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Jibralta last won the day on June 20

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  • Birthday 11/17/1977

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  1. Take your time about it. Think about it while the two of you are together, but don't do anything. When you are apart, take steps to be more independent. Deviate from the rules a little (but in a way that won't hurt her). That will help you to create space and separate yourself.
  2. No. It is called lack of respect for other people's boundaries. "Boundary Issues," for short. Run for the hills.
  3. Not really - Oh, ok. Well, I think you (bbogdanov) react before you think. No, it definitely doesn't mean that you're like that in every situation. There are just certain situations that trigger you. I think living together triggered you, and perhaps trust issues trigger you as well. Right. It happens to all of us one time or another. When people get triggered like this, we temporarily lose our usual sense of perspective about whatever situation we are in. So, we typically overreact or underreact. Sometimes, we realize that our reaction was inappropriate while the situation is happening. Sometimes we realize afterwards. And sometimes, we never realize it. Not being aware is the worst, because the reaction can't be changed. I'm sure you can think of a person (or people) who fit into one or more of these categories. You can get better at it over time, if you remain aware and consistently make an effort to moderate your response. Therapy also helps. Eventually, the triggers can fade. Yes, it seems that now, you are doing more things right than wrong. She may be patient, or she may not even be aware. Sometimes people have compatible personality traits, and share similar triggers. So, there's an automatic simpatico (that's not always healthy, by the way).
  4. For the love of god, DON'T get past it. No mentally-healthy living thing with the smallest sense of self-preservation should be able to get past something like that. Just want to reiterate and emphasize:
  5. I think she means that you react before you think.
  6. Yes it did actually feel like projection in the moment. Specifically the “because I make it so you’re not lonely” claim. I’m not trying to completely suppress that though, but I’m trying to suppress it enough that I don’t blurt it out as an accusation in the middle of a serious conversation. Yeah, these are such odd things to accuse somebody of:
  7. Yes. It sounds funny, but the relationship itself should actually be functional and do work. It's a support system.
  8. Maybe he just lacks emotional strength or depth. He reminds me of a friend/former coworker of mine, Joe. That whole rabbit nest situation really reminds me of him. There's a lack of empathy or understanding there.
  9. Next time, don't dismiss your gut feelings. Despite what he said to you, you were getting "cold vibes" from him. I also suggest re-reading your journal a couple of times, once you feel up to it. The signs were there; you either didn't trust yourself or you didn't want to believe it.
  10. It's only been two months. I know you've heard this a million times, but these things take time to get past. You will get past it, though. I think it would help you A LOT to purge all of those shared things of yours, and close up that apartment. Be systematic about it.
  11. Not a bad way of looking at it, actually. That really is what you're doing: hurting yourself.
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