Does money influence your feelings for someone?

Someone made a post on here that really bothered me. It was about money and they seemed to think that it gave them an advantage in the relationship because the other member of the relationship wasn't as financially set as she was. To me money and feelings for someone are two COMPLETELY different catagories and I dont think anyone should ever put themselves first because they have more money then their partner/lover. Just wondering what everyone's opinion is on this? Do you money influences your feelings for someone?

"Do you money influences your feelings for someone?"

No...it is not how much money a person has...it is how it's handled that influences my decision. I am almost 30 years old...I need to be stable and being with a whom shares my finanical sense and views is very important to me. Forclosures, bankruptcy, creditors after me, etc...due to poor money managing skills scares the heck out of me. But that's just me. It is NOT what I envision for myself or my future. I was with a guy whom was a nightmare dealing with money. I refuse to re-live that again.

I agree with kellbell on this one, it's not how much they have, or don't have, it is how they manage what they do, and that we have similar financial goals.

As an example, my boyfriend and I just bought a house last week (after some crazy searching...stupid market!). This was something we both greatly wanted, and planned for. As a result there will be some sacrifices (like no vacations this year or new bikes or fancy gifts) but it's something that we both really wanted. With someone with poor credit, debt management, that likely would not have happened.

On top of this, I am going back to school in the fall, so we are both working our budgets to allow for that - that meant buying a more affordable house so I could pay low "rent" towards the mortgage and being more wise in how we spend our money now and in the next few years when we are losing my salary.

I don't think money should be used to give you the "power" in a relationship. That is a very archaic view. Rather it should be about partnership and realizing there is "currency" other then monetary that also is valuable in a relationship.

"Do you money influences your feelings for someone?"

 

No...it is not how much money a person has...it is how it's handled that influences my decision. I am almost 30 years old...I need to be stable and being with a whom shares my finanical sense and views is very important to me.

Absolutely.

I've busted my butt to be financially secure as I can. I'm not going to put that at risk by getting involved with someone who is financially irresponsible.

Suze Orman said something along these lines -- If you don't respect your money, you won't respect the things it can buy or what your money can do for you, and ultimately that means you don't respect yourself.

Someone who respects and cares for themselves makes decisions that will lead to their basic needs being taken care of -- now and in the future. That means emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially.

"Someone who respects and cares for themselves makes decisions that will lead to their basic needs being taken care of -- now and in the future. That means emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially."

Oh my!!! Shes2Smart...I love this statement. It is soooo true!!!! Very well put.

I can appretiate that some bad circumstances happen. I have a friend whom lost everything in her divorce. Actually 2 friends. She had to file bankruptcy and start all over. Now she is remarried and is a LPN. So, yeah...stuff can happen but what matters is getting yourself together and persevering! That shows character! So it is not necessarily the money itself...shows how you deal with your own needs and when you get married...how you take care of your partner's needs too.

Yea i was hoping everyone would think that. That post i read bothered me greatly. Thanks for your opinions!

Absolutely.

 

I've busted my butt to be financially secure as I can. I'm not going to put that at risk by getting involved with someone who is financially irresponsible.

 

Suze Orman said something along these lines -- If you don't respect your money, you won't respect the things it can buy or what your money can do for you, and ultimately that means you don't respect yourself.

 

Someone who respects and cares for themselves makes decisions that will lead to their basic needs being taken care of -- now and in the future. That means emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially.

Agreed with all the posters here especially the above quote. Its not how much or how little you have but what you do with it. Its about respect and of course the things it can buy or allow you to do. It took travelling for me to really appreciate it and to learn to save. Something I always feared I couldnt do, although I am repsonsible and dont have any debt. Saving money allowed me to follow my dreams and do the things I wanted to do, it didnt buy me happiness, just allowed me to have the opportunity to find happiness and enjoyment. Even without money I am know I would find happiness anyways.

In fact...I do not know why the person in that thread said anything about having more money meant more "power." That is a ridiculous thing to say. I have more money than my ex, better assets, better credit...and it was a BURDEN!!!! I never felt so powerless in my life.

She said something about winning the money and since she broke up with her bf recently she felt like she was on top because he was poor and now she had money so he would be jealous and it made her feel good about herself or something. It made me kidna sick and I didn't agree with it at all.

She said something about winning the money and since she broke up with her bf recently she felt like she was on top because he was poor and now she had money so he would be jealous and it made her feel good about herself or something. It made me kidna sick and I didn't agree with it at all.

Yes, I read that - I think she was still hurting over the break-up even though she was the one who broke it off. Love, or broken love, can sometimes make us react in ways we would not normally.

I'm lucky to have a husband with $. I'm lucky enough to stay home and care for our daughter. What I couldn't imagine is if he used that as "power" over me. He treats me as his equal and that's so nice as many times I feel inferior because I'm not the one bringing in the $. People with a lot of money often get into this power trip... as if everyone should be envious of them. It also can change who you are, and they can become very shallow.

I dont believe money actually changes people I think it brings out what was already there. It facilitates certain behaviours and actions that a person wants to do. Kinda shows peoples true colours.

Sometimes people who have low self esteem and who have money will try to wield the fact that they have money to make themselves look/appear better to other people. They will also use money as a way to "buy" a relationship.

Some of the people who do have money are the worst in the way they treat people or in their own personality. My best friend and his bf are like that. My best friend is reasonably well off, except he is stingy to the point that he rather me drive or pay for stuff for him, than him use his own money. His bf, on the other hand, uses my best friend to support him by providing him a place to live and the bf spends all the money he makes on luxuries like nice clothes, trips, nice cars, accessories, electronics, etc. Both of them are extremely unhappy people.

Equally I have met rude people who are poor. I have had at least 3 encounters with homeless people who were very rude and offensive when I did nt "give" them money. I dont really think it changes people it just brings out the true colours of people. i think some people are nice to other because they "have" to be not because they want to be and when they get money they no longer feel the need to be nice.

True also...

I've continued to be the same since growing up poor. I love bargains, garage sales and my daughter has mostly clothes that I get at consignment stores. They look the same and you could never tell. I like to save money.

Ony difference... I no longer eat spam or ramon noodles.

 

Well I was more thinking about how people treat other people. But yeah some people continue to do the things they used to do.

"Do you money influences your feelings for someone?"

 

No...it is not how much money a person has...it is how it's handled that influences my decision. I am almost 30 years old...I need to be stable and being with a whom shares my finanical sense and views is very important to me. Forclosures, bankruptcy, creditors after me, etc...due to poor money managing skills scares the heck out of me. But that's just me. It is NOT what I envision for myself or my future. I was with a guy whom was a nightmare dealing with money. I refuse to re-live that again.

Yeah, this hit it on the head. Love is love and if it's for money, the pains and strains of a true relationship will test it dearly. It's not about having so much money, but being stable. Extra money to binge on is fine. I'll feel comfortable when I can put away towards my kids' college fund without having to sacrifice food for it, with a nice house and no debt to add. If I can wipe my butt with $100 bills without thinking about it, great. But for now, 10-ply Cottenelle will do.

Yeah, this hit it on the head. Love is love and if it's for money, the pains and strains of a true relationship will test it dearly. It's not about having so much money, but being stable. Extra money to binge on is fine. I'll feel comfortable when I can put away towards my kids' college fund without having to sacrifice food for it, with a nice house and no debt to add. If I can wipe my butt with $100 bills without thinking about it, great. But for now, 10-ply Cottenelle will do.

I can only afford 2-ply. Maybe this is why I am not married yet.

Office Depot CEO Steve Odland remembers like it was yesterday working in an upscale French restaurant in Denver.

The purple sorbet in cut glass he was serving tumbled onto the expensive white gown of an obviously rich and important woman. "I watched in slow motion ruining her dress for the evening," Odland says. "I thought I would be shot on sight."

Thirty years have passed, but Odland can't get the stain out of his mind, nor the woman's kind reaction. She was startled, regained composure and, in a reassuring voice, told the teenage Odland, "It's OK. It wasn't your fault." When she left the restaurant, she also left the future Fortune 500 CEO with a life lesson: You can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she treats the waiter.

Odland isn't the only CEO to have made this discovery. Rather, it seems to be one of those rare laws of the land that every CEO learns on the way up. It's hard to get a dozen CEOs to agree about anything, but all interviewed agree with the Waiter Rule.

They acknowledge that CEOs live in a Lake Wobegon world where every dinner or lunch partner is above average in their deference. How others treat the CEO says nothing, they say. But how others treat the waiter is like a magical window into the soul.

And beware of anyone who pulls out the power card to say something like, "I could buy this place and fire you," or "I know the owner and I could have you fired." Those who say such things have revealed more about their character than about their wealth and power.

Whoever came up with the waiter observation "is bang spot on," says BMW North America President Tom Purves, a native of Scotland, a citizen of the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland, who lives in New York City with his Norwegian wife, Hilde, and works for a German company. That makes him qualified to speak on different cultures, and he says the waiter theory is true everywhere.

The CEO who came up with it, or at least first wrote it down, is Raytheon CEO Bill Swanson. He wrote a booklet of 33 short leadership observations called Swanson's Unwritten Rules of Management. Raytheon has given away link removed.

Among those 33 rules is only one that Swanson says never fails: "A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, or to others, is not a nice person."

Swanson says he first noticed this in the 1970s when he was eating with a man who became "absolutely obnoxious" to a waiter because the restaurant did not stock a particular wine.

"Watch out for people who have a situational value system, who can turn the charm on and off depending on the status of the person they are interacting with," Swanson writes. "Be especially wary of those who are rude to people perceived to be in subordinate roles."

The Waiter Rule also applies to the way people treat hotel maids, mailroom clerks, bellmen and security guards. Au Bon Pain co-founder Ron Shaich, now CEO of Panera Bread, says he was interviewing a candidate for general counsel in St. Louis. She was "sweet" to Shaich but turned "amazingly rude" to someone cleaning the tables, Shaich says. She didn't get the job.

Shaich says any time candidates are being considered for executive positions at Panera Bread, he asks his assistant, Laura Parisi, how they treated her, because some applicants are "pushy, self-absorbed and rude" to her before she transfers the call to him.

Just about every CEO has a waiter story to tell. Dave Gould, CEO of Witness Systems, experienced the rule firsthand when a waitress dumped a full glass of red wine on the expensive suit of another CEO during a contract negotiation. The victim CEO put her at ease with a joke about not having had time to shower that morning. A few days later, when there was an apparent impasse during negotiations, Gould trusted that CEO to have the character to work out any differences.

CEOs who blow up at waiters have an ego out of control, Gould says. "They're saying, 'I'm better. I'm smarter.' Those people tend not to be collaborative."

"To some people, speaking in a condescending manner makes them feel important, which to me is a total turnoff," says Seymour Holtzman, chairman of Casual Male Retail Group, which operates big-and-tall men's clothing stores including Casual Male XL.

How people were raised

Such behavior is an accurate predictor of character because it isn't easily learned or unlearned but rather speaks to how people were raised, says Siki Giunta, CEO of U.S. technology company Managed Objects, a native of Rome who once worked as a London bartender.

More recently, she had a boss who would not speak directly to the waiter but would tell his assistant what he wanted to eat, and the assistant would tell the waiter in a comical three-way display of pomposity. What did Giunta learn about his character? "That he was demanding and could not function well without a lot of hand-holding from his support system," she said.

It's somewhat telling, Giunta says, that the more elegant the restaurant, the more distant and invisible the wait staff is. As if the more important the customer, the less the wait staff matters. People view waiters as their temporary personal employees. thereforeeee, how executives treat waiters probably demonstrates how they treat their actual employees, says Sara Lee CEO Brenda Barnes, a former waitress and postal clerk, who says she is a demanding boss but never shouts at or demeans an employee.

"Sitting in the chair of CEO makes me no better of a person than the forklift operator in our plant," she says. "If you treat the waiter, or a subordinate, like garbage, guess what? Are they going to give it their all? I don't think so."

CEOs aren't the only ones who have discovered the Waiter Rule. A November survey of 2,500 by It's Just Lunch, a dating service for professionals, found that being rude to waiters ranks No. 1 as the worst in dining etiquette, at 52%, way ahead of blowing your nose at the table, at 35%.

Waiters say that early in a relationship, women will pull them aside to see how much their dates tipped, to get a read on their frugality and other tendencies. They are increasingly discussing boorish behavior by important customers at link removed and other blogs. They don't seem to mind the demanding customer, such as those who want meals prepared differently because of high blood pressure. But they have contempt for the arrogant customer.

Rule works with celebrities, too

The Waiter Rule also applies to celebrities, says Jimmy Rosemond, CEO of agency Czar Entertainment, who has brokered deals for Mike Tyson, Mario Winans and Guerilla Black. Rosemond declines to name names, but he remembers one dinner episode in Houston a few years back with a rude divisional president of a major music company.

When dinner was over, Rosemond felt compelled to apologize to the waiter on the way out. "I said, 'Please forgive my friend for acting like that.' It's embarrassing. They go into rages for simple mistakes like forgetting an order."

Rosemond says that particular music executive also treated his assistants and interns poorly — and was eventually fired.

Odland says he saw all types of people 30 years ago as a busboy. "People treated me wonderfully and others treated me like dirt. There were a lot of ugly people. I didn't have the money or the CEO title at the time, but I had the same intelligence and raw ability as I have today.

"Why would people treat me differently? Your value system and ethics need to be constant at all times regardless of who you are dealing with."

Holtzman grew up in the coal-mining town of Wilkes-Barre, Pa., and in the 1950s saw opportunity as a waiter 90 miles away in the Catskill Mountains, where customers did not tip until the end of the week. When they tipped poorly, he would say: "Sir, will you and your wife be tipping separately?"

"I saw a lot of character, or the lack thereof," says Holtzman, who says he can still carry three dishes in his right hand and two in his left.

"But for some twist of fate in life, they're the waiter and you're the one being waited on," Barnes says.

I can only afford 2-ply. Maybe this is why I am not married yet.

Me too, but I stack it five times for an ever so smooth experience.

Me too, but I stack it five times for an ever so smooth experience.

 

So switching to news papers is not a good idea?