How Do I Know If I Should Break Up With My Boyfriend?

Dear eNotAlone: It's been three years since I started dating my current boyfriend, and now I feel completely unsure about our relationship. He's always been a nice guy and thoughtful, but over the past year things just haven't been working between us. Lately, he seems distant and preoccupied with other things, and I don't feel like I'm getting his full attention.

I'm not sure what to do. Do I stay in the relationship and hope things will improve, or do I break up with him? It would be so hard to end things, but I'm not sure we have a future together. How do I know if I should keep investing in the relationship or move on?

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The decision of whether or not to remain in a relationship can be an incredibly difficult one to make, especially when you've already invested considerable emotional energy into the relationship. When it comes down to it, there are no "right" or "wrong" answers per se; instead, it's important to consider the qualities of your relationship as a whole and think deeply about which answer is right for you.

At the heart of this decision is the very real possibility that your feelings may have changed. Understanding the reasons why you are feeling uncertain and exploring the underlying cause of these feelings can offer some much-needed clarity. Is it becauseyou feel that your needs are not being met within the relationship? Or because your expectations of the relationship have shifted in some way? No matter what the case may be, having an honest dialogue with yourself and/or your partner can help to ensure that you are both on the same page about your relationship and its future.

On top of having an honest dialogue with yourself, it is also important to understand exactly what staying in the relationship would mean for you. Are you prepared to navigate any challenges that the relationship may bring in the future? If you choose to commit to the relationship, it is essential to create a plan for how you will move forward together. Clarifying your goals and expectations for the relationship and commitment to making progress are both critical components of formulating a plan. Taking the time to evaluate your relationship and determine how best to move forward can make all the difference in creating a healthy, sustainable bond.

Only you can decide what's right for you and your relationship. But no matter what you ultimately decide, it is important to take care of yourself emotionally and physically. And more importantly, don't forget that it is possible to process the decision without feeling guilty, sad, or angry.