Making Time for one another

Hi there.

So my long distance girlfriend has been studying for her hospital residency exams for the past 7 months. These have been extremely hard on her. She's been getting up at 7.30am and getting back at 10-11pm most nights.

I was aware that it was going to be difficult so I was very patient. We talked very little, but we did manage to talk. Whenever she went out with her study friends she'd take some time off to talk to me, or when she got home.

In the last month her behaviour towards me changed (although her schedule did not). She stopped giving me any of her free time. During her free time she went out to the cinema with her friends, had drinks with them etc. I think it's great. It's really important to have such a close and social group in these tough times and I can't really be there for her, making it even more of a necessity.

But she rarely talked to me.

In the past 35 days we must have talked a total of about 15 minutes.

Her exam was yesterday and the day before she and her study buddies took the day off in order to refresh and relax before the exam. On her day off she told me she was going to go out with friends and that she would call me when she was walking back home. Well her sister and her sister's boyfriend drove her back home and she told me on Watsapp that she didn't want to talk (not even 2 minutes!)

This had been a regular reoccurrence this month and I didn't think it right. I am doing everything to be the most supportive long distance relation and she was basically rejecting me.

So about a week ago, knowing that it is a stressful time, I very kindly pointed it out to her.

She told me I was right and apologised profusely. I thought that was the end of the thing and that we were going to go back to normal, but NO.

It was as if we NEVER had the conversation. I confronted her again and this time she said that I was right, but that I just had to give her these last few days. She felt a special connection with her friends because they are all in a situation that no one else understands (I get that) and that she was just living some extreme emotions at the moment.

Now I'm hurt and angry because she knows she's hurting me, she knows she's in the wrong and yet she keeps doing it, after all the hard work I had been doing. The worst part is I couldn't confront her about it, because her exam was so close and I didn't want to ruin her vibe for her exam, because after all I love her and want her to do well in her career. Normally we always talk these things out as it's much healthier for the relationship.

I know she's not cheating, because she would have told me (long story but I know 100% that she would tell me).

I feel betrayed, abandoned and rejected. She has partied all night in celebration with the study friends (obviously and logically), and now I'm feeling jealous for some odd reason. I used to be the kind of boyfriend who was irrationally jealous about everything and it took me years to get it under control, knowing that it was irrational.

How and when do I approach her? She's leaving tomorrow to come see me, but this talk is digging in my chest. I'm angry at her, and I want to share this anger with her so we can talk it out and so that I can relax once more. The way I see it, she knew she could have been better, she knew she was hurting me and yet she didn't do anything about it and worse, didn't care.

It's so uncharacteristic of her, it really is. Normally she is extremely caring and loving.

Please, some tips, advice?

I don't know about you, but for one, I'm not a fan of LDR's unless a plan of re-uniting is in store.

As far as LDR's, do you think it's even a relationship at this point? 15 minutes of talking in a month...I talk more to telemarketers a month than you do with your girlfriend. I'd consider if this arrangement is making you happy.

Secondly, I'd definitely talk to her. Maybe she's losing feelings or its the stress from the exam? If you have a good thing going perhaps it's worth communicating and figuring it out. But blah, I am not jealous of your LDR

Her exam was yesterday

Let her catch her breath, as this was a huge milestone.

This obviously doesn't seem like a relationship, you want to talk to her and she doesn't want/cant talk to you. It's clear that you aren't happy. I think you confront her and let her know your feelings and be upfront about your unhappiness. If she isn't willing to make an effort to talk to you, this is not the relationship for you. It would be best to move on and find someone to communicate with.

Just ask yourself if you feel good with her and you feel stress less and all your stress release then you should understand you love her truly if not then dnt stretch this relation long their is no meaning.