Cherylyn

Like you, I too have nostalgic feelings of past good times with some people in my life. Unfortunately, people change due to life's harsh circumstances, whom they meet, marry, have a family with, it could be poor health, financial struggles, character defects, relationship woes and it runs the gamut. You don't recognize the same person anymore because they've changed drastically like night and day. Sometimes they exhibit a Jekkyl 'n Hyde personality or they've become so tainted and worldly beyond your comprehension. There are times when you realize the kindest cut is to cut them off in order for you to live your life in peace. This is your way of enforcing healthy boundaries for yourself. Life is full of regrets. It's worse to have regrets due to hanging onto friendships which are abnormal, toxic, abusive and dysfunctional. No sense being with people whom you're not happy with. Normal people don't give you lots of stress. Be with those who know how to treat you with respect, harmony, empathy, graciousness, kindness, consideration and all virtues you hold dear. Everyone else doesn't matter and they're nothing but a waste of your precious time, energy and resources. 😒 Been there, done that.

Always pay attention to your instincts because it is there for a reason. Your intuition tells you when it's dangerous to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't ring true. Whenever there are red flags about a person, this message to you is to beware. Trouble is brewing should you continue interacting with an abnormal, unstable person. Trust? That ship has sailed. 🚢 ☹️👎

Lying is a real permanent deal breaker. ☹️ You'll never be able to trust him. 👎

@Pink26 Join the club. I'm a DIL (daughter-in-law), wife and mother of sons. Even though my stories are not the same as yours, believe me, I feel for you because I'm in the same boat. Due to bad situations and reasons, relationships are strained to estranged on both sides of the family tree including extended family members and in-laws. Some are good people whereas others both male and female are street urchins dug up from the gutter. 😒 I'll chime in with others. You can't control other people. The only person you can control in a mentally healthy way is to enforce your own boundaries with people whom you do not respect nor admire. Simply bow out. Other people can socialize or intermingle. They will circumnavigate you. Loyalty? Save that for the movies and storybooks. Like you, I've become bitter and resentful due to lack of an alliance but there's nothing I can do about it. I'll stay home, get my chores done, declutter, clean, get organized and take a long hot bubble bath. If I'm in the mood, I'll watch a movie, read library books, work on my hobbies or I'll take a glorious nap! 😴 💤 In fact, I kick my heels with giddiness whenever everyone else knocks themselves out while I get to relax at home sweet home. Look at this break from a different lens and angle. Use situations to your benefit and advantage. Turn everything to your favor. 👍 😉 You can't fight it so take your own route and find joy in it. With certain enabling extended family members and in-laws, there is a safe, frosty, cool distance between them and me. Sure, I'm polite should our paths cross but not to be confused with chumminess. We're not close and it works. Everyone should live their own lives in peace. Despite remaining local, we rarely see one another throughout the year and it's wonderful. 🤗 Perhaps we might see each other at weddings and funerals if that. If I'm with some unavoidable relatives and in-laws, we're civil. Thankfully, our encounters are quite infrequent. I just get the awkwardness over with. I'm polite yet less than an acquaintance. It works. Then after that, we all go our separate ways and I get to go home. There is a way to behave while keeping your cool. 😐 Remember, you can't control what others do but you can create your own safe and protected space. No one can take away your right to govern your own life and preferences. Empower yourself. Your strength, resilience and healthy control will overtake you. Once you're clearheaded about this, they will no longer get under your skin because you'll rise above it. Go your own way.

I feel for you. I don't enjoy being an afterthought or second choice either. It's happened to me as well. 🙄There are several ways to go about this. Be a good sport, have a good time, know you're a substitute yet remain gracious and well mannered. You might even consider feeling grateful that you were thought of at all even though you weren't first choice. Or, you could politely decline and prefer to be with a friend who prioritizes you over those who are in standby mode. 🤨 It all depends on your attitude. Either go and mind your manners all the while or quietly sulk at home. To me, it really depends on the person. If the person is kind, I'll go. If I don't know the person well and I couldn't care less about this person, I prefer to stay home.

Texting, emails, messages, voicemails and even phone chat overload leads to burnout. It's bound to happen sooner or later. Keep rapport (or friendships / relationships) fresh by creating some mystique which is very attractive. Too much familiarity breeds contempt. ☹️

Give each other a break from constant texting. Space is good. This prevents texting from growing stale,

Yes, people whom I know still receive phone calls. OP, @shelby6811, whenever people start dumping their _______ on you all over again, check your phone for voicemails, texts, emails and look disinterested. 🙄Interrupt the talker and tell them you need to return calls, reply to work related matters or interrupt them with irrelevant questions. As they dump on you, interrupt them while they're speaking. Talk over them. Sooner or later, they'll grow frustrated with you to the point of moving onto someone who will actually give them an ear. 👂 Make your ear 👂 unavailable to them. They'll take your hint and get your message loud and clear. 😉 😋

I am perceived as very empathetic, very nice and well mannered. Unfortunately, I attract people who sense that I'm an easy target. For a while, I made myself vulnerable to their zeroing in on me. ☹️ I used a new tactic of mine. I began interrupting them with different subjects which was totally off their topic. They despised taking detours as I manipulated their conversation with me. After repetitive interruptions, they took a hint and no longer dumped their _______ in my direction. I put an end to it. 😉 👍 People love good listeners and when you fail to give them what they want, they move onto their next sucker. 🥴

Stick to your values and wait. I waited until I was married. It is an unpopular mindset nowadays but it doesn't matter. Never go with the crowd just because it's the majority. Don't bother him anymore. He has made it very clear that he has since moved on as should you. Since he's not interested in his belongings, either donate or discard his stuff. Should he contact you, let him know you've already attempted to return his stuff to no avail. It's his loss. There's no spark. He most likely wanted sex and since he didn't get it, he'll seek sex elsewhere.

Since they're your colleagues, it's different than other more avoidable people in society. Look disinterested, change the subject, circle back to work related topics, get distracted, answer phone calls, interrupt them due to your urgent matters, excuse yourself to use the restroom, etc. I've also learned that a very good tactic is to interrupt them during their mid-sentence since most people despite getting interrupted or talking over them. After awhile, they'll learn to avoid you and stop dumping their ______ all over you. 😉

Radiology program. Better job security. 🙂 👍

The problem with blurting out so-called stupid comments is that it's really not stupid at all. It's what he really thinks. 😒 The only difference is that after his apology, he'll guard his words better in the future but it's still hurtful for you just the same. The problem with a "mouth problem" is that once anyone says or writes something offensive, they can't take it back. Sure, apologies are nice to hear but the seed of distrust had been implanted within the deep recesses of your brain. You'll never forget it. Your negative memory of him is permanent. His character is what you need to pay attention to. It's only a matter of time before he'll "accidentally" blurt another disrespectful and very rude comment to you again. Either wait for it to happen yet again or exit the relationship and be with a person who treats you with respect.

Even though my story is not the same as yours, usually reconciliation expectations include efforts to make amends, remorse, verbally saying sincere apologies and genuine change for the better now and in the future. Talk is cheap unless there's action to back it up meaning real change and improvement in behavior. Reconciliation requires very mature adult conversations to clear the air, both parties truly listening with zero distractions and the desire to resume the relationship (or friendship) with concerted efforts put forth. Reconciliation requires tremendous amounts of humility. What did it look like? Reconciliation includes healthy conversations without interrupting, being great listeners, desire to resolve issues and taking baby steps. Communication is key. Empathy is a must. Trust takes a long time to rebuild. I've been very bitter and resentful regarding the past. However, if the perpetrator humbly apologizes, I will accept "I'm sorry for . . ." My former frostiness begins to thaw. It is rare though. Most people are in denial mode, couldn't care less how you feel and they'll never apologize in a million years. You're expected to move on and play "nice" while knowing there's high risk of offensive and abusive history repeating itself. If you're one of the lucky few to experience emotional intelligence from those who've wronged you sorely, consider yourself very fortunate. Good times and wonderful memories are often reminisced. However, never allow nostalgia to cloud your judgment. Never allow your emotions to cancel your realistic common sense. Be practical. Use your mind.🫢 I see good in a lot of people. However, it's those bad memories which will cause you to look at the facts. Most of the time, if you allow certain people back into your life, there is a strong possibility for the relationship to go awry again. I can be soft on people, take them back and then I'm sorry I did because the breakup or estrangement occurred for a reason. There were personality and character differences which can never be overlooked. There was huge lack of empathy which was the deal breaker. Also, it depends if you really want reconciliation. Often times, years have since passed, you've carved a new life for yourself, grew accustomed to your freedom and significantly reduced your stress. I generally err on the side of caution. If people are red flags or they gave me a very painful, negative and extremely stressful experience, I tend to be very risk adverse. I don't take yet another chance of getting hurt again. I've gambled in the past and lost badly. ☹️It's not worth experiencing pain all over again IMHO. Once bitten, twice shy. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. 😒

How would I react? I wouldn't react to him. In my mind, I wouldn't date him anymore. A roving eye is not fine with me. 😒 Continue being very picky and choosy. I am and it paid off. I'm very happily married to an honorable man who knows how to behave with integrity. This is the type of man worth waiting for. Never settle for less.