Jumping Through Hoops: How to Forge Ahead After an Intense Breakup

A relationship may bring with it an immense amount of joy and companionship, filling the life of two people with hope and glee. However, an eventual dissolution of a relationship can feel like a death, leaving a considerable wound in place that may take great effort and intent to repair. It is one of the most heartbreaking moments of life—full of suffering and conflicted emotions. This kind of soul-wrenching sadness can cause the affected person to remain immobilized, unable to go on forward.

Breakups can vary significantly depending on the dynamics of the relationship, but when it ends especially painfully, it can be hard to know how to move ahead. In such a turbulent time, when you may not be able to see past the ends of your fingers, rest assured that clarity and focus will return soon enough. Here are some ways to let go of an intense ex-partner and begin the process of healing.

Allow the Feelings

For those who have experienced a particularly dramatic ending to a relationship, the process of healing and resuming your regular life can seem impossible. In truth, the journey out of such darkness is long, but not unachievable. When starting such a journey, allow yourself to grieve, letting out all of the emotions as they come. It may feel like a never-ending rollercoaster, but take comfort in letting go of the suppressed pain, while allowing yourself to calmly accept the fact that things have dissolved. Practice kindness and self-care as you work through the process.

It’s important, however, to find a balance of proper expression and not becoming embroiled in the project of wallowing. Don't give into depression—feel the feelings of woe, but accept that the feelings shall pass and that each day brings a chance for hopefulness and healing.

Seek Closure

Closing the door on a formerly dear relationship is essential, but it needn't be done suddenly or quickly. A significant portion of this process will depend on what kind of relationship was shared. If it ended because of good intentions and mutual respect, it can be easier to end without animosity. Seek closure with your ex-partner, if possible; talk freely and calmly until both parties can look forward instead of backwards. Many relationships end without receiving proper closure—but if the opportunity presents itself, try to engage in civil conversation with the clear understanding that it's the end. Doing so allows the couple to part on good terms and honor the connection between them.

Look Ahead

Although it's natural to feel weak and broken after a relationship is lost, it's equally important to remember that life moves on and there's always something around the corner. The challenge is that it can be difficult to stay hopeful and think about this bright future when still under the weight of sorrow. As difficult as it may seem, focus on the practical tasks of everyday life. This can include anything from making lunch to cleaning the house or going to work. Performing daily activities keeps the heart and mind busy, allowing time for inner healing and helping to refocus on future goals and optimistic daydreams.

Find Support

When trying to rise up from such a tough event, it's valuable to find others who can support you through the progress. Talented counselors and psychologists can work wonders, offering solid practices and ideas to help you gain strength and build the bridge towards a more joyous life. Seek out professional help and connect with loved ones and reliable friends. Even just having someone to listen—without judgment—can make a noticeable difference.

Reconstruct Yourself

The pain left behind after a tumultuous breakup can create a sense of lost identity and low self-worth. Self-pity and confusion can muddle thinking, causing the individual to forget that life doesn't need to be defined by broken relationships. To arrive at a place of clarity and recapture who you were prior to the pain, make conscious efforts to better yourself, in whatever way best resonates with you. Refresh your wardrobe and physical appearance, set new goals, explore the inner depths of your spirituality, learn a skill, pick up a new hobby, or even begin volunteer work. No matter what interests you, jump back into life and discover your passions anew.

Reconnect

Finally, reconnect with loved ones and those who can lend a compassionate ear. Rekindle old friendships and values. Talk openly, genuinely, and truthfully with your friends, family, and confidants; their presence will not only remind you of more blissful times before the breakup, but also help you move forward, free from feeling trapped by expectations, hurt, and regret.

Breakups can be difficult no matter the circumstances, and especially so when a complex relationship ends in a confusing state. Moving on may not seem feasible and the lure of living in the past comforting—but take courage in knowing that healing through a tough loss is possible. Allow the feelings, seek closure, look ahead and find support, reconnect, and explore new facets of yourself. Through these paths, you will eventually free yourself from the ties of an intense breakup and look forward to what lies ahead.