Jibralta

I watched Black Swan for the first time last weekend. It was very, very good, but also very intense. A very interesting horror movie. I googled about it and learned that the director, Darren Aronofsky, considers it a 'companion piece' to The Wrestler. So, of course, I want to watch The Wrestler now... but I'm a little scared lol. I roped Arnold into watching Black Swan with me this past Friday in preparation for watching The Wrestler. I covered my eyes and ears during the scary parts 😅 I'm a little afraid of what The Wrestler holds in store. But I hear it is a good movie, so I'm willing to take the risk.

Well, to be fair I wasn't really looking for a relationship. I didn't even begin to settle down until I was in my mid 30s. But--despite all of the attentive behavior--nobody seemed to actually care about what I wanted 🤣 It was really all about what they wanted. So, I had very little compunction about cashing in on that. I was quite mercenary. 😉 I didn't feel like I needed to be saved, or like I needed help getting out of a car, or stepping down from a ledge or anything like that. I liked to do those things by myself. Not wanting unnecessary assistance doesn't mean I prefer dangerous animals to nice people. I just prefer people who see me for what I am, respect my feelings, and who don't have ulterior motives. My husband was direct about what he wanted and literally told me, "I am courting you." And it was great.

It's an interesting question to me because courtship was an idea that always annoyed me when I was growing up. I hated when guys would try to open my door for me, or help me up or down from somewhere or something. Hated it. I found it ridiculous and embarrassing. Worst of all, people didn't understand my embarrassment and urged me to feel flattered instead. But of course, I didn't. As an illustration of how intensely I disliked the courtship behavior, I give you this anecdote: On a camping trip to Lake Placid in my early 20s, we visited a cliff where we could jump off into the lake below. The cliff was probably 25 feet above the water. Some of the people I was with had jumped off of this cliff every summer since they were children. They jumped right in. But it was my first time there, and I hesitated. One of the guys who had jumped off, a police officer, looked up from the water and saw me hesitating. He called up to me, "I'll jump off with you!" I watched in horror as he ran up the steep, rocky slope to 'save' me, and as he drew near--just so he couldn't save me--I jumped off the cliff by myself. Yes, that day I learned that I'd rather risk my own life than be 'saved.' When I was in my early 30s, I came across this haiku poem online that summed up my feelings quite well: My macho boyfriend Runs to open my car door Are my arms broken? But not long after that, my attitude changed! I'm not sure why. I think I was finally tired. I was certainly done with dating losers. So, when my now-husband came along and blatantly courted me, I was a much more docile and gracious recipient.

In my experience, guys who asked me very personal questions and shared very personal details about their own lives--early on--were generally trouble. The "very personal" topics included past relationships, family dynamics, abusive situations, and (of course) sex. Basically the visceral stuff, the things you generally don't talk about with people on an everyday basis because the topics tend to be heavy and burdensome. But stuff that you do want to talk about. Having an attractive person to share your most intimate thoughts and experiences with is alluring. But I found that when it came so early in the relationship, it was a false sense of intimacy. After a couple unpleasant experiences, I learned to recognize that seemingly pleasant situation as a red flag. I think some probing questions are 'normal.' For example, I think that "what are you looking for in a relationship" is a pragmatic question that I would be happy to answer. It's better to be on the same page from day one, and not find out two years down the line that your partner wants kids when you don't. Personally, I think that "what is your vision of a romantic relationship" is a weird question to ask, and it would put me off.

Awesome. People really hate him since he bought twitter. That says a lot. Nope. A million dollars is not what it used to be here.

Watch out. You can seriously injure someone with those.

I agree. I know it sucks, but this is your way out. This means the relationship is not important to him. Bottom line. Translation: He feels better because he got some sex. Now that he knows he can still have sex with you outside of the relationship, he'll stop by when he wants more. You have to protect your heart because he's not going to. He is all about him. I am sorry that you feel hurt, but he is not a good partner. You will just feel even more hurt if you let this go on.

I manifested two free drinks at a club the other night. Then I almost got bounced out of the club for accidentally busting into the VIP area while attempting to exit the building. That part was a little stressful. So was the free drink part, actually. A bunch of us were out that night celebrating my friend's 50th birthday. I don't usually frequent clubs--none of us do these days lol--but her birthday coincided with a freestyle show at a well-known local venue. Freestyle music seems to be nostalgic for everyone around here, no matter what walk of life, no matter what kind(s) of music people usually listen to. So we dragged our old asses out for a late night. I had three drinks while I was there. The first time I went to the bar to get a drink, I noticed that the bartenders were expert at avoided eye contact. They also seemed to notice men before they noticed women, so I asked Arnold to stand there with me. Sure enough, the girl ‘noticed’ him and took his order, which was actually my order. Arnold was holding cash in his hand, but the bartender swiftly brought over the credit card machine. He tapped his card rather than prolong the issue. When I went for my second drink, I decided to try my chances without Arnold. I brought his card, since that was how the bartender had us pay the first time. As I stood watching the bartender avoid eye contact with literally everyone waiting at the bar, a guy sidled up behind me on my left, and waived a folded $5 bill over my shoulder. My first thought was, “He’s never buying a drink for $5.” My second was, “I hope he doesn’t think he’s getting served before me.” I turned to him and made it clear that I was still waiting to be served (yo, buddy. I was here first). He was apologetic and polite. He seemed drunk but had very minty breath (probably proof he was drunk!). Mr. Minty and I commiserated a bit over waiting, and how there’s a fine line between getting someone’s attention and being rude. He then asked me what I was drinking, and I that moment of oh no, this is awkward. I could see my friend's possessive husband looking right at us from the mezzanine and I felt annoyed. I turned to Mr. Minty and said, “I’m actually getting two drinks.” I actually was planning to get two drinks, mainly because of the awful wait. But it turned out to be an excellent way to sidestep the Let Me Buy You a Drink situation without actually turning the guy down. We could continue to stand there together without any awkwardness. Finally, the bartender came to take Mr. Minty's order (unsurprisingly!) and he directed her to me (thank you, good sir). I ordered my two drinks. She served them up and rang up my order on the credit card machine. But she didn’t bring the machine over so that I could tap my card. Mr. Minty urged me to take my drinks and leave, but I didn’t want to create that situation. So, I continued to wait. Suddenly, I saw that the bartender had taken the card reader to someone that was standing on the other side of Mr. Minty. I didn’t see the person, I just saw the card swipe on my $30 charge. I started to say something, but before anything could come out, the bartender typed a grey goose drink into the machine and a new charge for $39 popped up. She slid the machine towards me and I said, “I’m not paying that. It’s not my drink.” I don’t know if she heard me or what, but—once again—a person that was standing on the other side of Mr. Minty took care of the bill. I don’t know if it was the same person or not. All I saw was a hand with cash stick out. The bartender took the cash and I gave up trying to pay. The next day, I ran across this video on YouTube. That's when I realized that I'd somehow manifested those two free drinks. 😂

I wouldn't be surprised if they've gotten that down to a science by now.

Wow, it requires so much thought! 😂

Wow, crazy!

Shocking! I can't believe it.

I know a lady like this. She's from China and lives here in the US, working as an aesthetician. I've known her for a couple of years. She only recently told me that she has a 17 year old daughter back in China. She works here to support her. I did get the impression that the arrangement was not unusual to her. When I first read this, I was like, what? But actually, knowing more, I can how someone in her circumstance can become that distracted. You know, sometimes people think marriage will solve the issues in their relationship. Nothing solves 'issues' but working them out.

More than you?