breaking up and mind games

Ok here is my story me and my ex were together four months we were living together and engaged. (Yes I know I rushed it) Anyways we started fighting a lot over stupid stuff. All he would do is sleep thirteen hours a day and not help me with any of the house work stuff. I have two kids and a full time college student so a little help now and then would be nice. The fighting got so out of hand I packed a couple of bags and went and stayed at my parents this was may 30th.

a week after we broke up he sent me a text telling me he loves me and was thinking about getting back with me and all he thinks about is me. He changes his mind a few days later and doesn't want to make it work ok. A week after we go out to dinner and he wants to make it work out. The next day he changes his mind agian. Finally last weekend I got the uhaul and got all my things out of the apartment.

On monday he sent me a text saying he loves me and that I do not know how much he wants to be with me, but he doesn't know what is for the best anymore, and that he loves me and will talk to me later. Four days later he was telling me that he was done doesn't want to be with me wants me out of his life and hates me. So he told me to come down and sign off on the lease I did that. I am just tired of the head games I have no clue? advice please!

You did the right thing moving out. Anyone this indecisive has to be a real pain in the butt to live with. He needs to sort himself out and figure out what he wants. You deserve peace in your life and you won't get it with someone like this. Dont go back, dont talk to him.

You did the right thing moving out. Anyone this indecisive has to be a real pain in the butt to live with. He needs to sort himself out and figure out what he wants. You deserve peace in your life and you won't get it with someone like this. Dont go back, dont talk to him.

He already has moved on he is already back on dating sites looking for someone new to date. It disgusts me and proves that he was never serious about him and I.

He already has moved on he is already back on dating sites looking for someone new to date. It disgusts me and proves that he was never serious about him and I.

And that's your cue to put this behind you permanently and never give him a second thought.

Cut all contact on social media and move on.

Clinton I am trying to move on but it is easier said than done. I think if he didn't play mind games and was just honest from the beginning it would be much easier. He really used love like it was a light switch. I just don't get how you can love someone one day and not the next.

Because it isn't love. Love has deep roots in trust and compassion.

You had an infatuation ---- fueled by moving in together much too fast (especially with kids involved) and an engagement.

It was all fantasy.

mhowe: I know what you mean. I think we were both infatuated with each other. I truly think he doesn't know what he wants though, because one day he tells me he loves me and wants to be with me then he says he doesn't. I just don't get how love can be turned on like a switch. The fact he is already looking for a girlfriend is gross rebounds never work out.

Because infatuation is not love ----- it is the idea of love. It isn't real and it burns brightly and dies.

so infatuation can include shutting your feelings off and on

well, sometime rebounds work out, but rarely. I don't think it's fair to assume there was no love involved. sounds like he needs to grow up, and being on the dating site is looking for a life-preserver. sounds like he can't handle his emotions very well.

sorry to say, but cut your loss and run. sounds like he needs help.

IB: Infatuation is a sort of emotional incontinence.

so infatuation can include shutting your feelings off and on

Yes, because the feelings have no roots or foundation.

ghostgirl: I really feel like there was no love. He is very hateful towards me and plays mind games if you love someone or ever really did you don't play head games. I am sure rebounds can work sometimes but its rare. Also jumping right into a relationship never works either. What do you mean a life-preserver?

moving on so quickly nothing is going to last

moving on so quickly nothing is going to last

Moving in together and getting engaged so fast wasn't go to last either.

Moving in together and getting engaged so fast wasn't go to last either.

oh I know it was a mistake. But at least I tried to make it work, I even suggested try going to relationship counseling. I learned my lesson this time that I should not rush things. He has not learned his lesson he is already looking for someone else.

oh I know it was a mistake. But at least I tried to make it work, I even suggested try going to relationship counseling. I learned my lesson this time that I should not rush things. He has not learned his lesson he is already looking for someone else.

I suspect he will continue doing this for years to come. It isn't any of your concern any longer.

I suspect he will continue doing this for years to come. It isn't any of your concern any longer.

continue doing it for years? why you say that?

Moving quickly from relationship to relationship. He enjoys the new beginnings --- he is addicted to the infatuation stage.

Moving quickly from relationship to relationship. He enjoys the new beginnings --- he is addicted to the infatuation stage.

What your saying totally makes sense. When we first got together he was such a wonderful guy, he would buy me flowers just because. One time in the snow he even drove all the way on his motorcycle to get me flowers. When he asked me to marry him he spelled it out in rose petals on the bed. He was an awesome guy. But once he suckered me in and had me the sweetest stopped and he stopped putting in zero effort. He seems to fall in love quickly but it also fizzles out quickly.

What mhowe said is right on. It wa nothing but infatuation and fantasy. Me and my ex were together for four month about to hit that five mark point and she broke up with me outta nowhere and got with someone else. We rushed also and when you do that you miss little things about the person even certain red flags. It was good with us for about a month or two and then the constant fighting started and even though I was willing to do anything for her to stay she grew fed up so she bounced onto someone else. That isn't love because if you love someone you are willing to work through the hard times to get back to the good times because you never want to lose that person through all their flaws. But hes on dating sites now so best to cut your loses now and move on. He's prob having trouble dating so he reverts back to you, something familiar.

There were warning signs that I refused to see. I agree with you on that. Like you I was willing to do anything to make it work, he was not he wanted to give up and find someone else. Yes eventually I knew he would move on but I didn't think it was going to literally be over night. I don't think ever rushing into a relationship works out but whatever floats his boat. I would rather fix something that is broken then go back into the dating scene its not very fun.

ghostgirl: I really feel like there was no love. He is very hateful towards me and plays mind games if you love someone or ever really did you don't play head games. I am sure rebounds can work sometimes but its rare. Also jumping right into a relationship never works either. What do you mean a life-preserver?

what I mean by a life preserver is someone who feels like they're drowning in pain will grab on to whatever helps them through the sea of pain. on this forum, it is suggested that a person in pain uses this place as a life preserver. for some people, though, that role is played by some poor unfortunate person that gets sucked into the abyss along with the person who is in pain. and keep in mind, he may not love anyone, at least not in any healthy capacity, and that begins first and foremost with himself.

Curious as to the timing of his previous relationship and ending before meeting you?

My guess it was a fast track and rebound as well?

If so, be thankful you found this all out now.

Curious as to the timing of his previous relationship and ending before meeting you?

My guess it was a fast track and rebound as well?

 

If so, be thankful you found this all out now.

I am not really sure how long he was broken up with his ex before me. All I know is that he was married for 10 months and got divorced.