Friends or Enemies? The Trouble With An Ex As A Friend

Do you want to know if having an ex as a friend is a good idea? There are risks and benefits associated with this decision. It's not something to take lightly – and there are certain steps you should take before giving the go-ahead.

The first thing to understand is that the situation is delicately balanced between love and hatred. When a relationship ends, it's natural for feelings of animosity to come to the surface. If a friendship follows, these resentments can linger underneath the surface, brewing and festering until it's too late. On the other hand, if handled correctly, an ex can become one of your closest confidantes.

It's also important to recognise the power balance between yourself and your ex. Did you break up on your own terms? Do they still harbour some grudge or hurt over the end of the relationship? Going into a rekindled friendship without considering how the other feels could lead to sour relations.

Be honest with yourself. Are you really ready to go back down that path with someone who broke your heart? Do you really want them in your life? Or is it simply that you feel obligated to be friendly? If you're feeling ambivalent, take stock of your feelings before you make a move.

If your intentions are sincere, then it's worth remembering that boundaries are key. Don't allow them to monopolise your time, energy and attention. They don't have to be the only person you talk to about everything, even if it seems like the most natural thing to do when reconnecting.

Your boundaries may also extend to situations such as parties or events where both of you will be present. Be conscious of the dynamic and language used between you. Subtle things such as using each others first names instead of nicknames can help to draw a line and redefine the relationship.

Being around an ex comes with a set of dos and don'ts. Don't let things get too personal. This could involve avoiding, or at least moderating, conversations about previous partners. You should also be wary about taking trips together or planning regular group outings. This could blur the lines of your relationship which are already fragile.

Don't also expect this to happen overnight. Adding someone from an old relationship to your new circle can be difficult and awkward. Declining requests to catch up in the initial days after reconnecting is perfectly acceptable.

Perhaps the most important thing to bear in mind is that it's ok if things don't work out. Just like any friendship, it takes work and communication to maintain a strong bond. If it isn't meant to be and you decide to pull back rather than forcing it, that's ok.

To conclude, having an ex as a friend can be beneficial, but it's not without complications. Before taking the plunge, ensure that you're doing this for the right reasons and that both of you are on the same page. Enabling a friendship to grow requires respect, understanding and clear limitations.