halfbreed

RIDICULOUS LOSS! I found out in the last year that my husband has been more than fed up with our relationship. I have struggled with serious illness for most of my life and I now in my 30s with my husband just entering his 40s. He knew about my medical past when we dated almost 2 decades ago. In the last 5 years, I had to deal with liver cancer which involved only surgery. The removal of half my liver left me to go through a hell of a recovery that took several years. I have been doctoral student and tried to finish it after I started recovery but my whole perspective on life was different. I had colon cancer and other issues starting as a teen and I had to try an address the purpose of so much sickness. Deep down, I was not happy with school but didn't address it until this year when I have been at my best medical state. My husband and I have been together for 16 years. He is lost trying to find himself and I have been blamed for not letting him pursue what he wanted because he got whatever job for medical insurance. He forgot about his graduate degree he earned, the success of our marriage, and just the simple fact that were still together. The problem of it all is that he stated that I should have recovered more quickly and that he wanted me to work, so I postponed finishing my degree to get work so he had time to find what he wanted to do. He told me this would be great. I made the decision and told my family, but he wasn't satisfied. He said that I wasn't going to make it happen and that he just needs to get work - not have an opportunity to find himself. It boiled down to me not doing anything good enough. I think if he acknowledged it all, he would have to admit certain things about himself. We live in this home that technically is under my parents' name. He has been up and down with his emotions for me but it has progressively gotten worse. I have no idea why he hasn't moved out. We barely talk unless I initiated talk. I can't believe this is how its going to end. I don't know why he is sticking around. He is not looking for work or trying to find out what he wants for himself while I have been doing exactly what I said I would do for us and him. I am hurting and crying more than I want to admit yet angry at the same time for giving up on me because of stuff I couldn't control. Up until last January February and March, I have been dealing with blood transfusions and related things. Its hard to study and do all you need as a wife when you are not 100% healthy. I have no idea what to do. I had a plan to share with him, but he won't initiated a conversation on it even after I asked when we were going to talk about it. He says I am a manipulator because of how I portrayed myself especially as a patient.