How common is it to end up marrying your first love?

[stillinlovex]

I am not telling you that you need to go out to find something you already have....BUT....if you only ate brussel sprouts (and loved the taste), wouldn't it be hard to imagine anything tasting better?

 

I agree with the brussel sprouts analogy to an extent. But honestly, why does it matter? She loves what she has and she's happy. Too many people spend so much time trying to find or worrying that there's something "better" that they don't realize what they have right in front of them.

[newwave]

I know several people who married their first love (or close to their first love) but not all happy. One couple I knew in high school were each other's "first love". They were the perfect couple (cheerleader and star athlete) and everyone assumed they'd get married. Guess what? They are now divorced. Another couple I know from high school got married at 21, had children at 28 and 33, and got divorced at 38. So yes it can happen, but doesn't mean it'll last.

[lostnscared]

I know several people who married their first love (or close to their first love) but not all happy. One couple I knew in high school were each other's "first love". They were the perfect couple (cheerleader and star athlete) and everyone assumed they'd get married. Guess what? They are now divorced. Another couple I know from high school got married at 21, had children at 28 and 33, and got divorced at 38. So yes it can happen, but doesn't mean it'll last.

 

But I think that could happen for any marriage or relationship. I think for MOST people, it's rare to marry your first love. The few who do are lucky.

[newwave]

But I think that could happen for any marriage or relationship. I think for MOST people, it's rare to marry your first love. The few who do are lucky.

 

True, but I suspect in most cases where people marry their first love they end up divorced. Looking back I could have never married my first love, or for that matter most of my boyfriends. Incidentally, my brother married his second girlfriend from high school and has been married 10 years. However they had an off/on relationship for several years during college and right after.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I know a few people who married their first girl/boy friends. They are perfectly happy too.

[DN]

I read somewhere that it is common for people who divorce to get together with their first love.

 

Some friends of ours did - twenty-five years after they were highschool sweethearts they met at a reunion and are now married.

[lostnscared]

True, but I suspect in most cases where people marry their first love they end up divorced. Looking back I could have never married my first love, or for that matter most of my boyfriends. Incidentally, my brother married his second girlfriend from high school and has been married 10 years. However they had an off/on relationship for several years during college and right after.

I don't know if that's true or not without evidence. But I do know that a majority of the time, most people will not marry their first love anyway.

 

I'm with my first love, though he isn't my first relationship. And we've been pretty off and on the last 2-3 years. I don't plan on rushing marriage, or anything of that nature, though I'm positive that we will marry. I don't know if we'll divorce or not(hope not) but when we do marry we both will be older(after age 25), more mature, financially stable, and we will have grown together.

 

I know a lot of people who marry their first love right out of high-school or college and that is probably why they divorce soon after--they didn't really have a chance to grow, to mature, and so on.

[newwave]

I think that's why my brother and sister in law survived. They were on/off for many years and during the off times they both dated other people (my brother had a college girlfriend). They didn't marry until 25 so they had time to be in the real world. In the cases I mentioned they all got married young (before college) and all got divorced.

[Bartok]

True, but I suspect in most cases where people marry their first love they end up divorced.

I know that in most cases where people marry ANYBODY, they end up divorced. It's the way the world is these days.

[Philos]

I thought my first love and me would be together a long time. I was planning on it (actually making a couple plans a few years down the road), atlhough I didn't tell her that I was. I was her first love too.

 

She dumped me 2 months ago.

[karenmblack]

Ouch! I remember when my first love dumped me -- for about two weeks (he thought he could do better). I took him back, and we stayed together for four years. Then I dumped him. Not a bad guy. Just going in different directions.

 

I could've settled down with him. If I did, I know (now!) that I would have been divorced by 30. Maybe with a couple of kids. For me, it was better to wait.

 

I think that the key to getting together young and staying together... is growing at the same pace and accommodating the change that naturally takes place in life. If one person is changing too fast, and the other is hanging on to the past, then it can get tough.

 

However, I think it can happen. I met a couple I hadn't seen in many years, the last time I was home to see my parents. They met in high school. Married as soon as he finished college. Twenty years and three kids later, they still make each other laugh.

 

There's no hard and fast answer to this one, I don't think. Be true to your heart. Then you'll meet someone who's true to theirs. And then! You can keep growing through life as individuals... and together.

[MattW]

Heh. Wouldn't it be nice if that happened more often? I knew my "first love" since we were little kids, in grade school. I was too shy, so I rarely interacted directly with her, though. Later on, she kinda found out that I liked her, and we had a few cute little moments together, but then she had to move. I got back in touch with her via the Internet two or three years ago, and all of those old feelings I had came rushing right back.

 

For a little while, I thought I might even have a chance with her. I don't know why, really, considering the guys she's dated in the past have all been more confident, more outgoing, and much more physically attractive than me, but I just couldn't help but think I might have a chance. Unfortunately, I kinda blew it for myself, with my bad timing and my overall awkwardness and lack of experience with "wooing" a girl, and I pushed her away before anything ever really happened.

 

I still think about her a lot, though. Recently, I (indirectly) found out that she's in a new relationship with some guy, so that's been making me think about her even more. It still bothers me a lot that I can't be with her. I've never met another girl that's made me feel the way she made me feel. I really hate that, even after all these years, I haven't been able to let go of my feelings for this girl. I suspect these old lingering feelings are probably a major cause of why I can't seem to get out there and date, and experience that side of life. I might very well be doomed to suffer with these feelings for the rest of my life, unfortunately.

[enalover143]

Not to be snide but, how old were you two in grade school? At most 11, 12? How can you know that's love or what love is at that age? I think you have built up a fantasy around this girl that's holding you back. Love is something that is matured and fostered mutually and seems like this was just a grade-school crush/infatuation.

[MD Geist]

I plan on marrying my first but I highly doubt I'm ever going to meet my first girl friend.

[MattW]

Not to be snide but, how old were you two in grade school? At most 11, 12? How can you know that's love or what love is at that age? I think you have built up a fantasy around this girl that's holding you back. Love is something that is matured and fostered mutually and seems like this was just a grade-school crush/infatuation.

 

Well, to be fair, I didn't know what it was at the time. Looking back, though, it's the strongest feeling I've ever had towards a girl. I didn't just think she was cute, or something simple like that, back then. It was a lot of things. Even to this day, I meet girls that are good-looking, or nice, but I just don't feel as drawn to them as I felt when I first met (and came to know, over the course of the 7-8 years I knew her) this girl.

 

Would I still feel this way about her now? I don't know. Would I ever be able to make her see me the same way? Probably not. But honestly, it's the not knowing that bugs me the most. It just sort of frustrates me that there's no real way for me to ever get answers to any of these questions, and without those answers, I don't feel I can bring closure to that chapter of my life. I don't know. I guess it's all irrelevant to this topic, anyway.

[ut804]

yes its possible he's the one BUT YOUR CHANCES OF STAYING TOGETHER ARE SLIM.

Marriage before age 25 has a high chance of failing.

Why?

Because people change as they get older. People grow apart. People go through life experiences which changes their mind. And this is true for a lot of things in life. We change so much during the teenage years and in our 20s. This is a time of exploration, a time to figure out who we are.

Also, down the road there might be temptations to cheat. I honestly believe it's healthy to date around to see what you like and what you don't like. If you marry your first love you may wonder what it's like to be with other guys. I've seen this happen. My friends mom, for example, got married young. She missed her freedom and wanted to date around because she never gave herself the chance to. She cheated on her husband and now they are divorced.

 

My advice: stay together because you're not having any problems, but hold off marriage until you are at least 25 years old. don't rush anything.