tinalynns123

Well, here I am. I was told to use this forum to vent also. I am starting to real mad, I know I will be on this emotional rollercoaster for a while. The thing is I know he wants me to blow up, so he can justify his actions. Everytime we do talk he is cold at the start, but when he sees I am going to stay calm and answer and speak to him about what is "business" his tone changes. The one thing I don't get is last weekend we had a great weekend. He was talking in the future, and Wed. he came home packed and left while no one was here. I did not fall apart as least not in front of him. He knows I love him, I don't need to keep telling him and crying, or asking why. But, believe me that is inside of me. I want to shake him until the man I married falls out somewhere. I only call once a day to leave a message in reguards to our son, or the business, he started a mowing business on the side but wants me and my son to take care of it. That way he does not have to face me. This time is the third time he has left, he will not talk to me, and refuses to come to the house if I am here. I feel like if he spends too much time in my presents or talks to me on the phone that his feelings for me will come out. I know he said he doesn't love me, but I don't know if it is wishfull thinking on my part or not. I know he does, I just don't have a clue what to do to change things. I am giving him space and leaving him alone. I hope that works.

The divorce is what he said he wants. He wants to sit down this weekend and come of with a workable arrangement. His words, push the divorce through as quickly as possible, one lawyer, we will have it figuired out before we get there. So I do know how hard this will be. But, I will not fight him or hold off. If I do I will send him further away. You are right I do love him that is why I am giving him what he wants...I am not fighting it. And as far as the kids. I think we will work on things with them.

Hi, everyone. I am taking this one moment at a time. That is all I can do. My family is very supportive. And I am very proud of my brother because him and my husband work at the same company. He is supportive,,but netural. I can't get off the rollercoaster yet. It hasn't made a stop. I cry and scream when I am alone, I put up a strong front when I have to deal with my husband at all. He broke me down I will not let him do that again. And Beec if being agreeable is good then things should get better soon..who knows? Everytime we have a conversation he has his guard up snappy at me, but when he sees I am staying calm and only discuss what is necessary and end the call his attitude changes. I must brag on myself a little. I saw my husband today, for financial reasons only,he had taken off his wedding ring, when he left before he did not take it off. He told me that when he is finished he would take it off. Well, I said I see you are through, he said yes I am , I said ok and calmly told him bye and to have good day..this is real hard.

Hello to everyone, well I should say good morning to everyone. I am writing with an update. My husband has left, he will not return my calls, or come home or tell me where he is at. I have to face things and start the divorce process. I know that some people will think let him pay let him file. I want to get on with my life. I am just not sure how. How do people survive this, how do they just go on. I know I have to go to work everyday. I have a son living at home that needs me to pick myself up and keeping moving... How do I go on?

Mine will not get counciling. My father in law just called to check on me and my kids. He has no clue what his son is up to. And I dont' know it is not like him to do this and be so cold. I don't even know where he is and he did not call and check on his son to make sure when he came home from school he was ok with him being gone again. I can't stay on this roler caoster I will start looking for a lawyer tomorrow I wish you better luck

jayp How you feel is not one emotion or feeling. I t is like being on a rollercoaster and no one will let you off, no one will let you take a breathe. I know how you feel, I am going through the very same thing. Is there another man? Is there another woman in my case? No one nos the answers but them. And do we want those answers? I don't for it will not change anything. I am sorry for you. No one should have to feel this pain. I have been married for 20 years. My husband walked in and said he did not love me anymore. Today is the third time he has walked out the door since March 15th, that is no way to live. So if I can give you any advice, it is to get started on your life, go out have a good time, don't be a yoyo. I hope there is not kids involved. If you start your life immediately without her, then if she feels she made a misstake and wants to work on things she will. If you tell her you love her and beg her to stay the farther she will go. That was working ok. But, I don't have the courage to stay with it, I wish I did then maybe I would not be alone tonight. Feel free to pm me or e-mail at my personal if you just want to chat, two people living the same nightmare.

Hello, to everyone of you. Thanks for your different opinions of my situation. As far as men always cheating, no they do not. Some men leave for different reasons "midlife crisis". And that word does not always mean they need something younger with the prefect body. Some for the reasons beec gives. As far as a wife that does not provide a good home. Well, I know you are not saying that I was that way. But, just to set the record straight, I am far from that type of wife. I work a fulltime job as a nurse, I work full time in my house. I cook, clean, do dishes, and laundry. And by cook, I mean I do not cook from fastfood or boxes. I cook everynight when I come home a fresh hot meal made from scratch, just a regular country girl at heart. My house is the gathering place for the kids. As far as not taking care of him sex wise, my husband has never had to want for that. I am probably the rarest of wives. "I never have a headache" the problem is more he does have a headache. AS far as affairs, people handle those in different ways. There is no set way to handle that. My husband and I are not perfect as far as that goes. We have been married for 20years, but we both had our days early on in our marriage and worked that out. That has been buried in the past a long time ago. Now, for this past weekend,,,to beec...the book is working great. He asked me to do things this weekend. And I must say we had a good weekend. When he went to work Sunday morning he asked me to ride with him and then we went to town and came backand did things together at the house. Instead , of me inside him outside. Again, thanks for everyone of you. Eventhough, I don't agree with all of your opinions they do give me insight of what I need to explore.

beec, yes you are right, I know that now that is part of what I need to do to turn things around like we talked about, get more involved in the one thing he is interested in. In fact, I just volunteered to go home and help him work on one of his tractors when I get off work. I am trying "agree, agree" thanks again you are real helpful

yes he is working 7 days a week it is the nature of the job. It is farming time here in Texas and he regulates the water to the feilds..I know this is the way it works. For I am 40 and lived this all my life, my dad did it, my brother did it and now he does it. No time for another woman, but he is burned out and I dont know how to help,,and he will not let me in to help

DN We have little time alone. He works alot. I kidnapped him one night last fall, took him to a hotel for a quiet evening, he got called out I stayed alone. He had a long weekend in Sept. so I made plans for a little road trip. That did not turn out well, was not terrible, just not great. He is a John deere antique tractor fanatic, so I planned for us to go to a tractor/car show (l love mustangs). We could not leave until Sat. morning and be back Sun. night. Friday night was football, which he hates, but there was what if my son got hurt and we werent there. Saturday went ok, but, I had a hard time with being interested in the tractors, and he knew that, thinking back I know he has always wanted to put more interest in that kind of stuff. Then we stayed too long there and were late getting to the hot air balloons, which I wanted to see. the weather was not right by then so we saw no flights. I blamed him for being selfish about his tractors. And of course, he never really left work he called all weekend and checked on things. And now he tells me all this when he is not allowed to take time off until Aug. or Sept, he works seven days a week.

You are all right on the reason a man leaves or a woman leaves. It is always the assumption that one or the other has someone else. I have been asked that by everyone I have talked to. And he has been asked that by everyone he has talked to. I believe he is in some kind of a mid life crisis, he is 43, but he is always been so level headed I never expected it from him. We had our oldest son graduate last year, and moved out in Jan. he of course is not fully off our pocket book yet. I don't know could it be he has empty nest syndrome, all I have ever heard is how women go through that. Our other son graduates next year. He confuses me, with his back and forth. I am the type to not drag things out lets do it, get it over with if that is what you want to do. Of course, after 20 years, a house, kids, half of your life spent with one person just rushing it through to get it over with is a little hard. As far as me going away without him, yes I have several times. As far as I know there has never been a problem with it. He is a work aholic (sorry that is spelled wrong) he has never been any where with out me. Except work. could it be that he needs to go off and do something? Could that help? Where I am right now is he has decided to stay the next year until our son graduates and then we will see from there. I will be honest, we both come from divorced families, and neither of us ever wanted our kids to go through this. I want to keep my family and my home and a place for the boys to bring the grandkids. I want this because I love them all including my husband. Just need to find out if I can stop this from getting worse. I know that men do this without another woman. But , I also know years later they regret it end up alone. I dont want that for him. He is not close to the boys, thereforeeee their time and whom ever they spend their lives with will be with me. I live him I don't want him to be alone. I have taken a hard blow to my ego when he said he does not love me. But, I am willing to swallow my pride and try to find a way to make things work. If I can't then I can hold my head up knowing I gave my marriage my best shot.

Sonjam, Thanks for the insight, I feel the same way about an affair. But, believe me I have tried to find out, he will not talk about it. He just replies no. And the logical part of me believes him, because I know he is acting out of character for himself but he has always been real honest. And the not so logical part of me wants it to be someone else so at least I would have answers. I guess what I am saying is rejection is hard enough to swallow after 20years. But if you don't have a reason why it is harder. A reason why no matter how terrible helps bring closure. So at this point if it is another woman, bring it on, lets get you to the place you will be happy so I can start to be happy.

I am confused as you are I have no idea why he needs to leave or doesn't love me he does but he is the type of man to never tell. I keep thinking if I try to just let things alone it will get better. But, I am the type I feel hurt and getting pissed off at the way he is treating me,,but I still have a son to think of.

This is new to me, but after a month of this I need some advice. My husband walked in on March 15th, after I got back from taking my mother to the doctor, we had just found out she had cancer, and said I dont love you I am leaving. I was shoked and hurt and out of control. He left, we talked that night on the phone, then he came home the next morning. He left again the following Monday, he stayed gone for three nights, after my presistance and calling and begging he came home. I tried for about 3 weeks doing what ever he said was the problem trying to make things right. Until one day I could not take it anymore. I told him if he did not want ot be here then he needed to leave. He came in and said again I do not love you and I want to go. I agreed he is still here. He said he changed his mind until my son graduates next year, maybe his feelings will change, this has been another week, of course touching me is out of the question. He stays away more and more. He finds extra work not to come home. After 20 years of marriage I want to stay married, but not at the expense of my dignity. Please give me something, I am out of ideas. I just feel helpless.