i did not send this i wrote it for myself what do you guys think

To my dearest Cristina

The past six month stretch has had to be one of the toughest of my life. Never in my life did I think love can be so powerful. I have relived the relationship and it demise countless times in my head. I have dissected every date and argument we have had over and over. Trying to figure out how two people that really cared for one another and shared so many wonderful memories could fall apart so fast.

First and foremost I just want you to know the only thing I ever wanted to do was make you happy. My intentions were never to suffocate and drive you away. My fear of losing you was always in the back of my mind. I let the past dictate our present and now empty future. Cris you made me so happy. When we were together I felt I could conquer the world. You became the most special thing in my life. I wanted to give you everything I felt you deserved. You in my eyes were an equal. I have never felt that way for any one. I fell in love with you because you were like me, but different. You are smart, witty, social, motivated, hard working and driven. But at the same time you were my voice of reason. You helped me channel all my negative attributes and turn them into positives. You taught me so much, and I thank you for it.

This is what I have realized. Even though I did everything that I needed to do to show you how much I loved you, it was not balanced correctly. There was no balance in my life, You became my world . That's not love , its called addiction. Towards the end I felt you slipping away. I became obsessed with mending our relationship so much that it consumed me. Love is patient, love is kind, mine was neither. I knew you had so much stress with home life and finding a job.. You needed space , you needed me to be understanding, not overwhelming. I needed to act like a man instead I turned into an attention starved jealous little boy. How attractive. I am sorry I ruined the one thing that was special in my life, my relationship with you. You want to text erin when we get back, why should I care ! Why do I need to intervine and control something so stupid, I am not a controlling person yet I needed to get angry with you for no reason. Why did I need to act like an idiot at your house that day. A man does not do these things. I started holding pointless grudges, I started thinking you were against me….what was I thinking? Countless times you told me, babe please don't curse its ugly, and I would argue with you and tell you oh that's just me! Recently I heard some idiot on the train cursing and I was like wow that's so disgustingly disturbing. I would get angry and yell either at you or others like an idiot. So many more examples but I think you get the point! You are a calm person, I know you don't like confrentation, yet you dealt with me as well you could till finally I pushed you so far that you could not take it any more. I don't blame you Cris, I really think you gave it your all like you said . Of course you did not want to pick up my phone calls and spend time with me towards the end. I disgusted you.. Now it all makes sense. I have taken it all in. You knew I loved you dearly and you liked that, (I promise you that love was real and not an infatuation) but you just could not deal with my overpowrring actions and abnoxious personality that shined like a star especially in our final month.

The reason why I wanted to see you was to tell you all this in person, face to face. This letter probably works for the better, because right now I don't know if any of this would come out the way I want it to. Its so bizarre how nervous I get when I speak to you. It almost makes me chuckle. The fear of losing you is no longer a fear but a reality. Yet I am still scared. I have no idea what the true reason of our break up was, and I will never know. These are answers only you know. I am not sure why our communication broke down, but I do have a feeling that I defiantly had something to do with it. The past six months I have worked hard at fixing myself. If it was not for you I would still be the same boy I was before I met you. I have never been alone for an extended period of time and had no idea how to handle it. I think I did a good job. Sometimes a person needs to know what being alone feels like. I can honestly say my love for you and the sever pain of losing you has transformed me into the man I am today . I am not going to sit here and ramble on about how great I have become. I just wanted to thank you for letting me see how ugly I was and that I needed to change. I needed to handle my business and I did. Losing you was the heavy price I had to pay…it hurt 6 months ago and it still hurts to this day , but I am happy, confident and in control of my life. I also wanted to apologize for talking to that loser in my drunken state. He is a worthless human being and I truly am sorry I opened up my mouth to him thanksgiving eve. I realized that alcohol was a problem and I fixed that aspect of my life as well.

I am not angry I am not sad I am just disappointed because we shared so many good times together. We in my eyes were such a great team. When we were on boy were we on, super conversation, great support and incredible sex. My problem was I was thinking of the future more than concentrating on the present. I don't want to be friends, that's impossible for me. You are my last unicorn. The one I cant catch! In my heart I know this was our final shot and I know that even though my love is stronger than my pride too much damage has been done by me. I have turned you off and I don't think you can turn that back on. I promise you one thing though! my intentions were to love you forever and make everybody jealous of us. I really do hope that there is still some love in your heart from me. I hope when you read this you just don't roll your eyes and think wow pete is so sad and pathetic. Because I am not. I am a loving caring man that fell so deeply in love with you. I now know what true love is. Wanting to give your entire self to someone. I hope one day you will feel that for someone. It truly is an unbelievable feeling. I wish you were the one. I believed in us. I saw forever in your eyes. But wishing can only take you so far. I cant make you feel something you don't. If I drove you away I am sorry cris, if that is the reason then its all on me, I take full responsibility of all my actions. You are truly are special person. I want to make sure you know that. Make sure the next man in your life treats you with respect and admiration. You deserve it. Just one favor to ask of you. When I creep into your thoughts from time to time, please smile and think about the wonderful times together. Life is way too short to hate and mistrust. Its so hard to let go of something so special, and I am truly sorry I have been such a neusance for so long. I handled everything so wrong.

Yours truly

Peter

p.s. I wanted to hand write this but there is no way you would have been able to read it. I hope it means something.

actually i am very tempted to send it, becasue of al the mess i have casued .. xcuse the typos

It's ok to write it out, but no sending!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember, she's off partying with tons of men here and there. very immature for her age. blah.

Wow. That is one of the most incredible things I've ever read and almost parallels how I felt about an ex. My advice would be don't send it tho. As nice as that is and as much as I would be tempted to send that too, its best if you don't. You might end up regretting it, and chances are better that you will than won't. Very nice nonetheless.

Good work.

You're a good guy, and going through this has probably made you even better. Too bad it hurts like hell.

actually i am very tempted to send it, becasue of al the mess i have casued .. xcuse the typos

I sent a break up letter to my recent ex when we first broke up, she sent something back it helped with closure. But we didnt have an extended period of breaking up. I would NOT send it. Its great fro you to keep for yourself to see what you think went wrong and where you maybe need to work on things FOR YOURSELF. Walk away and dont worry about her. Its over, it was probably over her long before the actual separation. Grovelling an begging WILL not bring her back, which is how this letter will come accross to her.

I agree with everyone here.. Dont send it!!!

You have shown soo much strenght, keep going..

Wow, that was such a touching letter. You probably shouldn't send it though, but if you did, I don't think it would be the worst thing that ever happened, as long as you realize you may get no response or maybe a response you don't want. Good luck!

I don't think you should send it.

You've come so far in your healing. Resuming any kind of contact and showing her you took the time/energy out of your life to write it will set you back in your healing.

I think that when you purge you emotions on paper, it's a very good thing, and very therapeutic. But I think you should also do something symbolic to send those emotions away and out of your aura. Burn them, throw them away, etc.

To send it or to read it all the time will only stall your progress,

BellaDonna

well here is the deal..guys i have been doing a little work behind the scenes with her..unbenounced to you all becasue i am ashamed to post, but i do talk to her from time to time..and although we have been civil with each other and she wanted to remain my friend i went and blew the whole thing up in a drunken stupor thanksgiving eve..i recently talked to her friday...and i wanted to meet up..she said she was willing to have a productive conversation over the phone but she did not want to see me face to face..so i figured since i freeze when i talk to her i was going to write her a letter being she is a journalist and enjoys this typoe of stuff..i just wanted it to end on a positve flat note..i have a new girl now..its not a i wnt you back letter..tell you the truth i am writing it for her..she is just lost ..she told me now she has trouble trusting people when they tell her they trust her..of course people dont trust you ! you idiot your alying sack of * * * *aki mushrooms..lol Whatever i wont send it. her loss man.

Sure. Again dont send it.

I like belladonna's idea. burn it. Or, like shes2smart on here has posted before... go out to the mountains, find a peaceful stream, rip the letter into a million little pieces, and then release it all into the water.

"Go out to the mountains, find a peaceful stream, rip the letter into a million little pieces, and then release it all into the water."

Annie...that's a great idea. So Peter...what do you think?

i dont know. i want to send it but i wont....my heart and soul was put on paper but she does not deserve anything i have to offer..i guess i will not send it thank yuo for the responses guys..unforunastly i am going to run into her in may at a party but i will be briunging my new girl with me..and myself minus 25 punds..cant wait

yeah, you really have made great strides, both physically and emotionally. Sending the letter could set you back. She doesn't deserve you

You are on the right track now...