggests me to get a job soon and try to learn to live on my own with the kids because she isn’t sure how long it will be before we will get anything back. She also assured me that this situation isn’t unique and that when Jack gets caught, Jack will have one tough uphill battle and will not look good in judge’s eyes at all. So it will help me get a lot more out of the situation.

However she’s a bit worried about how much he knows and how much training he had. She says with all languages he know, experience of being oversea, and everything it may take a bit longer to catch him but it is very likely he’ll make a mistake and get caught.

So I’m feeling really good about the situation. I know it will be tough for a while, but at least I feel much more confident about getting everything back and at least not losing everything. My family also has been very supportive and understanding of everything. They are going to try help as much as possible.

I’m hoping to have some more information on the whole situation sometime this week.

Ok, let's forget about Jack for a moment. I think you should proceed based on the assumption that he won't be found - plan for the worst and hope for the best, right?

Any ideas about what kind of employment you might get? Are you going to be able to make your next mortgage payment?

.....what do you mean by "getting everything back and at least not losing everything"?

My bf is a family law attorney and I feel for you. It is next to impossible to get monies from Luxembourg or Switzerland. Many people with assets know about and do this. I have personally seen two men do this. It's been about two years since my bfr has been on the case and the money is well hidden. He has had husbands and wives do this and it will take time, possibly years, and you will never see what you think you should have. He will contact you sometime. He has to if he works for the government. They will make sure that child and spousal support are given you, but it is based on his salary, not what he took. Sell the house, get back to school and work. It will be tough, but you are the better person. Next time you voice a complaint to a man, make sure you are ready for them to leave. It seems you loved the lifestyle, not the man. You never mentioned love, just the monetary things you and the kids will lose. Being a working mom is not a bad thing. I have been one for years. Welcome to the real world. Take a seat and make yourself at home.