Staring Down a Breakup - Advice and Support for Moving Forward

Nothing breaks our hearts or shatters our ego like a breakup. Whether it was a loving and mutual decision to part ways or an abrupt and unexpected one, the hurt and confusion that lingers in the aftermath can feel like a complex puzzle with no easy solution. For those struggling with the consequences of a recent parting of ways and dealing with the emotions left behind – particularly if the ex-partner has moved on quickly – the situation may seem overwhelming and the path forward hard to grasp.

For many, the recovery process begins with taking time to really process the experience, understanding what happened and identifying the range of feelings that arose throughout the relationship and its conclusion. Some may need to take a step back and conquer the more nebulous aspects of the what-happened-why cycle before they can move forward. Depending on the individual situation and nature of the breakup, it can also be beneficial to use a range of resources to find sources of support, such as talking to family, friends, a therapist or even a life coach. Adopting coping strategies tailored to one’s own individual needs can make all the difference in working through the hurt and turmoil – from writing in a journal, to creative outlets such as art, to breaking a sweat during physical activity.

When trying to decipher the actions of an ex-er, the capacity to empathize may lead to a better understanding of their motivations. It is important when doing so, however, to keep in mind the need to steer away from blame and criticism; seeking out others who embody the spirit of neutrality and unconditional support will prove especially helpful in this regard. Examining events objectively and honestly can help chase away the shadows of confusion and foster a more balanced point of view.

Many pain points are a natural outcome of every breakup, and it’s increasingly important to recognize this and look out for signs of discontent. From comfort eating to staying glued to the phone, these unconscious behaviors can sabotage rather than incentivize the process of self-discovery. Without allowing themselves the necessary space to heal and rethink what went wrong, those going through breakups likewise run the risk of getting derailed in the murky depths of unhealthy cycles like repeating patterns of grief, bereavement and pain.

Fortunately, forgetting the past can pave the way for building a stronger, wiser future. Choosing to focus on the good things in life, as well as on opportunities to grow and be part of positive and meaningful activities, can lift the veil of hopelessness and reignite passions and loves. Equally important is being gentle to oneself, accepting the heartaches and challenges that breakups invariably bring to the surface. It’s ok not to be ok; what matters is to never forget that the only way out is to press on and strive for better days.

When dealing with breakups and their accompanying feelings, it is essential to remember that each individual is unique and experiences this process in different ways. The ability to trust one’s intuition is key in finding what works best for each individual and learning to thrive in spite of the pain. With adequate support and guidance, along with personal initiatives to take a step outside one’s comfort zone in search of contentment, the path forward can be illuminated. What may at first appear bleak and despondent may turn out to become a time of transformation and realignment, if we’re willing to look past the sea of sorrow and just fill our sails with the winds of hope and optimism.

Despite feeling confused or hurt by our ex, we can choose to repair the broken pieces of our heart and speed up the healing process. Here’s to better days ahead!