Do I Return My Girlfriend's Key Or Not?

[girltalkCA]

My girlfriend of 9 months is letting me stay with her while my air conditioner is being fixed. She gave me a key to her place so I can come and go freely. Do I return the key once I return to my place? Would that come across as hurtful or rude? Or do I just keep it?

[bluecastle]

Forgive me if this comes across wrong, but you seem to ask questions here about your relationship without really wanting answers or advice. Or maybe you don't want people to pry a little deeper—to take note of the anxiety bubbling at the edges—but to just focus on the nitty-gritty.

 

To that end: you do with the key whatever you want. You don't live together, but are together. They key is just a little piece of metal that works in her front door, not a symbol of anything. This is a win-win, not a mountain to climb or chasm to fall into.

 

When you have something you'd like to discuss, generally, it's better to do so than to make assumptions in your mind. Keeps things steady.

[BecxyRex]

Definitely give it back. She’ll let you know then if she wants you to keep it, but it’s better than assuming.

[HeartGoesOn]

I have a feeling this is less about returning her key, and more about other issues. Either way and for what it's worth, I hope you find your way.

[mustlovedogs]

Definitely give it back. She’ll let you know then if she wants you to keep it, but it’s better than assuming.

 

This x 100.

 

Her feelings won’t get hurt. If she wants you to have it, she’ll tell you.

[melancholy123]

Just ask her if she wants it back.

[Cherylyn]

Return the key. No, it would not come across as hurtful and rude. The key is not your property, therefore, it belongs to your girlfriend. No, don't just keep it. The key is not yours.

[RedDress]

Ok... can I be a little blunt for a second?

 

Between this thread and the last, it seems to me that you are excited about the relationship and you are seeing this whole time together as a «trial « live-in situation. That’s why you are reading into all of her actions, wondering if you should give the key back, etc.

 

... but you also mentioned that you are there under the pretense of your air conditioner being broken...

 

(Out of curiosity - have you called the repair person? Why is it taking so long? Have you tried others? Or thought about buying a fan?)

 

Usually the «next step» in a relationship is something that is mutually agreed upon, when both people are ready, with no pressure applied. You really shouldn’t want anything less? That’s how you know they really want to be there.

 

This situation feels kind of forced to me. Just putting myself in her shoes... if any of my friends, family, or certainly a lover needed a place to stay for a bit for whatever reason, I would oblige. And of course they would get a key if they are staying with me. I’m not sure how it could work any other way. But in no way does that imply that I would be ready for them to move in permanently. And it wouldn’t say anything about my feelings for them. Not ready can just mean not ready.

 

For all those reasons, yes, I think you should give the key back. It wasn’t given because she generally wants you to have a key. It was given because you're in a bind and need a place to stay.

 

I kind of feel that what you are doing is unfair? I think you should stop analyzing her, give her the key back and move back home - thanking her for her generous hospitality. You’ve kind of put her on the spot.

 

If you want to explore the possibility of moving in together or taking steps in your relationship, you should ask for that freely and honestly - from back at your place - and allow her the space and freedom of deciding what’s right for her, on the timeline she desires, with no expectations or pressure.

 

Right now I feel like you are forcing it all... and in your other post you mentioned she thought you were a bit clingy... I mean... I feel what you are doing is clingy.

 

... just saying...

[Hollyj]

How long does it take to get this thing repaired? I would think a couple of days.

[Wiseman2]

Ask her, 'do you want this back?' Let her decide, it's her key, her place, etc. Also try not to slowly move in using the "stay creeping" method (a night becomes a weekend, a weekend becomes a week, a week becomes a month, then your stuff starts populating the place etc.)

 

If she wants you to move in she'll ask. If she wants you to have a key, she'll offer that. Right now she is responding to your a/c situation so don't wear out your welcome. Get your a/c fixed. If she wants you to have a key, she'll have one made for you. If she wants you to move in she'll specifically ask you.

 

Try not to assume anything, particularly this early on and do not take advantage of her hospitality for this long. She may already be wondering why you don't get a fan, window a/c, etc or pay for your a/c to be fixed. Are you giving her money toward her bills?

She gave me a key to her place so I can come and go freely. Do I return the key once I return to my place? Would that come across as hurtful or rude?