I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (32M) for 5 months. We met on a dating app. We are both dating with the intention of getting married and we both are very slow people, so we decided from the very beginning that we will hold off physical intimacy ( I am the no sex before marriage girl) and we will remain platonic until it comes naturally. He said he was fine and respected my boundary; just asked me to give him signals when I am ready for any intimacy.
Despite the lack of physical intimacy, we instantly hit it off. Since we both work very long hours everyday, we usually just text 1-2x to check up on each other throughout the week and catch up on the weekend. We also work overtime on the weekend, but we always try to spend one day every weekend together to get to know each other. All our values and hobbies align.
The last time we met, we initiated physical intimacy by cuddling and kissing. He had a physiological reaction and we almost had sex until I stopped it from happening. Before we separated that day, we both discussed how we felt about the experience. We both agreed that it feels good and correct. We both thought that it's the most comfortable we have felt with any other people we've met. We even discussed starting a family and being with each other forever. He even invited me to a party the following weekend to meet his colleagues.
Then, he sent me a text at the end of next week saying our relationship will not work out because he feels no spark between us. What is this spark? I am pretty sure the spark was there at the beginning because that is why we spent so much time together. And as we passed the honeymoon phase, I just assumed the spark transformed into a slow growing love.
I am just very confused by his decision and cannot figure out what went wrong that made the spark so important now. Why hasn't he mentioned this before at all? On the same day I received the text, I messaged back telling him I need him to tell me in a serious conversation what is wrong, even if it's ending it. I asked to schedule a FaceTime call with him. He left me on delivered and never replied. The same night, I sent him a letter expressing my feelings and asked how he wants me to return his stuffs. It has been 6 days and he still left me on delivered and never read my messages. I just don't know how to read into his silence because I know where he lives, so I can totally go and return his belongings. What does his silence mean?
I feel like he is an anxious avoidant partner (his parents were emotionally unavailable) because throughout our relationship, he will pull back each time when we make milestone in our relationship. He would tell me he needs some space to think about us so he would not sabotage our relationship. He did share thoughts of breaking up with me when we first labeled us as a LTR and he was very stressed out from his work projects. I always assured him that everything will be alright as long as we communicate our needs and concerns. He always expressed understanding and slowly started to open up to me about everything in his life. Nothing was abnormal the month prior to him sending the message.
I just feel so blindsided because we did not even have a conflict beforehand. There were absolutely no signs in our most recent conversation and we even made promises to each other about the future. Since I am in grad school and finals are coming up, I have not reached out at all again. I was thinking I will go NC for a month and once I am done with finals I will reach out again to ask if he wants to keep trying and reignite the spark we used to have.
However, I decided to check his dating profile on the app we met, I saw that he updated his profile and he never even bothered to unmatch me. My emotional and mental health are not taking this move from him very well. I don't know what I to do now and I am completely shattered. I really want to see if we can work this out because we have a genuine connection.
Is it stupid to reach out again at this point? I always just thought he needs some space to think about us. Is he moving on already? Can we ever get the spark back?
Any advice will be appreciated!
