LootieTootie

When you start getting way too emotionally invested in a FWB, you need to leave the situation ship for your own sanity and emotional wellbeing. If you were married to your husband for 26 years, that means this was like 20+ years ago when you were in college and in your prime. Also in college, theres no shortage of horn dogs so its not hard to get laid. I just feel like you're making excuses for this FWB. He isn't in to you like you are in to him. Thats ok. Just means if you want a relationship and not a situationship, this isn't the guy you want to emotionally invest in or put any effort in to. You need to be directing your energy somewhere else that is worthy of your time.

Wanting to watch someone run is not love, man. Also it appears that when the guy couldn't make it into town, she probably thought "oh inlove wants me more! he wins this round" - this - everything about it, is not love from her. It's an ego trip for her. I'm sorry you're not thinking straight and you might just be a hopeless romantic but this chick is just using you for her own ego trip. I still stand by what I said... there are people who love being fought over. It makes them feel desirable and validates them because underneath it all, they are insecure and troubled. If I was in your shoes, I would really ask myself if everything she has put me thru is love? Once you know your answer, hopefully you can accept it and either decide to start fresh with her and kick her to the curb.

Sounds like he does a lot of gaslighting but it also sounds like you guys aren't listening to each other. He is clearly telling you that you guys arent bf/gf and you're saying "we are" and he's saying he doesn't love you and you're hurt about it because you think he should be by now?? Clearly you both are not on the same page because you both aren't communicating properly. If someone tells you "no we arent bf and gf" then believe them when they say it. To not believe it, is to be disrespectful and in denial. Which doesn't serve anyone, especially this relationship. I'm not sure how old you both are, but you both sound pretty young.

I'm sorry you had to see that but I truly believe that when someone shows us who they really are, you believe it and you don't look back. There's no point of asking whys/ifs because in the end, it doesn't matter. You can't change the past and you can't change someone. All you can do is focus on you and your wellbeing. Please don't let a miserable person tarnish who you are and your choices. This person should have no control of you.

Yes amen, BC. Poorlittlefish, if violent sex/dirty talk is not your cup of tea, you need to walk away now. This is his thing. It's what gets him off and there are some people who are into that, BDSM. Obviously not you. This is a new relationship, so the sooner you cut the cord the better.

Sex... And maybe sugar mommy.

I get the vibe that he is a flirt-player but thats based on what I am reading about him. It's fine if others have a different read. I totally understand how you're feeling Kim. If someone said they would confirm with you, you shouldn't have to confirm with him. Especially if someone is in to you, they would never treat you as an after thought.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this and in another country! I totally think you need to try and take your daughter and just run.

Yea if he's a looker - possibly a flirt-player type of guy. Boo that he treated you as a afterthought, but now you know. Did you find any of his co-workers fun or easy to connect with?

I once met a fortune teller and the OP's posts eerily reminds me of the fortune teller's sales pitch to me. Lots of "empath" "energies" "sensitive" buzz words. I hate to break it to you, Shelby. But you arent special. You just don't know how to be direct or tactful to get people not to overshare with you. We ALL can be intuitive, sensitive, empathetic and "feel energy" or whatever you want to call it... if we tap/choose to be. These qualities/traits are not assigned to special group of people. And this whole "I absorb so much" - just sounds like a lot of overload on self-absorption to me.

The health care field make a lot of $$$ where I'm at, so both options are good. Honestly, I don't really know much about the health care field but I've read your posts and you always came off level-headed, smart and empathetic so I think whatever you choose, any field would be lucky to have you.

Oh yea, it was the no sex. I am not sure how experienced you are with dating/men but when a man gets a hard on during a hot steamy make out, and you shut it down before it gets to 4th base - blue balls. He probably did some thinking after and realized he couldn't keep waiting for sex when he could get it somewhere else. Fortunately, you sound like a busy gal and being busy helps getting over a break up. Stay busy, and don't ruminate. He made his decision, respect his decision by accepting it and moving forward.

Some people love being wanted by multiple people... Even if she claims she doesn't, its selfish and hurtful to the other parties. I'm glad you came to senses and decided this isn't for you.

Well if it makes you feel any better, my husband loves Scarlett Johansson and even he knows not to leer or be obvious. He will probably keep doing lots of quick glances 😁 We have been together for a long time so we do point out an attractive woman to each other if the woman is stunning. Our stunners are always classy-dressed looking women! Not the type of women Jaunty described lol. Sometimes I even point out an attractive man to my husband and he just says "Tell me if he has a pretty female with him and I will look." LOL

First I think we have to be open-minded that not every job we land is gonna be a good fit. And if its not a good fit, its ok to move on. Both parties will survive. Secondly, I don't think its a bad idea if you pitched your ideas. However I will warn you, be ready, you might not like the answer you get. I only say this from my experience. Out of the dozens of bosses I have worked for, I think only 1 has ever said yes to my idea. Well she actually said "Do the research, determine the feasibility and if economically feasible, draft a plan how we would implement this." (I think her intention was to get me to be quiet and not bug her ever again about how archaic our billing was). And I did - on top of my standard work duties! I know I was doing all this after work hours and during weekends. I did not want to flounder this opportunity when a Boss actually didnt say No to my ideas. I loved it. So because of her, as a boss, I now pay it forward. I want to hear what my staff has to say when it comes to making x and y more efficient, more streamlined, more productive. I am opened to feedback, and have imcorporated some of staff's input in some of our processes. So who knows? Your boss might be willing to hear you out and actually apply some of your suggestions.