Unmasking the Risks: The Behaviors That Most Shape Your Relationship's Future

We all believe that we can control our own destinies and by extension, our relationships. We don't like to be reminded of those nasty emotional factors that still reign supreme over us and the ones we love. Unfortunately, though, the hard truth is that behaviors still shape the future of our relationships. A recent study identified and quantified six categories of deal-breaker behaviors that make someone less likely to stay within a relationship – namely being uncaring, trying to control their partner, or mistreating their children. As uncomfortable or even painful as it may be, coming to terms with these risks is crucial for being able to build and maintain positive, healthy relationships.

We all long for companionship, for that mutual recognition of one another’s humanity, for true comfort in the company of someone else. Most of us convince ourselves that if we take certain actions, like showing kindness, we can craft any type of relationship to our liking. But feelings, although powerful, are not enough. You must also consider the behaviors that are most likely to shape the fate of your relationship. This can be so difficult because we desire, on some level, to ignore the potential ramifications of our behavior. To neglect the key role of behavior in both good and bad relationships. And yet ignoring this issue is like playing Russian roulette with our hearts and souls.

At times like this, it's not always easy to move beyond our own stubbornness and reliance on autonomy. But it is important to realize just how essential an understanding of behavior is when it comes to maintaining a good relationship. If left unchecked, the issue of behavior can poison even the most passionate partnership. So how do we identify what sorts of behaviors are risky and which can strengthen a lasting connection?

As suggests the aforementioned study, being uncaring to your partner, trying to control them, or mistreating their children are some of the riskiest behaviors. What this means is that when you really care about that special someone, you pay attention to the details. It’s true, feelings may carry more weight, but oftentimes small acts of kindness or genuine understanding are just as, if not more, invaluable. Being mindful of the words you use, the messages your body language sends, the little ways you show appreciation for the other person, being able to listen and respect their views, being able to listen to their needs—all of this combines to build an emotional cylinder of strength. Conversely, disregarding what could be called “emotional intelligence” opens Pandora’s box, harboring behaviors that can trigger even the strongest of relationships and diminish a couple’s “togetherness.”

Similarly, we tend to think that trying to control our partner is a major show of commitment, but it could actually be a red flag. When the power imbalance is so great that it distorts a relationship, it can lead to anger, resentment and make communication nearly impossible. Regardless of intention, it can be a sign that you don't trust your partner and that you would rather jumpstart the process of decision-making than share it equitably. This is a behavior that deserves direct and focused attention until it is confronted and transformed or removed from the equation.

As if the previous two weren’t enough, mistreating your partner’s children is yet another costly mistake. When you bring an unruly temper into the equation, it takes the spotlight away from what should define a relationship - mutual respect. No child should have to bear the brunt of irresponsible parenting decisions, and being a role model of civility means choosing respect and restraint when dealing with your partner's kids.

No matter how strongly we may want to deny it, relationship success boils down to how skillfully we interact and behave with one another. We must keep in mind that it is vital to balance the scalpel of emotion and the hammer of behavior in order to demonstrate what is most important and to create the kind of relationship we want. While making the effort to be self aware can be challenging at times, it is essential if we truly want to unlock the cosmic potential of our connections, forming unions that crumble only when we decide they should.