Dumped via text, no chance to talk, ignored and blocked on facebook. HELP PLS !!

Hey, so just a heads up this will be a long one, but i really need some help!!!

Me and my GF had our 10 months last sunday, and everything was fine. We are both 19, and everyone always said we were the perfect couple. We even admitted it to, and everything was fine. Fast forward to now i have nothing, and am alone. Well I'll give you background first, me and my girlfriend always agreed that we would never see opposite sex 1 v 1, and if we were asked we would tell eachother. While she upheld her side, i did not and i saw this girl who is my friend occasionally at uni and outside. I never told her, and I think she grew sus because she would see me text her and hide it (as you do) and then i had her party on sunday which i said i wouldnt go to, but when i suggested going she said "you really want to go out on our 10 months?". I didnt go. Tuesday morning we are laying in bed and i say if i can see her facebook inboxes she can see mine, so we swap. I didnt really look at hers, but she briefly scrolled through mine, saw that girl and clicked on it. She scrolled through a bit and saw we sent eachother a selfie, then i think saw that i had planned to meet up with her. She instantly said why are you sending selfies to her, before asking if i had ever met up with her. I declined and denied it over and over, so she lay down and didnt speak. we then ended up hugging and having sex, and i thought it was gonna be okay, but before she left for work she seemed angry and i was saying can we fix this before she goes but she left, and said she would text me.

She then texted me saying, did you see her? I kept denying she kept saying im full of lies and that lies ruin relationships. and she also said that she always turned down seeing guys for me.

She ignored me for the rest of the day, ignored my calls. Until at night i said i would come over and she said she wont be home, she then asked when i planned to see her next and i said wednesday. Which was true. She then never said anything despite my constant reassurances that i want to fix it that im sorry and that i love her. Wednesday morning i send her a goodmorning text, while she sends me one saying in brief "i broke her trust, went behind her back and was seeing that girl while we were both happy, that she never did anything wrong, that she doesnt wanna be one of those girls who go back to heads, that i ruined something so special and perfect and she was happy she didnt ruin it, that she cant talk to me because im full of lies and stupid excuses. She then said finally "we were perfect and now i have to move on". She deleted all our photos on fb after, which really hurt. I sent texts and fb messages after, before finally in the afternoon coming clean.

I said over fb,that i really wanted to say this in person but i cant now. And i basically admitted that i lied and i did meet up with her at uni and outside uni once,and that i knew it was wrong and im sorry and i was so scared to say anything and that i love her and we can fix this. And ill do whatever it takes to fix it. after i sent that she read it then blocked me on fb.

Now it all happened so suddenly i think she might just said it out of anger, but what can i do if she doesnt say anything to me? should i go to her house? i spoke to her sister and she just said "get ed". I spoke to her friends and they said they agree we should both talk, only her friends would help me. Im scared if i go to her house she wont be there or her parents wont let me talk to her. Is there any chance of this ever working?

PLS HELP THANKYOU SO MUCH !!!

The two of you had an agreement in which you broke, withheld information and then lied over and over about it

She on the other hand upheld the agreement.

You've lost her trust and she's gone. Now you want to come clean.

Is this to relieve your own discomfort or out of concern and care for her?

The concern and care should have been during the relationship, not after you lost it.

I don't know what the future holds. . She may or may not forgive you.

I hope a lesson is learned from this.

I came clean over text but i atleast want some closure in person or via the phone. I know what i did was wrong and i want to fix it. Can it be fixed?

I truly do care and love her. I think if i got the chance to see her i could fix it.

thankyou

It can't be fixed.

You had an agreement....you broke it.

Then you lied to cover it up.

Then you lied again.

Broken beyond repair.

Right now. She wants nothing to do with you. You can try again in 6 months. If you prove that your really sorry.

If within 6 months she has new boyfriend. Accept it for what it is. Respect her new life and just move on.

Maybe. Just maybe she will hear you out. You gotta give her space to cool down..

Give her 6 months..You gotta be truly sorry to get her back and be honest with her if she accepts you back.

... at least want some closure in person or via the phone. I know what i did was wrong and i want to fix it. Can it be fixed?... I think if i got the chance to see her i could fix it.

(1) YOU want closure, so contacting her is for your own good. What good does it do for her? None.

(2) Fix what? You suddenly changed your character because you've lost her? You chose to take that risk already, so now she knows what she is worth to you. There is nothing to fix.

(3) If you had the chance to see her, you could fix it... That is exactly why she will not be available to you in any context. You want to sell her on some plan to fix it, completely ignoring the fact that she doesn't want you. Take responsibility for what you did, accept that her mind is made up, and move on.

Agreed, learn your lesson dude for the next gal, this one is history and I really don't blame her, you can't lie to your gal and get away with it . You broke her heart, time to move on

I don't get why you set up this really immature rule anyway i mean just because a guy goes to see a friend that's a girl doesn't mean he's gunna do anything with her! That works vice virsa too.

The real issue here is the insecurity in the relationship and the lack of communication. I mean why are you swapping phones to look through each others Facebook messages, i mean really! Come on now that's not healthy.

Like others have said relationships are built of trust you two never had any since you set up stupid rules.

There is someone's personal life and there is the life they have with you. Whatever they do in their personal time is up to them, as long as it isn't compromising your relationships.

You need to learn you can't control people's actions only your reactions. This girl is long gone and ain't coming back. You need to learn and grow from this ready for the next girl that comes your way.

It can't be fixed.

You had an agreement....you broke it.

Then you lied to cover it up.

Then you lied again.

 

Broken beyond repair.

Agreed.

Mario you broke a rule/promise. You lied about it, covered it up.

You don't deserve closure. You getting closure is about you getting what you need/want out of the relationship...but what about her and what she's feeling? You didn't think about that did you? That's selfish.

I agree 100% with Craig.

Yes you broke a "rule" but in my eyes you two set up some unhealthy rules, and you might want to consider why the HECK anyone would ever accept such a "RULE." That's controlling...not what healthy relationships are about.

thanks everyone for your opinions. I was just wondering, do you think she acted more in the heat of the moment? I understand her perspective and have never felt so much regret

Heat of the moment?

Nope. She acted out of respect for herself and no respect for you or what your promises mean.

thanks for your opinions guys but i really feel like she just acted out of anger and that once she calms down we can fix this

Well you have two choices here you can either chase a lost cause in her and give yourself more heartache waiting for something in the majority of cases she won't come back. Or you can forgive yourself for the experience appreciate the good times and learn from it. Growing as a person into a mature adult.

The choice is up to you but you will come to the same conclusion it's just how much time and energy you want to waste.

Good luck whatever path you choose but remember this a woman never forgets never!

thanks for your opinions guys but i really feel like she just acted out of anger and that once she calms down we can fix this

 

This is insulting to her. Her anger was appropriate.

What she knows of you is plain.

She has determined, correctly, that you are unreliable.

There is nothing for you to fix, unless you fix yourself.

First, closure isn't something that's owed to you. And as I have stated over and over the concept of closure was originally a psychological exercise to say goodbye to loved ones who died unexpectedly. And the loved one wasn't present, you just did a ritual to let go and say goodbye so to speak. Not, "My ex now has to talk to me about why I hid meeting with another girl and lied about it repeatedly to her."

Closure is you knowing that if you hide and lie about something you will likely lose someone over it. There's your closure, end of story and done. And her anger is justified--you straight up lied to her. Repeatedly. These are not the actions of someone who can be trusted and many people, myself included, just won't put up with it.

The girl doesn't owe you anything, in fact it's quite the other way around. You owe her a big apology and the words, "I will leave you alone now and go think about what I did and how to never make that mistake again." And then you do just that and in the next relationship you don't do it. And if someone demands something unreasonable or that you aren't going to follow don't agree. Stand up to them and state what your terms are too. You didn't have to agree with her and then hide things, you could have just met your friend and your girlfriend together and shown her there was nothing to hide and gotten the two of them to be friends too.

I swear, people just needlessly complicate things..

thanks for your opinions guys but i really feel like she just acted out of anger and that once she calms down we can fix this

 

She didnt act out of anger. Acting out of anger would of been dumping you the moment she knew you were lying and trying to hide it after she found the proof.

 

You broke her trust, more than once. She was given a few days from Sunday to Wednesday to review what you did, think about it and make the decision to end it... It wasnt a reactional decision that she made, she had plenty of time to think about it because she made it.

 

Sorry dude, I know it hurts but, take it as a lesson learned and don't lie and break the trust of any future girlfriends.

Trust is not something you can fix easily. You lied to her and this is the result. Learn from it and move on.

not really she found out on the tuesday morning and made the decision on wednesday morning..

wow great advice thanks. So you just think i should leave her with that message and then thats it?

wow great advice thanks. So you just think i should leave her with that message and then thats it?

Shes already left you dude. Youre not leaving her at all. Learn from this. Dont pull it again, or you can expect the same result over and over with any gal you are dating.

not really she found out on the tuesday morning and made the decision on wednesday morning..

doesnt matter, she still had time to think it over.

She doesnt want to be with a liar, pretty simple. She know she deserves honesty n trust in her partner and you broke both, therefore she doesnt want to be with you.