my husband says he doesn't love me anymore

Hello, to everyone of you. Thanks for your different opinions of my situation. As far as men always cheating, no they do not. Some men leave for different reasons "midlife crisis". And that word does not always mean they need something younger with the prefect body. Some for the reasons beec gives. As far as a wife that does not provide a good home. Well, I know you are not saying that I was that way. But, just to set the record straight, I am far from that type of wife. I work a fulltime job as a nurse, I work full time in my house. I cook, clean, do dishes, and laundry. And by cook, I mean I do not cook from fastfood or boxes. I cook everynight when I come home a fresh hot meal made from scratch, just a regular country girl at heart. My house is the gathering place for the kids.

As far as not taking care of him sex wise, my husband has never had to want for that. I am probably the rarest of wives. "I never have a headache" the problem is more he does have a headache.

AS far as affairs, people handle those in different ways. There is no set way to handle that. My husband and I are not perfect as far as that goes. We have been married for 20years, but we both had our days early on in our marriage and worked that out. That has been buried in the past a long time ago.

Now, for this past weekend,,,to beec...the book is working great. He asked me to do things this weekend. And I must say we had a good weekend. When he went to work Sunday morning he asked me to ride with him and then we went to town and came backand did things together at the house. Instead , of me inside him outside.

Again, thanks for everyone of you. Eventhough, I don't agree with all of your opinions they do give me insight of what I need to explore.

He asked me to do things this weekend. And I must say we had a good weekend.

Tinalynns that is really good news.

So many times with work and children we neglect our relationship until it's too late. I'm glad to see it's not too late for you. Like I said before, too often we forget to also be friends with our mate, and nurture that relationship.

It sounds to me like you are on the right track. Keep it up.

Glad to here things seem a little better.

One thing to also consider. Muneca's signature line. Absense. It does not have to mean not being there physically. It can mean not being there in the way you have been at times.

By now, I would bet he takes your cooking every night as something that is just a given. It's probably taken for granted a bit, even if he is great about telling you how much he appreciates it. If you want something to be missed, sometimes it needs to be absent.

I am not going to tell you to stop cooking. You'll need to think about it and how and when and if are all you calls. But if you want what you do appreciated, sometimes it should be missing.

Same thing with you helping on his tractors. Sometimes it should be there, sometimes not. How often, is something you need to feel out for and at the same time, it needs to be you. Don't be something you aren't.

Hello to everyone, well I should say good morning to everyone. I am writing with an update. My husband has left, he will not return my calls, or come home or tell me where he is at. I have to face things and start the divorce process. I know that some people will think let him pay let him file. I want to get on with my life. I am just not sure how. How do people survive this, how do they just go on. I know I have to go to work everyday. I have a son living at home that needs me to pick myself up and keeping moving...

How do I go on?

Good morning Tinalynns,

I'm very sorry that things did not get better. I had hoped that there was a way to fix what was wrong.

How to go on? Well I can tell you from experience that it's very difficult to feel better in a matter of days. Healing and moving on takes a long while. You do it the best way you can and in whatever way works for you. Sometimes one day at a time works...other times just getting through the next 10 minutes is enough of a challenge.

Allow yourself to have all the range of emotions you are going to experience. I think it's part of the healing process... and I can tell you (coming from the other side) that you will get better and you will survive this.

You are welcome to use this forum to vent your emotions during this time. We are here for you.

tinalynns, just keep plugging. You'll make it.

And just because he left, does not mean he won't be asking to come back.

Hi, everyone. I am taking this one moment at a time. That is all I can do. My family is very supportive. And I am very proud of my brother because him and my husband work at the same company. He is supportive,,but netural. I can't get off the rollercoaster yet. It hasn't made a stop. I cry and scream when I am alone, I put up a strong front when I have to deal with my husband at all. He broke me down I will not let him do that again. And Beec if being agreeable is good then things should get better soon..who knows? Everytime we have a conversation he has his guard up snappy at me, but when he sees I am staying calm and only discuss what is necessary and end the call his attitude changes. I must brag on myself a little. I saw my husband today, for financial reasons only,he had taken off his wedding ring, when he left before he did not take it off. He told me that when he is finished he would take it off. Well, I said I see you are through, he said yes I am , I said ok and calmly told him bye and to have good day..this is real hard.

Filing for divorce is a big step. It can finalize a decision and also damage any feelings that may be there.

What happens if your husband reacts towards reconciliation the minute he receives divorce papers?

If you considered reconciling after such was done then I'd consider it a threat if I were your husband.

I don't know how long this has been going on for you, but if you really love the guy and he's not returning calls maybe you should just move on w/o the divorce and give him space.

When you talk the next time ask him if he wants the divorce and work it out civily through mediator and not go to attorney's that will seemingly take advantage of the both of you and push both of you to go after each others throats just so they can make money.

The longer they keep you from a quick settlement the more money they will make. It is their nature to cause chaos between the 2 of you.

I know this because my Ex wife was after me for what she could get out of me and I sat back and watched her run up her lawyer bill to almost triple of what mine was.

In the end...I renovated my whole house to her likings and am signing the home over to her so she and the kids have what I worked for all these years.

She keeps me in her life and hates when I don't talk to her. I am still hurting after 2 1/2 yrs but I can't change her feelings. I can only be her friend and stay in her life like she wants me to if I'd ever expect her to turn around and want me back.

I have 2 kids 13 and 17 and its very hard for me to not live with them anymore. But after being with my Ex for 21 yrs its also hard to let go. Facing the challenge of a friendship with her is something I feel I need to do for myself and for my kids.

2 parents that walk away from each other and never talk leave the kids with no choice but to side with either parent and the child can sometimes lose what could have been a great relationship with both of them.

I know I have to move on. But to keep my kids happy I share time with them and my Ex.

The divorce is what he said he wants. He wants to sit down this weekend and come of with a workable arrangement. His words, push the divorce through as quickly as possible, one lawyer, we will have it figuired out before we get there. So I do know how hard this will be. But, I will not fight him or hold off. If I do I will send him further away. You are right I do love him that is why I am giving him what he wants...I am not fighting it. And as far as the kids. I think we will work on things with them.

Well, here I am. I was told to use this forum to vent also. I am starting to real mad, I know I will be on this emotional rollercoaster for a while. The thing is I know he wants me to blow up, so he can justify his actions. Everytime we do talk he is cold at the start, but when he sees I am going to stay calm and answer and speak to him about what is "business" his tone changes. The one thing I don't get is last weekend we had a great weekend. He was talking in the future, and Wed. he came home packed and left while no one was here. I did not fall apart as least not in front of him. He knows I love him, I don't need to keep telling him and crying, or asking why. But, believe me that is inside of me. I want to shake him until the man I married falls out somewhere. I only call once a day to leave a message in reguards to our son, or the business, he started a mowing business on the side but wants me and my son to take care of it. That way he does not have to face me. This time is the third time he has left, he will not talk to me, and refuses to come to the house if I am here. I feel like if he spends too much time in my presents or talks to me on the phone that his feelings for me will come out. I know he said he doesn't love me, but I don't know if it is wishfull thinking on my part or not. I know he does, I just don't have a clue what to do to change things. I am giving him space and leaving him alone. I hope that works.

I agree with keeping yourself calm and addressing the issues in a non-blaming way. Like you said, he may expect you to blow up to justify himself and when you don't it throws him for a loop. It would be so easy to blame you and rid himself of guilt--if you were being emotional in front of him. Keep doing what you're doing.

I understand your anger, it's justified, you are not being allowed to work this out. He has decided for both of you. Who wouldn't be frustrated ?

Keep using the dignified approach you are using now. He might have expected you to react in a very different way and now doesn't know what to make of this. I think you are right about why he is not wanting to see you in person.

Chin up!

If your husband is on any type of psychiatric medication (prozac, zoloft, effexor, etc) this could be your problem. These type of drugs can cause an emotional condition called emotional blunting or insesitivity. I noticed many things different about my husband when he began taking prozac, but one day when he told me he just didn't love me the way he used to, it totally blew my mind. We had a good loving marriage. I did the same - freaked out! Yelled, cried, called him every name in the book. But mostly I just didn't believe it! Because I also noticed other personality changes, I began researching his medication right away. It was beginning to make sense. Of course, the problem is that his feelings are very real to him. We are currently separated so that we do not kill what feelings we do have left for each other with our arguing and fighting. He is in withdraw of his medication and his feelings are reawakening. From what I understand, this is going to be a very rough road for us! I hope we can salvage what was once a great marriage. We have 3 children. Ages 11, 6, 4. We are both in counseling! Ironically, I had just found out my dad had pancreatic cancer. My husband was very indifferent about that. Another clue that feelings weren't right. He just is not normally like that. I hope this is helpful.

hmmm thats pretty interesting stuff

I can understand that you've been married a long time and wish it could work, but you're right about your dignity. You shouldn't have to grovel and beg your husband to stay with you and you do not have to subject yourself to his whims. He'll never respect you if you let him do what ever he likes, and more importantly, you won't respect yourself!

So, as much as it hurts, you need to respect yourself and set boundaries. If he doesn't want to stay married but wants to stay in the house until the kids are grown, that sets a bad example for the children as they witness a loveless and disrespectful marriage. Perhaps you should separate....there's a great website that has information about divorce, which you should start investigating just to make sure you're well prepared and cared for in the event it happens. It's TheModernWoman'link removed

Do you guys realize this thread is 2 1/2 years old?

"I am fully capable of arguing with you without EVER falling out of love with you or wanting to leave you. I expect the same of you. It is our first real fight, so I'll warn you now, you will only ever break up with me once. Once you leave, there is no coming back. I will not spend my life in an on/off relationship, especially with someone I care about so deeply. It would ruin me. And the only thing I love more than you is myself. So you had better be sure you want to break up with me before you say it again, okay"

Very wise words, people throw out, "lets break up" way too easily without understanding the gravity of it. I don't want an on/off relationship either, maybe next time will take a page out of your book...next time I am in a relationship.

I'm new to this but in a very similar situation. Right before Thanksgiving my husband of 1 1/2 years announces that things are just not right for us. He has blamed everything from his kids not liking me to not trusting me. I made a huge mistake and lied about money....know that this could end the relationship. I think I am learning to accept that he will never come back and we will never work it out, but it hurts horribly. We are still living in the same house, his son and my daugther. Yet I am not supposed to be upset, cry or be angry about anything. I blame myslef for all the mess and am deeply depressed. Everyday it gets harder and harder and he seems to have just flipped a switch and everything is over. He sits around with his brother discussing future plans like I'm not even here. It really hurts, on one hand he tells me that loves me and my daughter (for the longest time he has told her that she is his baby and she has not relationship with her bio-father) now everything is about to end. I move out at the end of this month and am trying to figure out how to start over. I don't think I have ever been this low. Any advice or help would be appreciated.

Well what do I say. Tina I know what you are going thru. You see my husband has recently came to me and told me he doesn't love me anymore, but he cares about me. What to do? Don't know don't have the answer, but I do know my husband is a disabled veteran, has been diagnosed with sever depression, and anxiety. And have actually found where he has put profiles up on singles site. He has numerous meds he is taking, and has major mood swings. One day he acts like nothing is wrong on another he acts like everything is my fault. I wish I had the answer to your question. But I don't. All I can say is i'm here if you'd like to talk. If you get the answer to your question please let me know. Good luck and God bless.

RIDICULOUS LOSS!

I found out in the last year that my husband has been more than fed up with our relationship. I have struggled with serious illness for most of my life and I now in my 30s with my husband just entering his 40s. He knew about my medical past when we dated almost 2 decades ago. In the last 5 years, I had to deal with liver cancer which involved only surgery. The removal of half my liver left me to go through a hell of a recovery that took several years. I have been doctoral student and tried to finish it after I started recovery but my whole perspective on life was different. I had colon cancer and other issues starting as a teen and I had to try an address the purpose of so much sickness. Deep down, I was not happy with school but didn't address it until this year when I have been at my best medical state. My husband and I have been together for 16 years. He is lost trying to find himself and I have been blamed for not letting him pursue what he wanted because he got whatever job for medical insurance. He forgot about his graduate degree he earned, the success of our marriage, and just the simple fact that were still together. The problem of it all is that he stated that I should have recovered more quickly and that he wanted me to work, so I postponed finishing my degree to get work so he had time to find what he wanted to do. He told me this would be great. I made the decision and told my family, but he wasn't satisfied. He said that I wasn't going to make it happen and that he just needs to get work - not have an opportunity to find himself. It boiled down to me not doing anything good enough. I think if he acknowledged it all, he would have to admit certain things about himself. We live in this home that technically is under my parents' name. He has been up and down with his emotions for me but it has progressively gotten worse. I have no idea why he hasn't moved out. We barely talk unless I initiated talk. I can't believe this is how its going to end. I don't know why he is sticking around. He is not looking for work or trying to find out what he wants for himself while I have been doing exactly what I said I would do for us and him. I am hurting and crying more than I want to admit yet angry at the same time for giving up on me because of stuff I couldn't control. Up until last January February and March, I have been dealing with blood transfusions and related things. Its hard to study and do all you need as a wife when you are not 100% healthy.

I have no idea what to do. I had a plan to share with him, but he won't initiated a conversation on it even after I asked when we were going to talk about it. He says I am a manipulator because of how I portrayed myself especially as a patient.

Halfbreed,

This thread is very old. Perhaps you could start your own thread.

Lost