Why does he send me text's just to hurt me now?

Good morning!

My x-boyfriend and I were together for a little more than a year. We had a great year! Together all of the time and a very loving relationship. So I gave him the old where is this going? He told me he wanted us to be exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend for another 3 or 4 years until his daughter and my daughter go off to college. He's never been married. That he needed more time to move in together or get engaged. Of course, I said I want more out of our relationship and it drove us to break up two months ago. He then told me he was mentally and physically over me. That many of his friends said he could do better than me. I am a very attractive and successful woman and just couldn't believe his comments and that he felt the need to say it to me.

I did not contact him for a month and now he keeps sending me hurtful text. He used to always call me and now all of a sudden he just sends text. Today at 8:30 am he sent me a text that a couple he knows just got engaged last night. Then he stated I need better quality friends and that he was attending his country clubs holiday party tonight. He didn't say it but obviously with a date. I just text'd back have a lovely evening and I wish the newly engaged couple well. He didn't respond. His text last week stated that I never listen. That it always has to be my way.

Why does he want to hurt me now with stupid text? Should I just ignore the text from now on? I would love to work things out with him, but I have pride and his text are not heading in that direction.

What should I do???

Who cares what he says, it's over. Just block his texts and phone calls.

Are you kidding!

Where is your self respect! This man is sending mean and hurtful texts and you want to work things out????? You've seen how ugly he can get when he doesn't get his way. Why in the world would you want someone like this????????????

Block him, and learn to love yourself!

Are you kidding!

 

Where is your self respect! This man is sending mean and hurtful texts and you want to work things out????? You've seen how ugly he can get when he doesn't get his way. Why in the world would you want someone like this????????????

 

Block him, and learn to love yourself!

I am just trying to figure out if he is trying to make me jealous or is he getting off on trying to hurt me. This behavior is so not like him. I am thinking maybe he is not handling the break up well. Maybe just wishful thinking though.

Stop replying.

I dont really understand why you pushed for more when he already said he wanted to spend his life with you when his daughter went to college? I think that was a mistake and he is deeply angry and hurt by what has happened. Hence his coldness towards you.

Stop replying.

 

I dont really understand why you pushed for more when he already said he wanted to spend his life with you when his daughter went to college? I think that was a mistake and he is deeply angry and hurt by what has happened. Hence his coldness towards you.

I felt like I needed to move on rather than wait 3 or 4 years for a true commitment. I wanted more out of the relationship now. He was fine with boyfriend/girlfriend and I want more. How many women would settle for maybe in 3 or 4 years??? And that's not a sure thing. It hurts, but I thought he would come back with lets meet in the middle or something. Oh well....I agree ignore and just move on........

My best guess is that you hurt him one way or another...probably unintentionally. The only way he knows how to deal with it is to try and hurt you back. It also probably means he still has feelings for you, because if he didn't he would not bother contacting you.

Just about everyone on here will tell you to block him , don't have any contact with him whatsoever. I on the other hand believe if you want something badly , it is worth fighting for.

If you want him , call him out on his bull and see where it goes.

I felt like I needed to move on rather than wait 3 or 4 years for a true commitment. I wanted more out of the relationship now. He was fine with boyfriend/girlfriend and I want more. How many women would settle for maybe in 3 or 4 years??? And that's not a sure thing. It hurts, but I thought he would come back with lets meet in the middle or something. Oh well....I agree ignore and just move on........

I agree that 3 or 4 years is pushing it but on the other hand a year isn't very long to make such a massive commitment, esp when it involves children. Surely there was a compromise to be made?

My best guess is that you hurt him one way or another...probably unintentionally. The only way he knows how to deal with it is to try and hurt you back. It also probably means he still has feelings for you, because if he didn't he would not bother contacting you.

 

Just about everyone on here will tell you to block him , don't have any contact with him whatsoever. I on the other hand believe if you want something badly , it is worth fighting for.

 

If you want him , call him out on his bull and see where it goes.

I thought about calling him and having a heart to heart talk. But, I have come so far with no contact for a month and now he is sending text..although they are not nice. I am trying to keep my darn pride. Can you imagine if I say I miss you and want to try to work this out and he says even more hurtful things back??? I am waiting for him to make a move. Don't you agree? If he misses me and still loves me than he should make an attempt. He's the one that did tell me he is physically and mentally over me after we broke up.

I thought about calling him and having a heart to heart talk. But, I have come so far with no contact for a month and now he is sending text..although they are not nice. I am trying to keep my darn pride. Can you imagine if I say I miss you and want to try to work this out and he says even more hurtful things back??? I am waiting for him to make a move. Don't you agree? If he misses me and still loves me than he should make an attempt. He's the one that did tell me he is physically and mentally over me after we broke up.

Nobody has the perfect answer. You are certainly making your emotions vulnerable and opening yourself up to more hurt if you " go for it ". On the other hand if you ignore him , will he eventually stop texting you and assume you have moved on?

If his true colors are him being a mean spirited person then he probably isn't worth the effort , however something tells me he is just trying to hurt you because he doesn't know how to properly deal with whatever feelings he is having.

I know I am in the minority here, but I believe it things can work out in this situation. It appears to me you have two willing participants that don't dare to tell one another how they truly feel.

You are the one who broke up with him. It is your choice to swallow your.pride and.tall him it was a rash decision. If someone needs to move off square one...it isn't him.

I am just trying to figure out if he is trying to make me jealous or is he getting off on trying to hurt me. This behavior is so not like him. I am thinking maybe he is not handling the break up well. Maybe just wishful thinking though.

The fact that he would even go there, shows who he really is.

Also, he is has put you off by not making more of a commitment, these aren't young kids. He's making excuses.

Abitabove, I think you answered the text perfectly. Next time he texts you, I'd reply similarly - never, ever respond in a negative way, no matter what he says. If he appears angry, ask him if there's something he'd like to talk about (invite discourse, be open to hearing his thoughts and feelings - ask him why he said that, practice empathy, not judgment). He's hurt (and saying hurtful things) because it sounds like he wants the same thing you do, but not in the same time frame.

Think of it this way…you both have kids and teenagers aren't easy, no matter what - they're selfish, stubborn, caught between childhood and adulthood. While they aren't young, blending families is hard. I've never seen it happen without pain. I actually think waiting for the kids to be off to college would be a good, healthy move for both of you. By waiting to co-habitate the two of you would have an opportunity to enjoy a "honeymoon" stage.

What is three or four years in the grand scheme of things when you love someone? After all, he didn't say "never". He said, "yes! Let's wait until it's mostly just you and me". So much pressure. You, basically, told him "now or never".

I recommend you read Al Turtle's website from beginning to end. Best relationship website ever. link removed

Good luck, girl.

And, of course his friends told him he could do better. They're trying to help him deal with the pain and give him hope in moving on. Saying "oh, damn…that's too bad. You'll never get anyone as attractive or intelligent as Abitabove," would be crushing on top of the pain of losing you. He didn't have to repeat it, but then, he's wounded.

You: Why does he send me text's just to hurt me now?

Me: Because you haven't blocked him and apparently still contact him.

Block the texts already. He's being a spiteful little boy and now you know he's an (expletive) so yeah you dodged a massive bullet there before he started the verbal and possible future physical abuse.

Block, block, block, ignore, ignore, ignore. Delete, delete, delete, murmur to yourself, "psycho, psycho, psycho."

Seriously, what an a**hat that one turned out to be. And a control freak too since he's so clearly upset that you didn't let him dictate you waiting on him. I think what you're seeing now is him no longer bother to wear the mask of "niceness" he had before when he thought he had control of you. Because only a total douche says the things he says to you, period.

Whether he's trying to make you jealous or just trying to be hurtful, are either of these good things? Do they show good intent/regard for your feelings? Are either of them conducive to a meaningful reunion between the two of you? Do they tell you he loves you? Or is it a way of trying to regain control?

I wouldn't reward those kind of messages with any kind of response.

Whether he's trying to make you jealous or just trying to be hurtful, are either of these good things? Do they show good intent/regard for your feelings? Are either of them conducive to a meaningful reunion between the two of you? Do they tell you he loves you? Or is it a way of trying to regain control?

 

I wouldn't reward those kind of messages with any kind of response.

See.....this is exactly why I just answer back nicely and go on with dating others. If he wanted to work things out he should be saying I miss you, he would call not text, he would want to meet to discuss. All I get are negative text messages. The more time goes on the more I think it was best to ask exactly where is this relationship headed? I am in the process of trying to meet a guy that will commit to the near future with me not 3 or 4 years down the road. I think his behavior shows it would have ultimately ended this way eventually and I just saved myself a year or two. It hurts, but in time the right guy will come along. In fact, I have a date next week with a guy that is awesome that I would not have met if I stayed in this dead end relationship. Everyone says give a guy a year...that's enough time to decide if there is a future. So that's what I did.

An ex of mine started out sending abusive texts post breakup: "You'll come back, you always do," name-calling and stuff. They gradually metamorphasised over the following months into "When are you coming back?" and ultimately "Please come back! I miss you!". Bah.

It's tricky. I guess the man sets the pace when it comes to commitment, and I've watched numerous friends of mine going through struggles where the guy's been dragging his feet (and sometimes that's no bad thing - sometimes we do jump in a bit quickly). What you say did cross my mind when I read your first post though. What if you did get 3-4 years down the line and he just moved the goal posts? He seems to have enjoyed the element of control and is trying to get it back again. I don't think this has the makings for a happy relationship - trying to make you jealous/hurt you with texts is beyond childish. I'd move on.

Having said that, with regard to what you say above.... I do run into things headlong and some of my choices haven't been too smart. I think a year is a good amount of time to get to know someone but that would depend how much you were seeing each other/the circumstances surrounding it (I don't think you really see a person's true colours until they're faced with adversity). Marry in haste, repent at leisure. It doesn't sound like you'd be having too good a time a few years down the line if you'd married this one.

Well...he continued to text me over the weekend with odd comments about football, etc. He sent me a text Saturday night at 10 pm saying that we had been broken up now for 8 weeks and would I please take all pictures of him and I off my facebook page. We had de-friended each other off facebook a month ago. I guess he was stalking my page and saw I still had a couple pictures left on there. I said I would in the morning. He was down right rude. Said yes get them off or I will contact facebook to get them off, but he wanted to give me the chance first. The next morning I told him I still loved him and cared about him and he said well he was very happy with his new girlfriend and would never date me again. He then went on to say how 10 of his friends said I have an ugly face. He then texted 6 physical items that made me unattractive, my nose is too big, I am too short, my smile is not nice in pictures, my hair could be nicer and I could have better skin. He texted me a picture of his current girlfriend saying she is so much hotter than you. So...needless to say we got into a heated battle and I will never speak to him again. It was all about control and him wanting to hurt me. What a sad ending.........

Hi thanks for sharing your story. It's something that I can relate actually.

I dated this guy LDR for two years. He was on probation when we met and therefore he cant move in with me right away. I wont go into full detail as I've already shared that here. I wanted to have a family and have a baby even- but then he kept making promises and excuses --he said it doesn't make sense to go into full planning because his probation wasn't up at that time yet. But then when his probation ended ---I put that pressure on him and focused more on the issue of starting a family. He cant live my lifestyle. I get up everyday and go to work and as normal people you plan your future. unfortunately he is incapable of that. So finally he told me one day- he cant be a father to a new born --he is too old. Long story short--- he's giving me a lot of BS. Now mind you I am 36 and he is gonna be 40. Like you, I am attractive and has a job and this he is a complete loser. But we women??? we nurture and we love and when we love we tend to give our all and hopes and dreams and all that good stuff that can f@@@cked us over at the end of the day.

Oh well what did I do? I blocked him on fb and on my phone. Because he wont stop me calling me and the nice and then 2 seconds later the nasty txts. According to him I gave him an ultimatum that's why he let me go. But he didn't wanna let me go. You know what I call that? selfish act --- I haven't heard from for a month after the breakup. But then of course he got a hold of me from this called app called tango? I've deleted that app but I managed to reopened It and there it was all his I love you and I miss you messages. I broke down and had a meltdown. We talked and you know what he told me? I am not human, I am terrible for just disappearing like that. I have no heart --how can I say I love him months ago and turn cold turkey on him...so needless to say that didn't go very well. Now I am feeling sad again and for letting him get into me like that. But I am trying to be okay with it and move forward. I deleted all my social media that I belong to until i'll be okay again. Such a horrible feeling because you'd think that finally they get a hold of you- they'll finally say, the things that you wanna hear..but no...they focus more on how selfish we are--why we gotta ruin something good..good what??? good for them not for us and or for the relationship for that matter. Bottom line, him sending you that txt--that's him being soooo manipulative. He wants to hurt you, don't give in and take control of your life. There are two kinds of pains...pain that makes us stronger and the pain that only brings us sufferings.... sooo there you have it my friend. You and I we can do that together.

Sorry, for the long reply.

Block the texts already. He's being a spiteful little boy and now you know he's an (expletive) so yeah you dodged a massive bullet there before he started the verbal and possible future physical abuse.

 

Block, block, block, ignore, ignore, ignore. Delete, delete, delete, murmur to yourself, "psycho, psycho, psycho."

 

Seriously, what an a**hat that one turned out to be. And a control freak too since he's so clearly upset that you didn't let him dictate you waiting on him. I think what you're seeing now is him no longer bother to wear the mask of "niceness" he had before when he thought he had control of you. Because only a total douche says the things he says to you, period.

Thanks for your reply...ParisPaulette...Need to hear that too today.